A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i have broken free of a narcissist after 4yrs. i know i must stay positive, use my exercise equipment, spend time with my grandchild,do some voluntary work, take up a hobby , go for a swim,but my self esteem is in the gutter, i have no motivation and i feel dead inside. how do i fix that
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): a kick up the backside will just distract you for a moment.
therapy will help you slowly expel and understand the issues you've developed while you're with him. you need to be unraveled, you don't need to be more screwed up than you already are with another type of chaos.
so, stick with therapy.
or waste that last 20-25 years of your life with this crap stuck in your head somewhere in a hidden corner, constantly looking for something to help you suddenly 'get over it'.
it doesn't matter if you know 'everything' about narcissists and how they operate. knowledge doesn't trump process. you need to work through it, not just say 'oh yeah, i understand this and that, so i should be fine if someone just slapped it out of me.' not true. the brain programs itself like a computer. do you think dropping a broken computer on the ground actually fixes it if it's malfunctioning?
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (29 January 2010):
 How about taking up boxing to get rid of your angry feelings? Or ballroom dancing or salsa so you can move your body and be in the company of men at the same time. Judo is also good. You sound like you need energising, the things you listed don't sound like they would suit a fiery woman like you. You don't like talk talk.. well then, get the body moving instead.
There's other things too.. lol... go work on a sex line and get your revenge on men... learn how to do that painful Swedish massage and get paid to hit men instead... just trying to stimulate that great brain you got honeypie... your out and away from him and you've got back your strength and you'll survive and thrive just like you have always done... good luck, I'm giving you permission to go out there and have fun again... :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear caring guy
I agree some sort of therapy would be beneficial but it would take a minimum of 6 months of sitting on my backside moaning before my life began to move forward. I will be 52 in October, i dont have time to sit waiting for my life to begin again.
What would be ideal is if someone took me by the scruff of the neck and gave me the kick up the bum that i need. Actually i feel a little more alive just typing these words,this is therapy in its self.Iam a fighter, i never lay down to his abuse i always stood my ground but i realised over time i would relent to keep the piece, which ofcourse with a narcissist never happened.My background is nursing and social care so i have a reasonable understanding of negative personality types, i cant believe i was sucked in by someone so emotionally disturbed.Narcissists are amazing actors but it makes me wonder what sort of abuse he went through as a chid, his sister gave me some insight, it must have been hell. People say that when you reach the age of 25 you can no longer blame your parents for the thing that go wrong in your life. Sadly constant child abuse be it sexual, physical or emotional colours who you are and how you cope with daily living no matter how old you are.
So caring guy, do you still think i would benefit from therapy or just a kick up the backside.I just thought, to speak the way i have i cannot be that dead inside, this is good therapy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 January 2010):
See a counsellor. Get all your feelings out in the open, and you'll find it a lot easier to move on. You've already got a great list, but it might help just to talk to someone as well. Good luck!
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