A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Boyfriend of a yr and a half only talks about us getting together when we're retired - that 17 yrs from now! We both own separate homes now yet we spend 3-5 nights together every week. I want to be under one roof but he says nothing about our near future. What do I say to him to find out if he's just stringing me along and has no intention of marrying me? I've already told him I'm not into living together without marriage. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses. I have 2 school age kids part time and I just feel it looks best to kids that their mom is married than just living with her boyfriend. He wanted to marry his LT GF but she didn't want to get married. I'm kinda feeling like I'm just not "the one" and need some reassurance that I'm not wasting precious time, I'm in my late 40's.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012): Maybe he feels the relationship is too new to judge if he wants it to be a marriage. Especially if he's been divorced. You might just have to give him more time to decide. If you need an answer now then you should assume the answer is that he doesn't want marriage because that is how he is feeling right now.
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A
female
reader, traeumerin242 +, writes (24 April 2012):
If he has no intention of being with you until you two retire, then it sounds like he is stringing you along. That's over a decade away. He has already decided this after a year and a half. You can always ask him about the possibility of marriage. If he insists that it shouldn't happen anytime in the next few years, then it's time for you to move on. If he's hesitant, then it's okay to wait a bit for him to figure it out, but asking you to wait over a decade is unreal.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 April 2012):
 Why don't you ask him to marry you? I know, that's a big step to take but if it is that important to you, asking him will make it pretty clear if he will or won't. You've been together long enough to have figured out if you two are compatible long-term.
I know it's the traditional male role to do the asking but you're both adults and presumably have a good enough relationship to talk things through?
Alternatively, you could talk about your vision of what you'd like in the future. "Babe, I'm looking for a longterm relationship in which the man and I share a house and a life together. Preferably, this will start within the next x years. Obviously, you are the man in my life and I was wondering how this vision of the future coincided with yours."
Life is short enough as it is, waiting 17 years for what you really want seems to me to be a huge waste of your time. ASK him.
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A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (24 April 2012):
 It seems that after 1.5 years you are telling your BF that you only move in with him if he marries you. Perhaps he is not ready for that move right now? It may take him a bit more time to think about those things. 1.5 years is really not a very long time for such a big commitment.
I don't think he is stringing you along as he is already talking about yuor distant futures being together. Sounds to me like he is backed into a corner, the relationship cant move to the next level of living together becuase he is not ready for marriage but clearly he cares very much for you.
Talk to him about how you feel and take it form there.
Is there a reason that you won't live with him before marriage? Or is that just a rule that you have for yourself?
Good luck
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