A
female
age
30-35,
*rueLoveWaits2016
writes:I've been bad w/spotting one sided relationships, so I want a guy who is actually interested in me. I went to an event I go every year, I knew I would meet guys there, but I never expected to find a guy who was really into me. Usually at that event, I meet a guy, dance w/him, exchange numbers and he falls off the face of the earth. Not this one lol. Although he lives a couple hours drive away from me, we did talk about starting something more serious after a little time. I saw him yesterday at the event (I was working it, its a weekend thing) and we went out for coffee. We talked for hours. He told me he was very busy and usually during the day he cannot have his phone on him. He doesn't text much, but has replied to mine. A couple times he just drops out of the convo, one time he told me his phone died. Could he be taking it slow? I don't trust anything a guy says anymore above his actions cause my long distance ex always told me he loved me, but he never made an effort to keep good contact. After all he waited for me for 2 hours to have coffee w/me despite having to drive home for 2 hours. I guess maybe guys haven't really been that nice to me, it feels good to have someone care.
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female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (24 February 2017):
TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was hoping not to be in a long distance, I'll def admit that, but this one is not as bad and if we can manage, we can def see each other more then once every 2 months. Very hard for me to find a guy w/my political/religious and moral views.
At Campari, def yes! My ex was never actually busy and he barely made any time for me! I wasn't even asking for a lot, maybe 2 or 3 times a week of vid chatting and maybe messaging in between. I know this new guy legit is busy as he has 12+ of work and homework to complete.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 February 2017):
 I think it's fine to go out on dates here and there and not just put your life on hold for ONE guy AS LONG AS you are OK with him doing the same.
And then, of course, there is the whole PRACTICAL issues, like do you REALLY want another LDR?
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A
female
reader, Campari Milano  +, writes (23 February 2017):
I know how you feel! The answer is NO. If people really care they don't disappear and they make the effort to make sure they are in touch with you because they can't wait to see or talk to you. Anything less is just passing the time. We question things and make too many excuses. If they call, they care.
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (23 February 2017):
TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbtw he has no social media, else I would be snooping lol
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (22 February 2017):
TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI def not going to juggle multiple guys, that is just to exhausting. Problem is that our frequency of actual in person dates, at least now is going to be very little. I feel like if I talk to other guys and maybe go on one date (99% of the time, its just one date cause I don't feel anything), it will make me feel less like this guy is my only option. I made that mistake w/my ex, I took myself off the market way too soon and I may have saved a lot waiting and heartache in the end. I would never have 3 or 4 guys at the same time, just go on 1st dates w/a couple guys while talking to this one. Believe me when I say I hate dating, therefore when I do meet a guy I see as potential, I do want to start moving forward.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 February 2017):
I probably wouldn't date multiple guys if you are interested in this one. I KNOW it's a common thing these days to "not put all your eggs in one basket" and date one person, BUT personally I think you easier to get to know someone if you don't "spread yourself thin" by seeing several people at the same time.
Seeing multiple people at the same time doesn't really increase the chance of finding a GOOD one.
If you want to increase your chance then KNOW your standards and don't settle for less or wait for the guy to keep his promises or BE the guy you want him to be. IF he doesn't put in an effort and investment in you - you move to the next guy.
And yes, I can see a guy in Military academy not being able to text and call during hours. So maybe his excuse IS legit. And still it's not a bad thing as LONG as he DOES put in an effort when he CAN talk to you or see you.
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A
female
reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 +, writes (22 February 2017):
TrueLoveWaits2016 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is legit though, its def not a sexual thing (he isn't looking for that), he is in a military academy. I am def going to take it slow and also date other guys as well, not going to trap myself w/someone who has half or little desire for me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2017): I have to agree with Honeypie, best to take it slow. From experience, it was one of the best things I ever did. The other best thing, I stopped looking. :)
All the best, M
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 February 2017):
I'd be a little leery of a guy who makes sure YOU know that during the day he can't talk on the phone.
Though I fully understand that there ARE people who work during work hours and don't have the time for texting and calling and I think it's OK, after all, we are at work to WORK.... - all I'm saying is that someone who makes SURE you know he isn't going to do it up front it makes ME a little leery. If that makes sense?
However, a guy who waits two hours for a conversation and a cup of coffee DOES have a level of interest. But does it mean he CARES? I'd say who knows? He doesn't know you yet ( talking for some hours doesn't equal to knowing someone).
I think your "best bet" is to GO slow. LET him make arrangements/plans too, let HIM be first to call text. on some days as well. Basically, share in making the effort.
And if you have his name I'd do a little "snooping" around social media and see what you can glean about him.
TALKING about starting something serious, is all good and well - but is it HAPPENING? This is still so new that there is no reason to doubt him, yet.
Take it slow. SPEND time together IN person (and no sex yet) but doing things you both like and see how much you have in common and how well you get on.
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