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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: How do I find the courage to tell my ex to stay away?I was with my ex for 18 years, we lived together for 10 years and have been finished for the last 3 years. My ex was always unhappy with the relationship, (especially the sexual frequency) but I knew that he loved me as much as I loved him. He's now in a long term relationship (2 years) and has asked that I don't contact him. I've also tried to move on, and am living with someone else in a very loose relationship. (Best friends with sex and no commitment)My problem is that I'm trying hard to move on and forget my ex but he keeps contacting me. I cry every day, as I miss him terribly and regret that we broke up. But I accept that he's in a new relationship. His girlfriend hate's me (I don't know why, as I never met her)and he has promised her that he won't see me, but he calls me every three months. In fact he has contacted me every three months since we split up. It's messing up my head. Last year we met at a christening and he drove me home. He kept telling me he missed me, wished he'd never left me and thinks about me all the time, but then a couple of days later when I called him (for the first time in a year) he said he was very happy with his girlfriend.Then last week he turned up to my house after midnight, and wouldn't go away until he saw me. I don't understand why he won't just leave me alone, as he knows how much I care and how much it hurts to see him. But I just can't tell him to stay away. HELP!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe called again today, he was two weeks early, I wasn't expecting it. Turned out he called my mother three weeks ago as well and she told him off. I wasn't expecting it, it came as a shock. I told him to stop calling me so often. It's not right. His girlfreind dosen't like it, it's not fair to her. I told him we both need time to heal, we both need to forget and move on. I told him not to call me for a least a year, by which time he'll probably forget all about me. It's just a habit he's gotten into, it's not healthy for him, it's not healthy for me. I wish I had the strength to say, don't ever call me again. But I couldn't do it. At least I have a year, and in a year, I'm sure I'll feel different and will have moved on. Thanks everyone for the advice and support.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Salvation for your words of wisdom. I guess the truth is I haven't moved on. If I had it wouldn't be so painful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Mr Datingshoes. You've summed up the heart of the matter in a supportive and lucid manner. I know I've got to find some way of cutting contact. I have tried you know. Changed my e-mail address, deleted his number. I never call him (for any reason at all)
But it's damned difficult. He left, basically because I had a nervous breakdown and he found it difficult to cope. We were trying for a baby and were looking for a house. He was my first sweetheart, I fell in love with him at first sight.
He's never denied loving me. Damn, even as he was leaving he was still telling me that.
It's difficult. Of course I love him, I never wanted him to leave. But I also want him to be happy and if that means with a new partner then so be it.
I know that this can't continue. It's not healthy for me or him. I just gotta say the words and mean them. I'll try, next time he calls.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry you wasted time reading and responding to my post OwHiTeliOnO,
This is my first time posting here, and I was shocked that I offended you so badly. It's not nice when strangers feel that they know you enough to insult you. I did nt mean my post to be misleading. I simply wanted some helpful advice from people in a similar situation, to help me gain a little relief from my own personal heartache.
I don't know you and I don't why you felt the need to add to my pain by calling me names. Ah well, it takes all types to make the world go around.
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reader, salvation  +, writes (25 April 2008):
i know its hard sometimes to say things to people especialy if you care about them and it sounds like you still do care but you have to take a deep breath and be direct with him and tell him youv moved on and his presence is hurting you. Be honest.
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reader, OwHiTeLiOnO  +, writes (25 April 2008):
 I must say I can kind of understand why his girlfriend might not like you. I have not met you either & I find you to be very misleading, deceiving & untrustworthy. When I clicked on your Question, I thought I was going to help a female that was a victim, that really was being hurt by a male. When I read your actual question I realized you are a person that does not accept responsibility for her actions & pretty much have an external locus of control, which means that everything bad that happens in your life is somehow everybody elses fault. Grow up, take responsibility for your own actions, make decisions & accept the consequences.
OwHiTeliOnO
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