A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This may seem like a strange question but it is something that has plagued me since about the age of 16. It is to do with beauty and mental state.Basically from the ages of about 12 to 15 I was huge I weighed close to 22 stone, which wasn't as damning as you may think as I am quite tall and the weight distribution didnt really equate to being cut out of a wall of my house or attending school via satellite etc, but either way I was fat. Now during this time I was the happiest I have ever been, I didn't care what people thought of me, I was the jolly fat guy, and everyone seemed to like me.About the age of 15 I decided I was sick of not having a girlfriend and decided to lose the weight, and through a series of very unhealthy dieting techniques (manoerexia being one) I finally shifted the weight. Unbeknown to myself (and I don't mean to sound big headed) I was actually quite a good looking bloke. I did end up getting a girlfriend but ever since I've dropped the weight and realised that I am actually quite attractive it has changed me. It's like my ego has expanded a massive amount. Nowadays I go to the gym quite compulsively and have an athletic body to go with it.However I find myself being less happy, and as a result more of a boring individual. My personality was formed when I was a fat lad and as a result don't wear my face and body very well, underneath it all I was happier being fat. Having said that, working out and beauty is like a drug. Again I don't mean to sound big headed.Is there anyone else that has been in this situation and can help as to how to shed this addiction to bettering my looks but obviously without getting absolutely massive and unhealthy again? I am reluctant to talk to my friends/family or a professional out of embarrassment and the thought that they may think I am an egomaniac! I just know that I need to find a balance but I just don't know how. I want to have the peace of mind I had when I was fat without destroying my chances with the opposite sex completely (I am a man after all)! Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): I saw an interesting program on t.v., but it was several years ago, that addressed exactly what you speak of...people being jolly happy as fat individuals and loosing their inner happiness when they lost weight. They scientific study that was featured was trying to piece together if there is a correlation between body fat and 'feel good' hormones like dopamine and seratonin. I've never seen anything else mentioned on the subject.
You may want to talk to your doctor about drugs that boost your dopamine levels....do a little research on the internet to see if there has been any further research on the subject. Good luck to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): Don't worry about it. I am actually in the complete opposite situation myself. Through my late teens and all through my twenties I was in the army (special forces) and later specialised off to work in close protection (bodyguard stuff), naturally keeping fit came with the job and I dedicated some serious man-hours in the gym. Lean and ripped I was body beautiful and the ladies loved it. I've always been a loud, larger than life character but I was never completely happy, not with my looks and not with my life. Under this period I had a series of casual and semi-serious relationship but none that lasted more than 6 months or so. All of that changed when I met my now wife. I'm now slightly more round around the edges and the days of commanding respect in the gym are but a memory. But I'm much happier now and the fact is that once you've found a woman that you truly love you'll want to spend all your time with her and you'll forget about the gym and all of those body issues.
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A
male
reader, caterpillarchapstick  +, writes (25 February 2010):
it sounds to me that you are too concerned with how you look when you should be equally concerned with how you are. i'm sure you realise looks aren't everything. when a person is attractive they often lack in personality. thats not always the case, and you should have been a good example of this because you made a transformation. consider you're personality as much as you would your physical health. work on your mind as you would your muscles. make an effort to be the person you were then and looks aren't really a factor. and try to do it for yourself not because you are concerned what people are thinking.
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