A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 and have recently been on holiday. There I met a boy who I kissed and got along with really well. Him being there made the holiday. On the third day of the holiday we had a chat and he told me he had a girlfriend and that he didn't know what to do because he has never felt this way before. I then told him I also have a boyfriend. After that we never kissed but continued to see each other for the duration of the holiday. We live 3 hours apart but have spoken everyday since we have been back. The boyfriend i am currently with wants me to move in with him and we have planned the next two years together so i feel a lot of pressure to stay within the relationship even though we are very young. I feel so bad and don't know whether it is just a holiday 'romance' or something real as i cant stop thinking about him. I don't feel comfortable prolonging this "affair" if there is nothing that will come from it as i wouldn't want to hurt my current boyfriend or his girlfriend. strangely enough it was my mum that encouraged the holiday romance as she doesn't like my current boyfriend as he has cheated on me before. However i do not agree with cheating emotionally or physically as i completely understand the pain it can bring and thats why i feel worse for doing this more for the girl rather than my boyfriend which my be considered strange. However i love him very much whether its as a friend more I'm not sure and want a neutral option on how to handle this situation because i know its not right. My question is:How do i find out if it is just a holiday romance without making the wrong decision and hurting both myself and others in the process?
View related questions:
cheated on me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2017):
 Honestly end things with your current partner to begin with. He is a cheat, you are a cheat it won't work. How will you ever trust each other? Plus you are correct you are very young go and enjoy your life. I know break ups are hard, but you would never have kissed someone else if you truly loved your boyfriend.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 May 2017):
 Honestly OP?
The reason you FELL for this "holiday guy" was probably because you aren't totally happy with the relationship you are in at home. While I don't understand why your mom would encourage you to cheat on your BF - maybe she meant to have you open your eyes to the fact that there ARE other guys out there and the one at home might NOT be the one for you.
You don't sound excited about the plan you have made with your current BF. Sounds like you would like a way out and IF this "holiday guy" liked you - maybe THAT could be your way out. But.. it's NOT "holiday guy's" job to rescue you from a meeehhh relationship - THAT is YOUR job. If you don't REALLY WANT to BE with your current BF and do all these plans, then DON'T. It's your life. JUST be honest with YOURSELF and your BF. Maybe... your current relationship has run its course. We all grow and over time we sometimes OUTGROW the people around us, or they outgrow us. It happens.
No matter WHAT you decide someone will get hurt.
It's easy to get swept up in a holiday romance. You are there to relax, the place is gorgeous, the food, the people... doesn't mean that a holiday romance will work when you are back in reality. 3 hours distance is a LOT in a relationship at your age. Given that you also BOTH have partners makes it even worse because IF you both said LET'S do it! and it didn't work you would BOTH feel disappointed in each other and yourselves.
Think about it, you had good company, you shared A kiss and that it... Not really the deepest foundation. You were both away from your partners and had the opportunity for some "fantasy" - you both basically cheated. Even if there was no sex it's still what's I'd call cheating - because it's something you would NOT have done had either of you had a partner there with you. Right?
Take the "holiday guy" out of the equation. WHAT do you want in life? What do you want in a relationship? Is your current BF fulfilling that? Or are you kind of over him?
As for ALL the plans, you have made with your BF, well sometimes plans fall through. Sometimes they change. You ARE only 19. Where is the rush?
And lastly, "holiday guy' might have felt excited about you ON VACATION but maybe HE doesn't REALLY want to give up what he has at home. So while YOU might want to give him a go, he might not.
You need to think.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 May 2017):
 I think, regardless of whether this new relationship could work, you need to first sort out your current relationship and make some important decisions regarding whether you want to stay with your boyfriend or not. You can't just stay with him because you have plans and/or because there is nothing better on offer at the moment.
Do you trust him? He has cheated on you before and your mum obviously doesn't think he is good enough for you. Do you think she may have a point?
I suspect that NEITHER of these guys is right for you at the moment. The other guy not only lives a long way away but also has a girlfriend at the moment.
In your shoes, I would walk away from both of them and find someone who is free and who treats you well.
...............................
|
