A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’ve known my best friend since I was around 8 we grew up in church. I used to have a little crush on him but when he stopped going to church I lost contact with him and the little crush went away. I later found out that he was in a gang. In his time there it’s like he learned how survive for himself and he learned so many lessons the hard way. Now he looks back at those times and says how stupid it was to fight over colors. He’s Christian and is very mature for his age and I can talk to him about anything and everything I trust him with my life. It’s like he always knows what to say and he’s not always all serious he is so adventurous and clever. When he came back I didn’t really like him he was just kind of there I didn’t feel anything for him. As time progressed I got to know him better little by little we became like peanut butter and jelly. He talked to me about everything one thing we even talked about was how if he ever went out with a girl she had to be shorter than him. At the time it kind of bugged me because I was starting to like him and I’m the same height as him. (Yeah this seemed immature about him but I guess it’s a macho thing. I used to have the same standard though, where the guy has to be taller but when I fell for him it kind of went out the window). The more I got to know him the deeper my feelings got toward him. Time went on and we started playing around a lot nothing sexual but it did involve a lot of contact like wrestling{later I told him we needed to relax some[even though I loved it?] because I didn’t want things to get out of hand he completely understood and agreed}. The thing is he is very friendly so in the beginning I didn’t think much of it, but I guess my feelings got involved and it seemed like more to me. But one time I know it couldn’t have been my feelings taking things out of context…. One time we were hanging out there was one or two other of our friends there. The room was a little dark and everyone was doing something. Well I was drawing and he asked me to give him a hug so I gave him a quick 2 second hug and continued to draw. He pulled me back saying he wanted a real hug and held on to me like a bear we rocked back and forth for a while and my stomach had the butterflies ?… the problem was that during this time he liked this other girl who he recently talked about before, I even gave him advice about that (I feel like an idiot for that but he’s also my best friend and I can’t let my feelings get in the way, when I figured he didn’t even like me. I also didn’t want my feelings to ruin our friendship since he didn’t feel the same way) the only way I can explain that situation was that his feelings for the other girl kind of got released on me a little since he couldn’t be with her at the time I don’t know though…..He end up going out with the girl. It’s weird whenever he gets in a relationship with a girl he distances himself from me I don’t know why{he hasn’t gone out with a BUNCH of girls or anything I didn’t mean to make it sound that way) and the relationship didn’t work out anyway. Well when we got really close again people started asking him if we liked each other so he said he needed to talk to me. He never directly asked me if I liked him he just apologized if he led me on and that he thought of me as a sister. I didn’t know what to say so I just said “yea I know, you’re my buddy…” Right now I just don’t know what to do I’ve tried forgetting him or at least the feelings for him but I see him every week and talk to him a lot. He is after all one of my closest friends. It’s like every time I see him he shows me why I fell for him in the first place I don’t know what I should do. I’m in 11th grade and I have a long way to go but I really feel my heart stuck on him for the past couple of years idk what to do because it’s like he sends me mixed signals sometimes and I ask myself you wouldn’t say or do these things to your sister... right? I haven’t flat out ever told him I liked him and I don’t plan to do it any time soon I really don’t want to ruin and make our friendship awkward. I really don’t want to get into a serious relationship now either because I know I’m too young and I don’t want to be like every other teen relationship who get together out of a high of emotions and when they’re gone they just break up I want it to be permanent. Any advice??stay away from him? Tell him the truth(too scared idk if I’ll do it)??Act like everything is fine?
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best friend, christian, crush, immature Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you and I'll message you :)
A
female
reader, littleconfused +, writes (24 February 2011):
I know exactly how you feel.
For me, I told my best friend, and he just "defriended" me. It was just terrible months of my life. I was so depressed...
I know what you mean by "you do these stuff to you sister?" It is funny, when you say someone is like your family, your sister...its like they just want to set an excuse for their intimacy with you. In a way, maybe this is good? Since friends last so much longer than lovers at this age.
My friend did come back to me after a while. I guess I was a pretty good friend? I don't know, guys think weirdly.
You can choose to stay away from him...but it is painful that way too. It is like stabbing yourself. Tell him the truth is like him stabbing you if he doesn't feel the same. From my own experience, just keep the relationship where it is. You can have what you want, just control your jealousy with his gf.
Maybe one day, he will see you in a different light?
message me if you need someone to talk to? :) I totally understand you!
Good luck!!
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