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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: How do I fall out of (unrequited) love?In October I met a girl on the internet. Something I have never done before. We got on really well and within a couple of weeks we were talking all the time. I mean almost every moment that we were available we were talking and usually spent about 4 hours each night lying in bed having the best conversations. When we were out we would text each other and usually not half an hour would pass without some contact. We even talked of meeting up IRL. However, I knew from the start that she was in love with someone else, a guy that she also met on the internet. She also just broke up with her bf of 4 years. She seemed to give me a hundred times the attention that she did to him, she said he got jealous and they argued so i gave it little credence. However, then they seemed to start getting on better again and she had less time for me. I was falling in love at this point and just before xmas I told her I love her. I truly didn't know if she would say she did too. She didn't. It broke my heart. She handled it really well and said she wanted to stay friends. However recently she has been avoiding me more, trying to not encourage me. we talk but its just a few minutes chit chat. i know i don't have a chance. how do i fall out of love? I can't stop thinking about her. every thought all day long is about her.
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broke up, jealous, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): hello,
i had similar situation like you posted. the guy in picture did the same thing with me..but cut me off.look into my question perhaps you can help me.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-had-a-good-internet-friend;-when-he.html
thanks
A
male
reader, Peterk5699  +, writes (22 January 2007):
 I know how you feel there. The same has just happened to me, except without the bf bit. It is a horrible feeling but as was said below, I'm also gonna get going out and talking to new girls and asking friends if they can sort out a date maybe.
Online relationships can break up just as fast as they atarted. I know it stinks but that's life.
I think it's time maybe you get going to bars etc with some mates, having a few drinks and basically having fun. And if they is spot that you like to hang around in groups about go there. Another place is somewhere like skate ramps on a Friday/Saturday night and in the summer.
You will soon get dating. Good luck!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): Update: So I talked to her today and explained how I understand my place, that I know she doesn't love me and she loves him and that I'm not trying it on anymore, which is all true. But damn it hurt to say out loud. I actually spoke to her jealous (online) bf too. weird i know but he wanted to. very nice, reasonable guy. I was being as good as i could, didn't lie and wished them the best. The talks should have really helped out their difficulties. We'll still talk just never as much. However, he gave her a "him or me" ultimatum. that pissed her off so much she told him that she doesn't want to be his gf anymore. Idiot. Tomorrow or soon they may well have made up but sometimes I think she's making a big mistake, he's so controlling.
Anyway, I'm being sensible and I'm still leaving her alone. I'm not being a fool and just seeing this as a new opportunity to jump in. Possibly, way in the future, IF she decides that she loves me and she is absolutley certain and tells me so then I MAY consider starting something.
Fortunately I'm starting a new career soon. I'll have a new job soon and in summer will go back to college, in the meantime I'll have a new job to focus on. I know distraction is the best thing and I'm looking for other girls. I know this looks like a huge change from my initial post but I have my ups and downs and there were some big developments today.
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A
female
reader, DeeDoc  +, writes (7 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: Oh dear. This one is a bit tricky due to the fact that the internet is almost like the infamous box of chocolates....ya never know what you're gonna get..sort of thing. I know that your heart is hurting my friend, but look at it this way. She already had a boyfriend and also another internet love. Do you actually want to go there? It is so very easy to type feelings onto a screen as oppose to verbally expressing them in person. She probably got scared about the IRL deal. I say, learn from this hurtful experience and move on, but IRL. It's so sweet when I see two people holding hands and kissing...it's a bit awkward to visualize someone kissing a screen good-nite. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but I feel that you got burned on this one and should mend your heart the best way that you know how and go out there and work just as diligently finding a RL girlfriend. Good luck sweetie...you deserve to be happy. XX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): You have become sort of addicted to all those texts and internet chats, I say stay away from those two things for awhile and try to get more active in the real world of friendhips and relationships....internet chat rooms or whatever you call it are not the greatest place to put all your energies in to meeting someone and getting attached because a lot of it is fantasy....you are not really in love with her, you are in love with the IDEA of her and that is not the same thing.
The way you get over her is to change your behavior...join a church, a club, take some classes, go to the gym, ask your friends to introduce you to women who you can possibly ask out on a date....Dating can sometimes seem like a chore, but it is a really good way to find a relationship, you just have to get out there and start doing it....good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, jabey +, writes (7 January 2007):
This is a very hard one and no easy answer. Its about re building your inner strength, training your thoughts and your focus. And telling yourself you will not always feel like this. Whenthese things happen it is a really good idea to review your whole life. Is there anything you have fancied doing ? A hobbie, learning something new? Have you lots of friends ? I recently have been in a similar position heart broken, and felt wretched. This is what I have been doing. Arranging to go out with friends loads, reading some great books, bout self esteem etc. I have joined a salsa class, I have enrolled on a cours to learn reflexology. I have been on the internet and arranged to meet a new man. Just really trying to keep busy. And when he pops into my head i force myself to think about something else. And do you know each day is getting easier. In fact as I have been focusing on myself and my needs. I have not contacted him once. This has shocked him because he has started contacting me sensing me moving on. So maybe if you just stop contacting her in time she will miss you being around and contact you. Your life has a path, and I promise you if your path is not to be with this woman your path is to be with someone even more amazing . You cant lose. I promise think positive thoughts. Allow yourself your down days and watch how they lessen. Write a jornal which will help you see how you are progressing. Good luck.My thoughts are with youxx
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