A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i'm insecure with how i look. i have all these family/friends/work problems coming at me all at once. and dealing with a break-up! i know one of my problems is that i am too passive and naive. (is it wrong to be nice and trust everyone?) another problem i have is that i don't up for myself. and another big problem is that when things are just small and not worth getting upset over...i tend to stress myself out like crazy!i've done therapy in the past and i've read many self-help books. (which is now my favorite subject!) but why can't i learn to love who i am and move on and be happy? i try to just focus on tomorrow since it will be a new day and i try to be optimistic...but i cry every night and think of all the things that is wrong with me and my life. i don't want to be this way but now i lost the only person who brought the best in me...and i am depress. any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks gina and steffi!
for some reason...i do feel better now! i feel like the other night-expressing myself and listening to you both has really help. i woke up today not feeling sorry for myself and actually taking babysteps and planning what to do improving myself. i know it will take time but i kinda don't care what else is around me...it's me time!
i want to make some improvements as far as my teeth...but the other stuff like my weight...it's something i can't control (since i love to eat and hate exercising) but if i want it that bad...i would just have to do it!
maybe when i start loving myself...the right guy will come along. instead of me being upset that the wrong guy didn't appreciate me.
i was worried that if i acted "stuck up" or kinda "bitchy" that would make me a bad person...but i do have to stop worrying what others think and focus on what makes me happy and not settling for anything less.
oh gosh...it will be hard...but will get better...right?
A
female
reader, steffi666  +, writes (3 February 2009):
i know what you mean when i started saying no to people i had a few who made me feel terrible, i got to the point were i said i have my own life and my own problems you dont like it your not in my life. Harsh it was and it took me a while to be able to say it and those people who were true to me understood the rest i cut out. I didnt need people in my life who made me feel bad for doing what i wanted and not always being at there bec and call. i lost a few people that way but im much happier without them in my life, and i relise they werent people who cared so i didnt need them. Its hard to start that when youve spent your hole life acting the oppersite way but after the first few times i felt sooooooooo good a bitch but good.!!!
you sound like a top girl who deserves people who care for you to be around you and those who dont dont get the honer of your company.. good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone...
gina-you nailed it! i think i'm more upset with the whole break-up and it's pretty much taking all of me. i was thinking i should see a doctor again...but i wanted to see if i can be strong on my own before seeing a professional.
to mima-people around me are much more attractive and they make me insecure that i'm not as thin as them...and i recently shipped my front tooth so i feel worse about how i look. it's going to take time to get it fix (cause it's expensive) but i still feel like i'm not good enough.
to steffi and Auntie Jez-i aim to please and then i'm left being hurt and feeling like i was taking advantage of...how do you suggest that i stop this? when i say no...people get sooo mad at me and make me feel horrible. that's one reason why me and my boyfriend broke up.
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A
female
reader, Auntie Jez +, writes (3 February 2009):
Dont worry this is quite a common problem. Most people suffer from lack of confidence at some time in their lives and at the moment it is your turn.
You need to talk to someone - a friend or relative who knows you well and tell them how you feel.
I know that you dont feel great..so have a little practice at being more assertive...
1for instance during the next week just say no to something someone wants you to do for the hell of it...something small...practice saying no a few times. Practice telling people what you want 'I want you to go to the cinema with me tonight' even if you dont really want to go ask someone and go with them, if you start with things you are not that bothered about then when it gets to asking for something that does bother you then you have practiced.
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A
female
reader, steffi666 +, writes (3 February 2009):
Deep down i think everyone is insucure about themselves in oneway or another, some hide it better. You are what you are and being different is what makes you you. You should be pround of you and expact loads of problems in life cause we will all get them. we will lose loved ones and find new ones, we will trust people who will hurt us and make us feel bad. we dont stop trusting people but they have to earn trust, nowadays most people look out for number one you should start doin the same. put you first concentrate on what makes you happy, i used to spend my time pleasing others, helping them. now i dont i put ,me first do as i want to do i make me happy. i still like to help people just when i feel its ok for me to not just cause im needed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): Don't think about all the things that are wrong. Think about all the things that are right.
Things will get better. It just takes time. I'm sorry for your loss.
Take care and I hope things get better for you soon. =-)
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A
female
reader, mima  +, writes (3 February 2009):
 well, there are people that tend to feel that way about themselves. it is usually because some! close to the person is much more attractive, or people dnt appreciate their looks or someone is telling them they aint all that.ut i tell u. its nt about beauty coz it lies in the eyes of the beholder. not about how nice ornot nice coz someone somewhr definately sees the light in them. its about trusting yourself n thanking God for hw he made u. if u wer to shape urself, u wud look a lot more HORRIBLE i bet u. n that person that luved u b4 saw all the good in u tho u saw nothing in urself.
i advice you to stop getting worked p n depressing. ou get pissed easily coz u r not ok wt urself. there is sm! out there that thinks you r the best of all. just open your heart n recieve the love fron nature. u will soon find someone to make u feel the best. be optimistic n open your heart to love... its the remedy for break up
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