A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I are moving in together in 2-3 months. He is a warm, wonderful person. I recently decided that I want to abstain till marriage. Reason? I hit rock bottom last year. I was partying and drinking excessively, and I accidentally got knocked up from having sex intoxicated. I ended up getting an abortion because of the conservative type of family I come from.I don't drink anymore. I'm changing my life around and have been pretty successful so far. End of last year, I fell in love with my boyfriend. He's a wonderful man -- he knows about everything that took place last year and has been very comforting about it. I realize that he's a grown man and has needs, so I'm trying to be understanding as this is definitely not something he signed up for. He is very passionate and enjoys sex a lot more than a regular person would. So how should I propose this? Should I tell him that I'm making a personal commitment to myself? If he doesn't agree to this, does it mean he's only in this for sex?
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male
reader, hindsight +, writes (21 July 2010):
Let me get this straight. You've turned your life around, but now want to abstain until marriage AFTER you've had sex with your now steady, stable boyfriend? Additionally, you want to abstain from having sex until marriage, but have no problems moving in together without being engaged, let alone having a wedding date relatively soon? This is going to be very frank advise, but you need to take a good, hard look inside yourself and ask yourself what issue you're covering up with this sudden change to "born again virginity". Are you apprehensive about moving in together? Are you still feeling guilt/shame about the abortion? Are you wanting to avoid sex because of the drunken incident that occurred? Quit having sex if you want to, just be aware that doing that alone is not going to solve your problems. If he doesn't agree to it and you end up breaking up, contrary to what might seem obvious, it will have absolutely nothing to do with sex. He will be thinking along the same lines as what I just outlined for you, and know that you will still be carrying MAJOR psychological baggage. And considering you've been together for under a year, that may just be too much for him to deal with. If you decided that you weren't having sex again until you were married BEFORE you met your new boyfriend, that would be a different story. But honestly, what is the point of doing that with him now? You've already had sex with him, it's not as if you were saving it for your wedding night.
A
male
reader, The Gentle Man  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 I haven't seen the reason you are doing this. From what I can tell you need A) The pill, B) Condoms or C) both of the mentioned.
You should definitely tell him where you stand. If he decided to go a separate way, it doesn't mean he just wants you for sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): Let me try and get this straight in my head, you want to live with someone but not have sex with them?
Have you started abstaining yet? Have you decided when you are going to stop?
Well of course it's your choice, but should should definitely tell him before you move in together, or sigh a lease etc. I don't pretend to know how a guys brain works, but I am pretty sure that when a guy starts to live with his girl friend one of the main perks is sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): Would you feel hurt if you started dating a guy and he said he didn't want to get married any time soon? Probably not.
But that doesn't mean your rejected feelings would be just as minor if you were engaged and then your fiance wanted to back out of it.
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