A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How can I find enjoyment in life? People say find a hobby, but I don't seem to want to do anything. I feel that feeling passionate about anything at all could help me pass the time but I can't find anything remotely interesting. Every day I just come back to my (almost empty) apartment, sit on the couch, space out and read random crap online until I pass out.I work out very strictly and I've been meeting my goals for the last 2 years. However I don't feel proud about them as they're squarely average. Sometimes I dress up and go for drinks. I always come back alone and cry myself to sleep. Going out and seeing all the happy people makes me wrecks me. I've got no one to lean on and it really sucks sometimes. I truly wish I didn't exist.I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here but I need to let it out. This is the only medium to do so that I have. Thanks for reading. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 February 2016):
 Sounds like you are going through a quarter life crisis or the dark night of the soul. You think all life moments should be happy? That we should be constantly on the go? Happiness and sadness go hand in hand. Why force yourself to be happy? Happiness is sold, not a must have. It's an economic force to keep the world going round. If people stop going out, dressing nice, spending money on entertainment, the world would come to a grinding halt. That's my different take on it. Tears are the river of joy and sorrow. I don't see why people have to insist on happiness when sad emotions are just as natural. Only seek help when you are so sick that you can't go to work. Right now you are still on a functioning level. Use your spare time to reflect and meditate, or just be.
You should see the movie "fight club" if you haven't already. If you have it's worth seeing it again. It will be interesting to you.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (26 February 2016):
 "I truly wish I didn't exist."
Then you would miss all the awesomeness this world has to offer...in spite of all the crazy things around you. :)))
First off...STOP expecting LIFE to hand you a perfect everything. No one...and I mean NO ONE...gets a happy life by spending their time being miserable about what they DON'T have.
Are you in a wheelchair? Do you have Cancer? Do you have any issues that would make people run the other way? Do you live in a country where you fear for your life just by going outside??
If the answer is NO to all these...Then what are you complaining about? Is it going to take you having something to take away all you have before you realize how amazing your life really is??? There are so many people out there that will never kiss a girl or guy. Who spend their lives in a wheelchair with physical issues that makes them unappealing to a so call normal person. Here you are... "I work out very strictly and I've been meeting my goals"... Yet you go home and cry yourself to sleep...really??
STOP staring at the misery tree in front of you, and look around and see the rest of forest...because you are missing a lot.
Want life to be good to you?? Then start being good to yourself. Treat people the way you want to be treated...that is rule one. Love everyone around you because you can...not because of what they have to offer you, or do for you.
Life has simple rules...You get back what you give, and when you expect life to treat you a certain way...it won't. Expect nothing and receive a lot...there is a word for that...Humility.
Everyone will not be nice to you...but YOU...never stop being nice to others. When you are not expecting it...oh look...people are being nice.
Let me give you a story I do everyday...I go to McDonald's every morning to get coffee. I treat the people their as if the were the most amazing people I ever met. Now...the girls are putting happy faces on my coffee lid, hearts, and "Have great day". The guys shake my hand, bump fist, and joke around. They know my name, and I learned theirs. They actually look forward to me coming by...because I take away the unhappy, and misery from the customer before me. When I wake up in morning and everything works...HELL YEAH!!! My day is already awesome!!! The rest is just bonus. When I walk into McDonald's and watch their faces light up...Yes Sir...life is good...because I am causing that smile...and that is what I give...and life gives it back 10 times over.
I give what I have to give...a smile, a hug, thank you, hold open doors for others, buy someone else's coffee while they fumble around looking for change in their purse or pocket. Simple things....but I get back so much in those smiles. :)))
Misery can kiss my arse.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (26 February 2016):
If there is one thing Im certain of in life, its that your happiness is 100% up to you. Its a conscious decision, and often a more difficult one than being miserable or feeling sorry for yourself.
If you want to be happy, the first thing for you to do is decide that as such ...
...............................
A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (25 February 2016):
 Trust me, everyone has felt the way you have....for a period or so. What you need is connection--time for you to seek that out. I know for a fact there is a girl out there looking for that too and you have to be open to it. Look up forums to connect with likeminded people, seek friends out, you have to express exactly how you feel and meet people halfway.To get to the end, you have to do the dirty work. you cant say you go home to your apt and cry yourself to sleep, theres a difference between that and calling up a friend, crying to them and going over for dinner---using your sadness TO connect. To bring you closer to them.Keep trying, keep connecting, good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 February 2016):
 First thing I'd do , if I were you, would be to consult your doctor , or even better directly a psychiatrist.
The condition you are experiencing is called "anhedonia " ( the incapacity of finding pleasure in generally enjoyable activities ) . In your case it's " motivational anhedonia ", i.e. unluckily you can't even find the motivation to try something and see if you'd actually would find it pleasurable or not . This is in general a big characteristic, if not the main one, of depression ( and tbh of also of other serious mental disorders, but ...let's start small :) , from the most statistically probable and assume you might suffer from depression . I have read somewhere that depression can also be called " a desire to have desires "... and that is curiously apt to describe what you feel.
- Read a book called " The Passion Test : the effortless path to discovering your life purpose ". No don't worry, I am not particularly New Agey and I don't take self help books for my Bible. But this one is a simple ,practical tool for when one feels .... just like you : that life could be so much better ( or at least more bearable ) if only you could find something you could give a damn about. 99% of times, there is, hidden somewhere in your subconscious, you just have to have the tools to dig it out.
- Volunteer . Turn around how you view yourself , from someone who needs to receive ( something that he is not getting now : love, affection,friendship, validation etc. ) to someone who has a lot to give to people who are even more deprived than yourself. I don't discount the fact that you may actually BE, not just feel , deprived , of these important things. But you have to act counterintuitive here. Don't say : when I'll find someone who'll fill me with what I miss now, then I will be complete and I can be help others. You can make a difference for somebody now , just by being there for them, as despondent as you are now. It is a very empowering, healing sensation. Try to believe.
- Be imaginative , and be brave. Maybe there is something that you would like to do, but you have authomatically discarded the idea for the usual reasons :... I don't have the talent ... I am too old to start now... I don't have the right physique... my friends would laugh at me... etc. If there is something that somehow " calls " at you, try it, no matter how unfit you feel for it,- chances are that deep down you ARE instead fit for it, otherwise it would not be calling at you. So if you secretly always envied, say, male ballet dancers, try a class . You'll never become a new Nureyev, ok, but chances are that, to your surprise, at least you'll keep up with the class, which is already very empowering for someone who thinks he was born with two left feet.
Just an example , but it applies to everything. Maybe you are not interested in the things that you could do. Well, try those which you " cannot " do.
Oh- another great book, " The Artist's Way " by Julia Cameron. The assumption is that art is natural, because is an expression of our feelings and thoughts, and everybody has something to express somehow, we just need to prime the pump, so to speak, and let it all come out.
- Refocus your attention on yourself. Now , if I got it right, your main reason of sadness and envy is that you are lonely and partnerless . You sort of think : if I could find a partner, then oh then, it would all change..... WRONG ! I.E: not saying that finding a person to share things with , possibly the right person, is not a great motivator, and a great joy . It IS important, no denying it. But, as cliche' as it sounds- you can't be happy staying with another person if first you can't be happy staying with yourself. You should approach people from a place of fullness and content, not of lack and neediness. In fact, once that you have retrained yourself to see yourself as , to BE actually, an interesting person with interesting things to do and interesting things to say-people will approach YOU. Yeah I know it sounds very Law-of Attractionish, but , what can I say,- true and tried, many times in my life and in the lives of people I know well.
So, for the time being, don't think about being single and lonely and the happy couples etc.... Devote time and effort to discover something that interests you, hopefully that excites you- then the rest will sort of take care of itself with minimal help from your side.
-Pray. I don't care if you are agnostic or atheist or a pagan from a cannibal tribe. Pray to yourself. Pray to your beloved dead grandfather, or to your favourite historical figure. Ask for help which is within and below the level of consciousness and rationality. Man is not barely
a conglomerate of flesh, bones and minerals. Call it Spirit, call it Chi or Tao or just life,- we have tons of untapped resources, tons of potential energy to help us in the darkest moments and most desperate situations. A 100 punds mom who is normally afraid of poodles will find herself wrestling with a crazed rottwailer to protect her child. Acts of heroisms aside , we all have potentially infinite reserves of courage, wisdom, skills,cleverness, intuition, you-name-it , to call on if necessary. You don't even know how many times the very fact that you smiled, or cracked a joke, or said something, in your view, simple and banal , has totally turned a situation around for a friend of yours , or even a stranger , and totally saved their day.
There is help- there always is help, because you can ask it to your inner guidance- whatever official name you want to evoke it by.
-Last but not least- go for a routine medical check up and blood tests.
Your distress may be psycholigical or mental or spiritual, yes.... but it is also true that , if you had, say, anemia , or an underactive thyroid, you would be feeling the same apathy , boredom and sadness you are describing now.
...............................
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (25 February 2016):
 Why dont you figure out what would make you happy as in what do you want to do in life to be happy. Then go and get that.
Also, you can't look at other people and generalize that they are happy because you don't know them. What you see of them is the external stuff that you wish you were doing because you believe it would make you happy. Your projection that they are happy is likely your view as to what would make you happy but you are not pursuing that so you feel bad.
Sometimes people have anxieties at being a go getter so if those persist have yourself looked at by a professional therapist. Before that, concoct a goal that you think would make you happy then go and do it.
Some people thrive on achieving and being of service to others. That maybe you.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 February 2016):
 ya know it's hard to be an adult. I"m nearly 56 and I don't adult very well. I go to work and I go home. I don't want to do anything.
you are young. It sounds to me like you are not giving yourself enough credit. (squarely average is a lousy way to think about something you are successful at)
I'm going to suggest some short term therapy to figure out how you feel about yourself and find comfort in yourself and your accomplishments. Once you LIKE who you are and what you have done then you can figure out what you want to do.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2016): youve been a bit of a workaholic and now something inside of you is insisting there is more to life.This is not something to be depressed about.On the contrary ,it is your own inner vision demanding tha you open up your life to different opportunities ,but you carry the burden of depression and fail to realise that you can have the power to change your life.You have manfully done everything that is required of you, even dressing up for drinks.Really you deserve a trophy for all this good effort you have put in, but as life can be a bit ungrateful sometimes you are not feeling the lurve for it anymore.i suggest two things.Firstly you see the doc and ask for medication for depression.Tell him you think you are on the edge of a nervous breakdown and get some happy pills.Your brain is not letting the happy chemicals form and circulate so you need to give it some help.Of course they are properly called meds or medication and take about three weeks before they kick in and start to circulate your system because they activate tiny nerve endings. Then when you get the chance you book a week away by the coast and get some fresshair.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (25 February 2016):
 If there is nothing in life for you then try giving some help to other people in need. Give a few hours to a charity; visit an old people's home and have a chat and a cuppa. Help clean up the neighbourhood.
You will find by giving to other people you get so much more back yourself. I don't know how it works but it does. And you will meet some great people in the process.
Get up, get out and get going.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2016): That's not good at all it is like you need a group and quickly nobody at the gym college friends friend of the family a sport a gathering there has to be something there or its just one of those times you wait and see what will happen
...............................
|
