A
male
age
36-40,
*oubtingOne23
writes:How do I find the courage to dump someone I love. I am weak, I cannot find the words nor the ability to end it. My girlfriend is emotionally abusive, and I was raised by a father who was too. I am stuck, caring about her, I have tried to break up but it got turned around on me to where I felt like ti was all my fault I was unhappy. She cried and I became guilty and ended being drawn back in. I want to do the "Right" thing and break it off in person, but how? I have tried more than once and it always ends the same way...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): You might want to organize a time for one of your friends to collect you actually, if you're not sure you'll be strong enough to part company with her.
That way you can use his/her strength to go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): Caring Guy is right, you need to set up the conditions that will allow you to break up before you do. That way you'll have a plan.
But Caring Guy missed out on some vital steps.
If you live with her then have a place to go organized.
Have some friends told the date you're going to do it and make sure it's a day that you can implement your plan but will also be a day where they will be free to help you move, go for a few drinks and keep you occupied while you try and ignore her which you will have to do.
You will need to organize a way of cutting all physical, financial ties with her as soon as you break up with her.
Once you have all the angles covered and the day arrives, organize a time to meet your friends that day, so you will have time set to leave, make sure you have just enough time to tell her exactly why and give her full closure, then just go. Turn off your phone and give it to friend for the night, if possible let him keep it for a couple of days and stay completely out of cntact with her.
If you think she'll be too vulnerable or likely to do something stupid then call her best friend just after you leave her and tell her the situation.
Block her and remove her from all your online profiles, remove as many methods of her contacting you.
Most of all this is the best possible thing you could do for both of you, so don't blame yourself or feel guilty, in the short term this will hurt like hell but it's better than living in misery in the long term.
It won't be easy but you must resist all urges to contact her.
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A
male
reader, DoubtingOne23 +, writes (29 January 2010):
DoubtingOne23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust a note I've been in this relationship for 3.5 years.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): Check out your local schools/college for evening classes. You need to find an assertiveness class for yourself because you have to be able to stand up for yourself. It sounds as if your fathers abuse has robbed you of that skill. So find a class that deals with this problem. In the meantime time, i think this is one instance where dumping someone by text or email IS a good idea. Just send a message and say its over and ignore all further contact from her. You sound as if shes making you miserable and thats no good. Get rid of her and work on your own issues. All the best x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 January 2010):
Best thing to do is to tell a friend that you want to break up. Then someone else knows and can be there. Then, take your girlfriend out to a public place (not too public, but a place where other people are), and tell her calmly and concisely that it's over. Have your friend there in the background, so if you're tempted by her emotional stuff,your friend can get you out of there. Worked for a friend of mind who's girlfriend was manipulative.
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