| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I dated my ex for a little over 3 and a half years. I broke up with her because things were not going good. I guess i just needed time to figure out what i really wanted. I told her to move on and she kept trying to get back with me. I love her and i didn't want to miss lead her if i wasn't completely sure that i wanted to be with her. We stayed friends and talked almost everyday for a few months. Then she stopped talking to me and stopped trying to get me back. I found out that she had been hooking up with this guy. And i started to think that i had lost her. So i started to talk to her.She ended up not talking to the guy anymore, after a few weeks she ended up staying at my house for a week and giving me a chance to get her back. But i still was unsure about things. After that we stayed in touch alot. We hung out like once a week for a few weeks. In this time i realized that i need her and i wanted to be with her. This time i was sure and i knew what i wanted. So i told her, I broke down in tears telling her, and i meant everything that i said. I told her that i was sorry for all the pain that i had put her through and that i don't want to be with anyone other then her. She said that she wasn't sure what she wanted. In the months that we were apart i told her move on and she was just starting to get over me. She also that that she started talking to another guy who she likes.I told her that i understand and that im sorry that i waited so long to figure things out. Its been about three weeks since she started to talk to the other guy. She says shes really likes him but its still too early to tell what shes wants with him. We talk pretty often and even though were not together we are really good friends. About a week ago she told me to move on and that she just wants me to be happy, to find someone else. A few days ago i went out and ended hooking up with this girl that i know from high school. She was friends with my ex in high school but they haven't talked in like 3 years. I didn't intentionally try to get with her old friend it just happened.I ended up talking to my ex yesterday and telling her that we kissed. She was really mad. She didn't want to talk to me and told me that she was happier without me. And hangup the phone on me calling me all these different things. Later on that night probably 6 hours later i texted her to talk about my mom. I told her that i wasn't sure what was going on with my mom and whatever and i wanted to talk to her. She messaged me back and was very supportive. We talked for about and hour about my family and whats been going on. She was extremely supportive and told me she was sorry that she wasn't there physically. i told her that i love her and that i was just thankful to have a friend to talk to. She said that she still loved me and that she always will. Then she told me that she feels sick when she thinks about me hooking up with the other girl. I told her that i was sorry and that no other girl will ever compare to her in my eyes. Today i woke up and just needed to get out of my house. So i called my ex and after talking to her for a little she said that i could come over if i needed too. So i drove to her house and hung out with her for a few hours. We talked about us for a little. She said loves me but she doesn't think that we are the best for eachother. She said she wants me to find somebody else that is going to make me happier then she can. She is still talking to the other guy and i think that is why she wont give me a chance. She told me she likes him but its still early to tell what will happen between them. I think she is unsure of what she wants. Just like i was and shes telling me to move on so if she does i wont be hurt. I love her more then anyone in this world. Shes been my best friend for the past 4 years of my life and she is still one of the closest friends that i have. Until today she wouldn't hangout with me for the past three weeks because she said she doesn't want to miss lead me. Every time that we hangout this go really really good. And i can feel that part of her still wants to be with me with me. And i think that when she is with me she feels that more and more. The time that we are apart is when we grow more and more distant. But i know that if i had the chance to hangout with her just a little bit more i could win her heart back but she wont give me that chance. I think she is afraid that if we get back together eventually we will end up how we were when we broke up. I told her that i think that we can work things out and i feel that i have made the changes to make things work. We used to argue alot and thats why we broke up. Alot of the fights were caused by jealousy from both of use. I really feel that i have grown as a person and i have realized how much i do love her and when i look back at the things that i used to get mad about they were stupid.I need to know if i should continue to be there for her and talk to her and hangout with her. Or should i walk away and hope that she needs me. Im not worried about getting hurt. Im worried about getting her back. I love her more then anything and i refuse to let her just walk away.
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male
reader, Fools_rush_in  +, writes (1 September 2011):
Hi,I can empathise a little with this situation as a few years back I broke up with my long-term girlfriend and went out with another girl for a bit, before realising I'd been totally stupid. We got back together and were together for another three years. All I can say is - don't give up, because if you give up now you will always always kick yourself because there still may be a chance for you two. I'm not saying it's a definite, but the facts point towards her still wanting to be with you deep down. Can you think of a way of maybe showing her that you have changed, that you can be who she wants you to be? That is often more powerful than telling her.Just beware though - if you do get back together, things will feel different to before. To keep her, you've got to be prepared to basically go along with that and develop. That's where I fell down in the end, and I think the reason we're not still together now is because I always expected her to be the same as she was when we first got together. Break-ups often seem to empower women, in a weird kind of way.Hope this helps.J
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