A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I broke up about 8 months ago. We had a very unhealthy relationship. No physical abuse, but cheating, horrible fights, constant worrying, constantly breaking up, until one day he finally ended things and I was completely torn. It took me at least 6 months to get over him enough to the point where I was actually ready to commit to someone else and wasn't thinking about him anymore... the new guy I met ended up not wanting to be with me. He was a nice guy but it just wasn't the right time I guess. Anyways, that's a whole other story. Before I got with the new guy, my ex had been calling me and for a while I kept it platonic although we did talk on the phone everyday and saw each other a couple times. I knew he wanted me back but I decided not to get caught in that drama again because our breakup was messy (he left me only when he had a backup, but he never followed through with that and ended up dating his ex right after we stopped talking - which he claims was a rebound, but I saw the messages they were sending to each other and while it is true he never actually 'dated' her, he definitely manipulated her into thinking he really cared about her and would want to "if the time was right"). Since things ended with the new guy, he's been trying really hard and he has been very sweet but I just don't trust him, and all my friends are telling me not to go back to him. My heart wants him but my head is telling me not to, and so my question is NOT should I take him back, but rather how do I position myself in a way that I can see if he can earn my trust and yet not expect anything of him so I don't get hurt if he proves I can't trust him in the end?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 December 2009):
I'll tell you straight not to bother with him. Your relationship was bad before and you were hurt. I seriously doubt that he will have changed. So ultimately I'm saying why bother with someone who has hurt you repeatedly in the past, when you might as well look for someone new who does love you for your future. Any man can lie, any man can put on an act. Don't be fooled. Let him go, stop contact and find someone who won't hurt you.
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