A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a foreign girl living in the U.S.. I'm originally from Former Yugoslavia. I have been here for about 9 years now, and it's very different from my country. I don't mean that in a negative way, in fact I love it here. Anyway, I've been in a relationship with a Hispanic man for about 2 months now and I couldn't be happier. The problem is, is that I'm really shy when it comes to texting him, He texts me all the time, but I don't want it to seem like he's the only one making an effort to contact me. Lets just say I have a hard time expressing my feelings sometimes, well most of the time, actually. When he does text me, I always double-check my grammar when I reply (which takes like 10 min.) to make sure I don't look stupid. I find that grammar is very important, but sometimes it annoys me that I spend so much time worrying about what he'll think if I spell a word wrong. Another things is, is that I have a very hard time sending simple messages such as "I miss you" or "I wish you were here". I don't know how to change that about myself. Does anybody else have or has had this problem? Help?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 March 2013):
 Don't worry, stay who you are and express yourself in the way that's most congenial to you. You don't have to mimic all the American mannerisms.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing anti-American in me, and I too lived there and totally loved it, but not all their habits are worth to be copied, and one is their easy, superficial over-effusiveness.
The funny thing is that I am Italian, so we are supposed to be an affectionate, sentimental bunch, right ? , well, it was nothing compared to USA, I was amazed, after 6 months I had made new friends and it was all a waterfall of " love you " " miss you " " can't wait to see you " " you mean a lot to me " etc. I was mad at my old friends at home :), those bitches, I thought, we have been friends for over 20 years and nobody ever came up with an " I love you " ?...
The fact is, that in USA people are more comfortable with these words because they are less loaded, they weight less, they mean less. They aren't really well thought and deeply felt, it's .. a way of talking. Nice but , basically, a habit.
Now, I don't want you to get mad at me , I am not implying you that your bf does not REALLY love you, or miss you etc. etc., he does :IN THE MOMENT. He does not have to stop and think " Wait, am I going to say that when I don't know if it will still hold true in 1,2, 3, years ?... " Or, " this is a special, important thing to say to anybody , so important that I'll keep it for one on one and I won't waste on a mundane text "... Or all the other considerations that , right or wrong, generally Europeans associate with talking about feelings.
They feel like saying it, makes them feel good in the moment, makes the other person feel good , they'll say it without thinking.
If you are use to give a different weight to your words, and if, even when you really feel them, think there's a time place and occasion for expressing your emotions ,better than as a close to a text that maybe says " Dinner saturday at Joe's " or " pls. pick up my laundry "- there's nothing wrong. They are not wrong for doing what comes natural to them , you are not wrong for doing what comes natural to you .
As for the poster who says that she has " lost occasions " for not being lovey -dovey enough and " opening up " to quasi-strangers - I respect her opinion, but I don't share it . Imagine if someone who is really interested in you would lose interest just because you don't put enough xxx for his tastes at the end of the text ! can't see it happening, and if it does, she hasn't missed much anyway ...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): Oh wow I went thru the exact same problem as well,when I read ur question I was like wait did I post that question lol!
Due to this problem of not opening up and taking soo much time double checking everything I lost out on some potential relationships and I still have the same problem,only that I'm working now and I don't really have any time with the recent promotion but when I was in the dating game yess I did it and I'm not proud of it,it made the guys think I'm not interested in them,or I'm bored and just don't value the effort they r putting in
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