A
male
age
36-40,
*wizzy
writes:Hi everyone, this is surely going to be a very long question and I'd appreciate any genuine answers as I'm doing this for a friend I care about. So my friend has had a pretty straight yet unusual growing up. Went to a boarding house for 6 years, strict Christian household to abstain from women till marriage. Then he left the country for Canada and making new friends in a new environment especially women was a bit hard, on his part I'd say he's very shy at striking up a conversation, heck one of my lady friends even said if they were both closer in age she'd date him in a heartbeat but as usual the shy part took over, this was all 5 years ago. Presently, when we catch up and I ask him how the dating scene is he avoids the question, spends most of his time with work (he's an IT guy) and watching a whole lot of Netflix and I should mention he's black as well. So my question is how do I make him open up and meet women because at 29 he's not willing to put much of an effort.
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female
reader, AnnalisaV  +, writes (2 May 2017):
 Hi,
I think you have your answer in what you write:
'he avoids the question'.
If your friend does not wish to discuss his dating experiences or lack of, you really just need to leave the subject alone.
He is probably hoping to fall in love some day, but does not wish to try too hard. That is fair enough, as love only really comes to people when they least expect it, but also when they are ready for it... which he may not be.
It is also possible that he would like to meet a lady he can relate to, someone with a similar background to him. My advice to him would be to join his local church, perhaps look into joining local voluntary groups, so he can be more involved within the local Christian community. That way, he will be more likely to meet people who he can relate to and open up to.
After all, if you, as a friend, find his background unusual, how can you expect him to feel at ease with meeting women?
Best of luck x
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (5 January 2017):
 A few years ago a member of my then circle of friends and acquaintances was the only one not in a relationship ... we all introduced him to single women and gave lots of advice.
Imagine our surprise when, one day seemingly out of the blue, he and the wife of his neighbour up sticks and left town together.
What your friend choses to do about his apparent lack of interest in dating or otherwise is really none of your business. You have done all that was required of you as a friend, and more.
Just because he is not living his life the way you want him to doesn't mean he is living it wrong, his life, his choices.
If he doesn't answer your probing questions about the dating scene the you need to respect his privacy and instead talk about the weather or football.
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