A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a lovely woman for over two months now and we get along perfectly well and we have a close and intimate relationship. She recently moved to my city (and the country) while I have been here for over a decade. There is a big age gap (over ten years), but it is of no concern to me. The issue I am having is that I am Muslim and therefore am not allowed to have sex with her. I have, however, had sex with her once but have stopped sleeping with her as I am not allowed to do so and have vowed not to disregard my religion once again. I have not explained to her why we are not having sex anymore, as I am afraid she might walk out on me because she cannot have sex unless we get married. She has told me that she felt unwanted because I do not want to have sex with her. All I could say is to assure her how much I want her, which she has accepted. Last time we met, she said she wants to take things slow, which alarmed me as I think she might be under the impression I do not want her anymore.I am due to see her very soon again. What do I say? How do I explain to her my situation without losing her? The only way for me to have sex with her again is if we get married and I am worried that she may not want to get married just to be able to have sex. I am also at an age where I really want to settle down.What do I do and say? I really do not want to lose her.Thank you in advance for your prompt replies.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): Thank you for your replies so far. This is very useful and clearly a concensus on what I need to do.
A
male
reader, Dekten  +, writes (15 April 2010):
Just be completely honest with her like you've been with us.
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A
female
reader, terrifenby +, writes (15 April 2010):
 What you need to do is sit her down and tell her everything. Dont hold back. If she likes you and respects you then she will understand. Alot of people are alot more understanding when they are told the truth rather than been made to feel neglected and unwanted. The risk you are taking by not talking to her is that she will believe you have lost interest and she wont stick about. I hope you tell her every thing, this could be a beautiful relationship for you both. Sex is not everything,sex can wait. Building the foundations are your relationship is way more important, the trust, the faith, the friendship. If she cant except your religion, your beliefs then you have to move on! I wish you the best of luck and let me know if you need to talk again! Hope you find this useful!
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A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (15 April 2010):
 how can you expect the relationship to work if you cannot be honest with her? of course she feels neglected and unwanted, with no information to go on, how else is she meant to feel? you need to sit down and talk to her, be honest and tell her about your religious beliefs and where that leaves the two of you. you say you are worried about losing her if you tell her, but if you dont tell her you will lose her anyway, so give the relationship the best chance you can and be honest. i wish you the best of luck x
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