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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello everyone, I am an 18 year old single male who just started college (Computer Science major). I really want to meet girls and get into a relationship. I been real lonely throughout the summer, not many people talk to me. I want to have someone to care about and be there for, and also have someone to be there and care about me. The only problem is I am very I guess, reserved. I try being funny around girls, but they don't find me funny, but when some other guy tries to be funny, which normally I don't think is funny, they find it funny. I'm currently on an online dating site called Myyearbook. Most people on there just go after me because of my looks, then when I start talking to them, they just don't care anymore. All they seem interested in is music, sex and drugs. I'm a lot different then kids my age, I enjoy looking through my telescope into the sky! I love to star gaze and always wanted to take someone with me, but must people, (including my friends) find it dumb and dorky. I really like computers, (no duh, computer science major? haha), I like learning new things. I also like to go hiking through parks and observe nature. I am always willing to try new things with people (nothing stupid of course). Most my friends, like I said, I really don't have many, don't like doing anything at all. So I'm normally always alone doing my stuff.I think the problem, is girls find me boring and unfunny. I see all these guys getting girls right from left, and then I hear about girls crying about, how big of a jerk he was. For some reason they all avoid me? I mean why not give me a chance? I just don't get it? I want to join a study group or something but can't find one. All girls take me like a joke for some reason and it really hurts me. I try to be a nice person. I try to follow the law of attraction on always being positive, and happiness will be in return. But for some reason no one notices that, they'd rather have a skateboarder, or football player I guess. I tried going shopping and buying those rapper looking hats, and skater clothes, cause that's what girls seem to be into I guess. But I just don't like wearing them, I feel weird when I look in the mirror. One of my friends told me I should go out with him into the city and get wasted and smoke. Idk if I really want to do that, but that's the kind of guys girls seem to be into. I was thinking of giving a try, but idk.I just don't understand what girls want? And please don't tell me a good guy who cares, because that's not true. Please don't tell me to change my interests or anything. Because to be honest I love what I do.
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female
reader, Kirstyteenauntireland  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 Ok as an agony aunt I don't normally say this but..Wow u sound amazing like a really nice guy! Any girl would be lucky to have you.
Firstly: I agree with annoynymus Your really mature for your age. You've just started collage in collage your gonna meet alot of girls and yes maybe go clubbing but don't get to wasted if your trying to get with a girl you want to remember it and Her don't you?
Secondly: you " tried going shopping and buying those rapper looking hats, and skater clothes, cause that's what girls seem to be into I guess " You said your not comfortable with this stuff why should you change? Every girl will tell you they want to get to know the real you not the fake rapper.
And Lastly: Girls want a guy who they can talk to about anything, have stuff in common who can have fun and who can act natural around you. If you feel comfortable online dating thats fine no one can stop you. But If you want to meet a real girl who you can see and talk to straight away Go out clubbing or even go to a book shop, park or even the library. A lot of study groups happen in a library mabye you could start there :)
Good Luck :)
Kirsty xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2011): Hi!
You sound like a very nice guy. In fact, part of your problem seems to be that you're really quite mature for your age! Your interests are more like the interests of someone in their late 20s than their teens. That's a good thing, in the long term, because while music, sex, and drugs are normal teenage pursuits, as girls get older and think about settling down, they start to find guys who stargaze, hike, and can fix their computer AND who treat them with a bit of respect and care better prospects than the jerks who get drunk and treat them like crap. But in the meantime, it can feel very lonely to be the one who likes to read when everyone else seems to get drunk to the point of vomiting every other night!
However, that loneliness isn't real - in fact, a lot of the people who seem to be conforming to the stereotype will actually be feeling quite unhappy and artificial about it. I am SURE that you will find girls at college who share your interests. Why not join some societies where you're likely to meet people who enjoy the same stuff? There are plenty of girls out there who like computers, physics (and astrophysics), and hiking... and who are less interested in music, sex, and drugs!
At the same time, college should be a time to enjoy yourself and bond with other people. Make sure you do get a chance to let your hair down at times - that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to drink and smoke, merely that being social is an important part of the experience. It's not just about 'having fun', it's about understanding at a fundamental level that there are MANY different ways of living a life, all of them valuable in their own right - and being able to make a choice for yourself in the light of that awareness. When you feel lonely, there is a big temptation to think that you are better than others, and to lose the sense that people can surprise you. Yet you might find that when you actually sit down and talk to that apparently airheaded blonde with an open mind, you might find out that she's actually tremendously kind, or amazingly resilient in the things she's coped with, or even that she has a closet fascination with quantum physics! When women say they like a guy who is 'caring', they don't just mean someone who cares for them, because it's in their own interest to be nice to their girlfriend. They mean, they like this quality of open-mindedness, and openness to the world and others which is essentially a form of kindness.
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