A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid,My best friend and i turned romantic after being close for about a year and everything was great but i was terribly mean to him and i had no idea why. he wanted things to go faster than i did and i guess i was scared. we started to have terrible problems because i was so mean(sayings things like i hated him and one time told him i wished he wrecked and died on the way home) i regret these things very much and always apoligized. its really not like me to do these things and this side of me has never been brought out and it suprised even me. he finally became numb and worn out and began telling little lies and the problems got out of hand and it was break up makeup so we were both working on our problems and we were having dinner on his lunch break. i lost my keys and coudldnt come and told him but he went and waited anyway. i tried wait and see him when he got off work but he had gone home early because he had the "flu" and i couldnt come see him cause he didnt wanna get me sick. I passed his truck and he was out with another girl. i know i pushed him to it and ive said im sorry and i miss him and we can work this out but he seems skiddish like he doesnt want to. what do i do i love and miss him so so much and i know he loves me how do i fix this? i told him we were completely over and we havent talked for three days now. please help me
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Unfortunately you really poisoned the well. You verbally and possibly mentally abused him and yes you pushed him away. You may have to come to terms that this is the result of your actions and you should learn from this. You may, in time and with time, be able to become friends again, but I think your time as lovers has come to that chapters end.
I know this may not be what you wanted to hear, but if someone is in an abusive relationship, the abuser has not really given the other person real reason to go back. I think this is possibly a good time to rediscover yourself as you have actually found sides to you you may not have properly delt with and you would want to before you ever enter another relationship. Otherwise you will just see the same thing happen again. Possibly going to counseling and seeking proffesional help to rediscover yourself will help with the moving on process. Your ex already seems to have moved on and you really should let him go. If he really loves you, he will let you know. You can't win or charm him back. He either has it in him or he doesn't.
HonningKanin
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