A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:How do I get my girlfriend to get more physical with me? Before you decide I'm an ass, please hear me out. She goes to school with me but she is two years older and she sits by me at lunch and behind me in Algebra II. I helped her with math when she asked me to and she's funny, pretty, and sweet. She flirted with me a lot and our mutual friends said she obviously liked me and that we were basically going out beause she didn't flirt with anyone else and she needed a boyfriend anyway. I'm not good at reading people so I didn't know that. They said she needed a boyfriend because when she's single she goes on about how she likes this guy or that guy but won't do anything about it or else she flirts with strangers when she goes to the mall or something and then never answers when they call. Twice now, she's had guys get mad at her for leading them on and she almost lost our friend Angela because of what she did to her cousin. She did the same thing - flirted and even messed around with him and never called him. So that is what I mean when they said she needs a boyfriend because she never asks guys out and she needs that little push so she can have someone and cut out the dangerous and selfish behavior. She is really way, way, way to nice to be doing that and guys take her the wrong way and that's how she had her last boyfriend - she was stuck with him because he wasn't letting her go. As far as getting physical goes, I know she's had sex before and even did oral because she cried on my shoulder about how she didn't want to do that but her boyfriend wouldn't stop. That's another reason she needs a boyfriend, a nice one who won't pressure her. Since she was always flirting with me and since we went to a few games and out to dinner a few times, her friends kind of laughed and told her to just admit she was dating me. I don't expect her to have sex with me because I'm waiting for marriage and oral is out sine we both wear braces but shouldn't she at least be kissing me? I mean, I had to ASK her if I could kiss her once and it was just a peck on the lipsI can understand when we're in school or in public, but I'd at least like her to put her arm around me or play with my hair or something or hold my hand like other people do when they have boyfriends and girlfriends. And that's the other thing, she drives me home and won't even lean in for a kiss, I gave her one and she just said, "thanks". The vast majority of the time, she invites her friends on dates and I don't nkow how to tell her I wanted it to be just us. And when we are alone, she's the one driving and we can never seem to go anywhere alone. I had her come to my house a few times but she left after she saw no one was there. We can't do anything at her parents house because she lives with her parents, grandmother and three little sisters and no guest (even girls) are ever allowed upstairs. I know she's not cheating because she wouldn't have time for it anyway and her friends wouldn't let her do that (and she's too nice) but I just basically feel like I'm doing all the boyfriend things except the part where you get physical.Is there anyway to get her alone, get us some privacy so we can make out sometime? We've been dating for two months, I mean how do I approach her on this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 February 2014):
 Good for you to talk to her.
As for her issues (and you mention a few) I won't go into it as that was not your question.
Never be afraid to TALK to a GF about things you aren't sure about (with regards to a relationship) best way to sort stuff out, is to talk.
Better luck next time.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2014): I'm the one with the question. I finally talked to her and asked her to flat-out tell me if she just wanted to be friends because that's what it seemed like. She apologized about it but said that she wasn't sure how we ended up going out because that always happens to her - our friends pressured us into it and are always setting her up with guys in a similar way. I told her that she should have told me sooner that we were just friends and she said she didn't know how to bring it up and was hoping I'd just drift apart and we'd just remain friends. I also pointed out (like everyone else does) that it's BECAUSE she flirts and goes on dates, if she doesn't want a boyfriend she should treat all the other guys who approach her the way she treated me when we were dating (if you call it that) - basically friend-zone them. She was afraid they'd stop talking to her and I said, yeah, most guys would after getting rejected but that means they weren't TRYING to be friends. She's actually pretty naive about that, she really thinks she can just have a bunch of guy friends to hang out with but she's not tomboyish enough to get away with it. And she flirts too much. I guess I'm just crabby because I don't like beingi led on and I just assumed she wouldn't do that to me. And I thought she liked me when she didn't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2014): Wait. People are pushing her to have a boyfriend because she flirts and talks about guys? That's what single teenage girls do and there's nothing wrong with that! Yes, she led on your friend's cousin and some guys got pissed at her because they assumed she was interested when she wasn't. That's not her problem, that's THEIR problem.
She's inviting other people on your dates because she's keeping you in the friend zone. She's not showing affection because she's keeping you in the friend zone. She's not spending any time alone with you because she's keeping you in the friend zone.
Talk to her. Tell her you considered her your girlfriend and that it seems everyone else is to but you want to know what SHE thinks. Tell her to be straight honest and say she just wants to be firends if that's all she wants. When you guys go back to just being friends and the girls ask why you're not dating anymore, just shrug and say she just wants to be friends. They actually seem very pushy about getting her a boyfriend, and they need to stop that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2014): You've created in your mind that you are her boyfriend.
Your friends have convinced you to consider yourself her boyfriend; because she is nice to you, and you think you should be.
That isn't what she wants.
That's why she isn't affectionate to you. She sees you as a nice boy and a friend. That's all.
Yes, she hangs out with you. That's why she brings other people along; so you won't think it's a date. Don't take the teasing and things people are saying as true. Your friends are only teasing, and she is not leading anyone on. Everyone is pushing themselves on her, and all she wants is to just hangout and have fun with some friends.
Continue to be a friend. You are too young to be a boyfriend. You really have a lot to learn, and she realizes it's a crush. She feels too old for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 February 2014):
NEITHER of you are really mature enough to date.
To me it like she wants the "status" of having a BF, but she really don't want one. Relationships takes work from BOTH people IN the relationship, it also takes communications and if you feel like you can't even tell her that you want to go on dates JUST her and you.. then you aren't ready to date yet.
Why are you wasting your time on a girl who really don't want to BE with YOU? Any boy would do in her eyes.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (4 February 2014):
I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but your girlfriend is 100% not ready to have a boyfriend. It's the absolute last thing she needs in fact. She obviously enjoys the attention she gets from guys, yet when it gets to the time to act on it she panics and runs away. It's the same with the way she is with you . She is obviously engineering it so that you two are never alone because she doesn't WANT to be alone with you. I don't mean that to sound mean, it's not about you as a person, she just sounds terrified of taking the next step. Which at her age is totally understandable, even without considering the fact she has already been pressured into going further than she wanted to with a different guy.
I'm afraid to say that your girlfriend has a lot of issues to work through and growing up to do before she should even consider being in a relationship. I personally think you should end it, but if you really don't want to, then at the very least don't ask her for anything physical at all until she makes the move herself. Her actions are showing she is scared and not ready, so you must either accept that or find someone else.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 February 2014):
 As I was reading your question and your description of her, alarm bells were going off in my head. She sounds like the type who would call in a false rape charge or something, because needing a boyfriend because she's single is an unhealthy mindset. She's leading guys on, flirting with everything that moves, but on the other hand, she's unresponsive, freaking out over being sexual, and basically nothing is ever said in the open. Your dating, her friends saying you're with her, it's all weird to me.
Stuff being unsaid all the time leaves the door open to innuendo and stuff, and she seems pretty immature to relationships, both needing attention and pushing it away at the same thing. That is a recipe for danger, and with all of the other girls out there, including ones your age, you need someone who is a lot more stable emotionally.
She almost sounds like she was abused or molested the way she carries on to be honest. Something's really out of sorts about her. I know you're in chase mode, but I don't see any upside here for you with her.
My advice is to disengage from being interested in her, because she's a dead end at best, and a life-altering misunderstanding at worst.
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