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female
age
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anonymous
writes:Four months ago I met a man at work and there was an instant mutual attraction.As he is from Spain I was wary of possibly macho or player behaviour and closely observed his behaviour with other women, but saw no player behavour. Other girls have tried to chat him up but he has turned them all down.From the very beginning he seemed very focused on me. There is lots of eye contact and whenever he sees me going to the coffee machine, he makes sure he is there too. He is a kind, socialable man who talks easily to people but with me he is very shy and does not know what to say. A few days ago he came back after a week's absende and when I asked him if he had been on holiday he told me that he had been in his home town and that his wife is there! I thought this meant 'end of story' and have cut off al contact since, however after being withdrawn only a little bit he seems to want to continue as before, tries to make eye contact, makes sure he is around me and tries to talk to me. How can I find out if he is just playing a game after all or if he does have feelings for me? I want to know what his intentions are but so far even casual conversation has been awkward. Many thanks for any advice!
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at work, on holiday, player, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Kyle007  +, writes (22 August 2011):
His intentions may not "just be sex" but how does his taking a genuine interest in you for who you are, caring about your feelings, etc make any of this OK? Its extra-marital. And you, if you were just wanting to be friends with him this would not be an issue.
You don't need to confront him on anything. He is married. Walk away.
If you don't believe in the sanctity of marriage, never mind any of my advice.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMany thanks for your answer Kyle007!!
I totally agree with you that this man is playing with his marriage and is jeopardising it.
I don't want to delude myself about his intentions, but am not 100% sure (yet) that it is just sex he is after. He is surrounded by gorgeous Spanish girls (so the same nationality), much prettier than me, but treats them as colleagues. Another reason that I am not sure is that he has made a lot of effort for 4 months, and if it just sex he wants, I'd say he would want instant gratification. Also he talks easily to other people, but is shy and awkward with me. I don't get it...
Anyway, I am thinking to keep ignoring him for the next few days and hope to have 10 days off from work in a few days. If he still is trying to get in touch with me after that, perhaps I should confront him. What do you and other readers think? Many thanks again - I highly appreciate your taking the time to answer my question :-)!
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (21 August 2011):
He is not only playing a game with you but also with his marriage. His intentions? He wants to avoid his marital problems and use you for sex!!!! If he withdraws, its because he may be feeling a momentary bit of guilt over this. Yes, even people like him try to restrain themselves because they still have some sort of sense of right and wrong.
He has feelings for you, but they are not honorable AT ALL.
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