A
male
age
36-40,
*isonedude
writes:Hey, my girlfriend and I are in a relationship for about five months now. I'm 19 and she is 18. I admit that I have been clingy, obveously because I love her, but I should have controlled it sooner, because I recently realized that its a turnoff. I know she loves me, but I belive I kinda killed it for us. We are still together, and I'm not nearly as cleangy as before. What do I do to keep her? how do I fix it now? unless once your clinginess has turned her off then its for good? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ProudlySA  +, writes (17 April 2008):
I think there is nothing wrong when you want to see your loved one on the daily basis. However, there is a major problem if this leads to obsession and being possesive. Being possesive and obsessed with your partner not only it is unattractive but it is a self-destructive behaviour. Love does not prevent your partner from seeing his/her other friends. So I think to fix the whole mass, it only requires communication between you and your partner.
A
male
reader, disonedude +, writes (11 November 2007):
disonedude is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts all good, I'm just taking it slow, knowing that ladies have extreme mood changes. And thats fine, I can work and figure things out. I sent her a big bouquet of roses, hope she likes it, if not then I have a seriouse problem here...
...............................
A
female
reader, sexi +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Hi
Have you thought that maybe there is an issue that she is dealing with? If you dont call then she would probable realize what she is missing out on. My bf and i see each ither everyday for about 2 hours and we call each other about 4 times while we are at work and at night we still call each other to say goodnight, Speak to your gf about her distance or lack of interest in the relationship. There is probably more to what you think.
Regards
...............................
A
male
reader, disonedude +, writes (6 November 2007):
disonedude is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks… I have been changing lately, and she never said anything about me being clingy, she wouldn’t say that. I learned about this whole clingy deal not long ago, and it’s pretty obvious to me that she didn’t like it when I called every day. The reason why I called every day is because we don’t get to see each other on a daily basis(we live far apart) She doesn’t seem as excited to talk to me lately, and I know there is no one else with her. It’s more like a chasing game now, and I’ve always been way too nice of a guy, yet serious when necessary, basically I’m the one running after her. So what I want to know is what to do now. I know she loves me, she’s too afraid or uncertain to show it, I would never ever have anything to do with another girl even though there are so many chances. She knows I’m a great guy, not bragging, just telling about myself, and I feel like I spoiled her with too much attention, poems, and “kind” words which she is taking for granted and kinda turning her head away. One more thing, I would never do it I’m too committed, but if we were to break up, later on she would really regret it and she’s not seeing the potential damage she is doing and I want to fix it. I wonder if it will only worsen the situation if I don’t call for a few days.
...............................
A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 You're right, clingy is not attractive. It communicates inner weakness since it implies that you are not enough of a man to be able to handle life on your own. Another big reason that being clingy can be poisonous to a relationship is that it can create a lot of negative emotions which can then become associated with the relationship. Things like desperation, neediness, dependence may become the normal way you guys feel around each other and that is usually enough to make any two people want to avoid each other.
I think you still may be able to turn things around. It's good that you've decided to back off on doing things that may be regarded as clingy. Now you must do the opposite of being clingy which is a man and being a leader in your relationship. In a healthy relationship, a woman does not want to be your mother and lead you and take care of you. She wants you to treat her like a lover. Someone who you care about and will do things to make her happy. This means YOU need to make decisions so that she can enjoy herself and not have to worry about taking care of you all the time.
So what decisions need to be made? Decisions that will generate some POSITIVE emotions to counteract all the negative ones that may have crept into the relationship. Do things that are fun and have an air of spontaneity to them, but don't come off as overly romantic (so as not to seem like you're being too sentimental - you can only be that sentimental if you're both already being sentimental). Be charming, be interesting, build some positive memories involving the two of you.
Hope that helps. Feel free to let me know how things go.
...............................
A
female
reader, sexi +, writes (6 November 2007):
Hi
You should try to reverse what you have done. May be you shouldnt let her go out with her friends or you should wanna be with her everywhere - Now you should send her with her friends or let her be who she wants to be. Has your gf said anything to about you being clingy? How do you know that you have been clingy? If you have changed then i am sure that you gf would see the changed and things between yourll would be sorted out.Just speak to her and let her know what you have realized and your intentions to make things better. I am sure she would understand and be supportive.
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Clingy as in calling too often? It would be important to know why you do it. Is it because you miss her or you want to check! on her? Love, insecurities, or both? Analyse that firstly. However many times you check on a person, there'll always be space to evade and do as she pleases, for that part you have to quit on the idea of monitorising. If you feel now you are, say, too frequently calling just to hear her voice, "frequently" is subjective so you have to talk to her and find out her notion of [excessiveness] - while some people mind attention, others love to be called frequently and so on. What indicated you she'd perceive this as a turn-off?
...............................
|
