A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21, and due to a host of reasons (depression/SA etc.) I've never had a boyfriend, though my social life and career is OK again. Or even been on a date. I'm physically attractive so do get offers, but I still want to spend some time on my own before finding a boyfriend. I know I'm really behind but I just don't know whether I want one (and don't feel up to explaining why I dropped of uni/how I spent a couple of years crippled with depression) and it's mean to lead them out.However, I want to go on a casual date or two (no sleeping with the guy obviously, and I'd pay for my share), just for the fun of it, maybe with guys I meet at singles events or something. Obviously I'd make this clear to them beforehand.Is this a weird idea (just casually dating for the sake of it?) nowadays? How do I find a guy who's up for casual dating with no sex? It seemed quite common in the 50s/60s but I'm not sure if many would be up for it nowadays.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 June 2015):
 "How do I find a guy who's up for casual dating with no sex?" You keep on asking the guys you meet for what you want. If you don't ask, the answer will always be 'no,' as the saying goes.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 June 2015):
If you get offers, why not simply tell the man who asked you out: "I'm up for hanging out with you but at this point in my life, I am keeping it at that. Basically I'm not ready to get intimate right now. If you are good with that I'd love to go out to dinner/see a movie/go for a picnic/whatever with you. I'd pay my share, of course! But this is going to be a 50s type date, where I'm home by curfew and there's not making out in the car."
You're not actually looking for a date or potential boyfriend, you're looking for a date experience, and you can have that if you ask for it.
You don't have to go into the whole depression/health/self-abuse stuff at all.
I think you're overthinking this. Just tell the guy outright what you are looking for. He can then choose to go out on a "date experience" or not with you. Then you don't have to worry he's going to get the wrong idea.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (10 June 2015):
 No sex, to me, means that you put some value to yourself and since I am picky who I want to be with, then the value is the obvious choice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all :)Honeypie - I just want to try the whole "dating" experience. Regarding a relationship, it's not about being ready for sex (I actually have a pretty high sex drive despite never having "done it"), more not wanting to dedicate the time/effort to a relationship, explaining my depression to someone and letting them be that close, etc. Henry1980 - thanks. I'm not too worried about having never had sex (IMO if a guy doesn't like me for that he's not my kind of guy anyway), it's more that I don't have the time to commit to a relationship and don't want to be in one right now because I'm still getting over my depression, but still want the "experience" on going on a few dates just for the fun of it and to try it out. Something really temporary. So not casual dating in the sense of having a friend with benefits either? Janniepeg - didn't think of that but will try it out, ty :)Garbo - I'm not religious though I do go to church sometimes, might try apps though I don't like putting pictures of myself online with all the guys out there these days. Out of curiosity why would it be an immediate catch? I'd have thought the whole "no sleeping/temporary" thing (I literally just want to go on a few fun dates for the experience, nothing serious) would turn most guys off.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 June 2015):
 You can find such a person in an asexual website or pansexual. Strangely, people who are gender blind usually would not care less about having sex. They seemed to have transcended it. They can have sex, but their lives are not controlled by their libido.They are also not hung up on having a relationship, as they are free spirits and do not believe in tying each other down. They will understand depression very well too.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (9 June 2015):
It is not a weird idea. Try through your church, or some of these social apps. There you can clearly spell out your criteria and since the network is wide you would land sone dates. In fact, if I was looking to date, a profile like yours would be an immediately catch.
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A
male
reader, Henry1980 +, writes (9 June 2015):
Two things- firstly don't get hung up on not having had sex. My girlfriend started going out with me when she was 25 and she had never had sex with anyone before and I don't care at all. Its something that doesn't even feature in the way that I think about her and doesn't change the fact that she is someone I deeply deeply love and care about.Secondly I think that it depends what you mean by casual dating. I think that there are plenty of men who won't want to jump into bed straight away but would prefer to get to know you first. Again from personal experience, the first couple of dates we went on were all about talking for long periods of time and really getting to know each other. Obviously at some point, sex will come up because its a natural part of a relationship. However if all you are saying is I don't want to have sex immediately, there are plenty of men who will accept that. If its I don't want to have sex ever then that's more of an issue.I'm not sure if if you just want to take things slowly it is something I'd say in the way you have said it. I'd say that I'm not interested in sex immediately and its something that might happen further down the line. Be honest about what you are and aren't happy with but don't use it to turn people away either. One thing to remember is that you may find as time goes on that you do want to have sex with the person you meet: right now afterall all we are discussing is a theoretical boyfriend not a real one. Taking it slowly though is no problem whatsoever and don't be concerned about it at all. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 June 2015):
 I don't think you will find a whole lot of guy who wants to date you casually without sex, but a male friend? what's there to lose?
So why not make a male friend instead? You can hang out, go out and do things and sex shouldn't be in the equation for a friendship anyways.
If you aren't ready for a sexual relationship then you are NOT ready.
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