A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my ex fiance broke up with me about a year ago.even after the breakup i,m still in love with her and i think about her all the time.recently i was told that she would like to make things workout...she states that she was afraid and that after going out on a few dates,that she realized that was not what she wanted. should i rekindle what we had? please help me i really don't want to lose her again.....thank you
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (20 July 2007):
 The title is fairly misleading, and if I understand you correctly, this is what I perceive you to mean with your post.
Rekindling something you had a year ago isn't something that is easy to accomplish and not exactly healthy in my opinion. You both should be starting afresh, if anything. So she's told you about how she was afraid (commitment phobe) back then when she broke off with you, but in all honesty, you would never know the truth of the matter. She might just have had itchy feet and thought the grass was greener and then when she realised she couldnt meet anyone better than yourself, she came running back to you.
But the question is, should you go ahead with giving her another chance now that the ball is in your court? Ultimately, the choice is in your hands but certain factors should be considered before doing so. Its usually difficult to gauge how much you actually love this person when you havent allowed yourself to fully open up and love someone else. I suspect you did not allow yourself to fully recover from the break up, thus not moving on completely (from her (although you did a very good job in letting her get on with her life!), and because of this, you've put yourself in a vulnerable position here. So of course your heart is telling you to give it another go, because its got nothing else to compare her to and it knows no better, yet! You also have to be honest with yourself, if you were really happy with her back then and if you could see yourself with her for another 5 years, if you think shes worth getting back with, bearing in mind that things can and will NEVER be the same as before, no matter how much you want it to!! Thats just the way life is, everything changes over time.
Whatever it is, feel good about having the choice in this matter! Take your time, and dont rush into giving her an answer. Like I said, the ball is in your court. Good luck.
A
female
reader, macy  +, writes (20 July 2007):
If you were told from a reliable source she would like to make another go at things then i would say ask her if she wants to go for a drink and a chat.
i am currently in a long term relationship and sometimes feel like i need time to myself and try the dating scene but i'm well aware i would probably realise after it was a mistake. What i'm saying is it probably wasnt that she didnt love you just more she was curious and wanted to make sure what she had is what she wanted.
Hope it work out for you x
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