A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice ! :)you see i tend to get used a lot, either that or guys just want no strings attached sex with me. i cant seem to attract guys in the way they want to go out with me or go on a date with me . They just want sex or a thing with me no relationship. I'm not ugly and im not nasty, i do attract guys just never ones that want a relationship. Could you give me some advice on how to attract the right guys? thankyou Reply to this Question
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male
reader, charons ride  +, writes (24 February 2011):
Idk what you look at but you need to start looking at a different type of guy. Do you go for the loud outgoing type? Do you base most of your relationships on looks? Do you tend to avoid quiet people?Anyways, i'll tell you a story. I myself am 17 and am currently experiencing my first relationship. The reason being was I was focused more on school (took some very hard classes) Anyhow, I am a very reserved person. I don't talk much around people I really don't know. I will talk to you but I don't seem outgoing at all. Well, this girl gave me a chance and she tells me that i'm awesome and not like the other guys. I'm her right one. Personally, I am not all about sex. I got to many dreams I got to live (such as going to M.I.T for college.) I'm not saying I don't like sex i'm saying I don't just date for sex. I believe sex is only good if it's with someone you love.Anyhow, enough with this ramble. What I'm trying to say is look in the mirror and look at what kind of guys you are going after. If you are avoiding people because they are initially quite there is your problem, give them a try! My girlfriend is happy she gave me a chance.Anyhow, I read another comment that said stop allowing yourself to be used. Well this person is right. Stop that! If a guy wants to have sex with you within the first couple months of dating you, you should know.Hope I helpedSincerelyCharons ride!
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (24 February 2011):
 hi
i am not trying to blame you because i have had this same situation LOTS in my life, but can i just ask you, is there any change you could make to your appearance (clothes etc) or to the places you meet men (night clubs tend to be the worst because men go there mostly with the sole purpose of ending their night out with casual sex) also how do you feel you behave in front of men? do you tend to be loud, flirty, drink a bit too much? please forgive me if i am wrong, i am just trying to eliminate reasons why you may be attracting men that want to treat you this way.
i am a lot older than you, meet men in different places, not just pubs, dress lots more conservatively than i used to when i was young, never drink to excess and i find that men are still like this with me! and the only way to get around this is to keep your wits about you, judge them on their actions rather than their words, don't give them sex too easily and don't waste your time with ones that early on show that they are wrong for you.
have you ever seen that show 'snog marry or avoid'? i think its on BBC3. its very cheesy but it proves a point
good luck
xx
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Just want to second CaringGuy's advice. Re-read it and follow it, it's golden - particularly the first paragraph.
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A
female
reader, moonvalentino +, writes (24 February 2011):
You are simply just looking for love in the wrong places! Truthfully, don't give yourself so easily. You deserve a great man; one who would respect you and want you just for who you are and not what you have to offer. It isn't your fault all the wrong guys are coming to you but if you think about it - love is a matter of trial and error until you get it right! Yes the men don't want the relationship. They aren't ready to settle down and finally be with a woman like you who has a lot of love to offer.Truthfully, guys can be like that. Not to be sexist or anything, but some girls do too... but my point is that no one is perfect and there is no reason you should give yourself like that. Your body is a temple and it's more comforting to make love to someone who wants to be with you and settle down and be with no one else. One of these days, a guy who suits your standards will come along and treat you with the respect and sincere love you so rightfully deserve! It just takes time. It is a stupid cliche but very true! And in the end, it'll all make sense in everything you have encountered in your life. All the bad situations are meant to balance out the good things to come!Attracting the right guys... there really isn't any way. Just be yourself! Don't go trying to change a guy (the ones who just want a 'fling' or sex partner) thinking he will one day change anytime soon. He just hasn't matured! Some guys you can wait around forever for a change in personality but it is time you start giving in to lesser men! You are strong, beautiful woman and you have excellent personality traits a man wants... he's just waiting around a corner but it's just not time to meet him yet! All these events are made to build your shell and be prepared to endure the hardships and successes of a true fulfilling marriage/relationship. I wish you the best of luck xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): Be conservative in your looks, don't show off to much cleavage or where bottoms that are too short. To insure that a guy is not just wanting you for sex, wait until you are married! Don't rush into a relationship, you are still young and have a lot of life before you don't look for love, love will find you. Love hits you when you are least expecting it :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 February 2011):
Stop allowing yourself to be used! That's the first thing. You can't meet the right guy if you're busy running around with the wrong guy! Because the right guy will walk past you to the next girl who is single.
Secondly, look seriously at the type if guy you're attracted to. If you're being used, and fancying the wrong guys over and over, then you need to look beyond that list you might have in your head about Mr Perfect. It's very likely that you're attracted to one type, and that type is the user type.
Thirdly, stop dating for now, and take a step back. You seem to be in a rush, and when you're in a rush, you pick the wrong person. I think you'd do better to remain single and just get to know other people and understand man without dating them. Look at the different guys out there (not always are the best ones the most outgoing, for example.) And enjoy single time!
You'll meet the right guy when you take your time, don't go with the wrong guy and understand men a little more.
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