A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I want to move my boy closer to commitment and marriage and i want toask what's more important to a guy --to focus on appearance, being sexyetc., or to be more vocationally successful? I thought he wanted me to clean my apartment more, but I worked so hard I started to get wrinkles in my hands, which backfired. Now I'm back to my lazy self and he likes memore! He had an affair with someone barely employed but who dressesvery sexily, but now we are shakily back together. He says I'm prettier.Maybe I am too scary? I'm an aspiring artist.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): This is the original writer of the questions. Thank you LauraE and Idon'tLie.
He is my same age, about six months older. Thankyou for your perspective, I
guess that not only does he have to accept how I am, but I should accept myself
more, too!
A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (20 July 2007):
 You seem to be worrying too much about the little details and seem to be nelgecting the bigger picture. You see, if a guy loves you, he'll love you and want to be with you, wrinkled hand, successful or appearance regardless. If he doesnt, then no amount of hand cream is going to make him stay.
By concentrating on your relationship, you should be spending quality time, having quality conversations, having a quality sexual life, etc, with him. He strikes me to be a younger guy, whos still quite into fun and games. I might be wrong, but whatever it is, there still should be a mutual understanding between the both of you to allow each of you to be who you are. Would the relationship mean much to you if you had to change who you are or what you like just to keep your man? To be honest, its quite impossible to force a man to be more commiting, let alone into a marriage, and I personally dont think its the wisest thing to do anyway. I suggest focusing on the bigger picture (ie, accepting the fact that he has to accept you the way you are, faults and all), and work on building a stronger and healthier relationship before moving into the marriage scene. Slowly but surely!! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (20 July 2007):
As I am not a man I can't answer your question about what they prefer.
If you want to move him on to the next level, you have to ask him. You could ask him straight out if he wants commitment and marriage eventually. If that sounds too direct, ask him where he sees the relationship going over the next few years. My husband didn't ask me to marry him for years because he thought I would say no, and I thought it was because he didn't want to. The only way is to ask what he wants.
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