A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am pregnant, 7 months in and its a BOY! I am very happy but at the same time a little sad because my in laws want me to name my son my husbands fathers name because its a Lebanese tradition for the eldest son to take after his fathers name in his first son. Sounds confusing but thats the way it is. I hate that and I hate my father in law's name. It has this harsh ring to it and I want a normal sounding name! I want to be able to choose my own son's name. How do I tell his family that I do not want to name my son my father in law's name? How do I not dissapoint my husband and tell him I do not want his fathers name to be the name of my son? My husband wants our son's name to be his fathers first name. I am dying inside, I do not want to make them sad or dislike me over this issue. Please help! What do I do? How do I escape this stupid tradition? I am Arab myself and I do not like this trend at all!!!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2013): I think a compromise of some sort is in order .... you said you didn't like the father's father's name because it has "this harsh ring to it". Now you could put it as a middle name but then again you are still stuck with it. Or you could use some of the letters of the name to make a new name.I honoured my brother in my son's name.Uncle Jason became nephew Jacob.I think its a nice tradition but your child is entitled to his OWN name and i think if you explain that to the husband and inlaws in a gentle way then they may understand. Tell them you feel like you are being forced and its adding to your stress, which so not good when pregnant. That this should be a happy time but its upsetting you because you do not want to follow this tradition and you do not want to hurt their feelings. Tell your husband that you could never accept this name as the baby's name because you always envisioned you and your husband picking it together. That you wanted to go through the baby books together and pick a name that is special to you both. That means something to BOTH sides of the family and BOTH parents. That ou never thought you'd never have a choice picking your own child's name!Whatever you say, don't say its stupid.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): Could you say your family wants to name the baby after someone on your side too (to carry on the family name or a similar reason) so to avoid favouring anyone you will put both names as middle names and choose your own first name? That makes it look as though you're doing it to be diplomatic instead of the fact you don't like the name.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 March 2013):
 Well what's on his Birth certificate is not what you have to call him.
My mother's birth certificate said Henrietta. I did not know her name was legally Henrietta forever... NO ONE ever called her that not even her parents. Her father had screwed up the Birth Certificate and they never changed it... but she was never called by the name on her BC....
I have not used the name on my BC since I was 29... I actually finally legally had it changed last year...
Lots of folks I know have one name on their BC and are called a totally different name. I grew up with my mothers' best friend being GAIL... I had no clue her birth certificate is Cindy. When she was a small baby she was very sick and her family tradition was to change the sick baby's name so that the "evil eye" could not find the baby.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 March 2013):
 I agree with Cantremember, use the name as the child's middle name, problem fixed.
Are you considering a more modern name for his first name? Maybe if that is what you want it wouldn't be too hard convincing your husband that it will be easier for the child as he goes through school with an "English" or whatnot first name.
We have the same tradition, but I didn't have a son so I was off the hook.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 March 2013):
 I am afraid that you can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs, so while , as the mom of the baby and the one who is physically going through the effort to MAKE this baby come out , the choice of the name should not go over your head and go against your tastes, if it's something they care about and a cherished tradition, they WILL be upset.
You can ( diplomatically , of course ) remind them that you do not live in Lebanon anymore, and the child will not grow up as Lebanese, so might as well adopting the uses of your host country, and baby's birth place. And you may ( still as diplomatically as possible ) say that since the baby will have his father's and grandfather's last name,- they can be content with that, the baby has a motherline too !, so why not a name from YOUR family , or of YOUR choice, what do they think mom is , chopped liver ? ( well, that would not be that diplomatic , say it differently :) .
Ultimately though, these are rational objections, and their preference is emotional , so... I think you will have to think and choose what's the minor of two evils for you, a ( hopefully just temporarily ) upset father in law , or a child with an ugly first name.
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A
male
reader, Cantremember  +, writes (6 March 2013):
This tradition is very common. How did people escape it here? They made a compromise and moved the traditional name to middle name. Maybe that will work in your case too.
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