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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone. Please read this whole thing and give me any type of advice or help. I have been in a really wonderful and happy relationship for a couple of years now. I am not the jealous type of person at all. I will admit that I may be a bit insecure, but it has never caused any problems with my relationship. My boyfriend has a large circle of friends, and I also share these same friends with him. We all get along fine even though they may cause a bit of drama every now and then. There has recently been a female that has came into our group of friends. She is really nice to everyone....except me.She has a huge problem with me and avoids me completely and she doesn't even know me or anything about me. She will start being flirty with my boyfriend and not even acknowledge that I'm there! Every time we come in any type of contact she wont even say one word to me and just leaves. She tries to keep all of these friends away from me and doesn't like when I talk to them, they have even said so. She flirts constantly with everyone and has a very sexual and vulgar type of humor.. I hate to say she is very whore-ish. It's almost like she is trying to 'steal' all of these people away from me..including my boyfriend. My friends seem to not be bothered by this whole situation. The biggest problem is I don't like it that my boyfriend is friends with this girl! I'm sorry but I just don't.. She just does not care about anybody's feelings and is mean to me. This has only been going on for about a week now and I'm honestly sick to my stomach about my boyfriend being friends with her. She has added everyone including my boyfriend on social networking sites except me. (I know that's not the point but still..it bothers me) It's honestly come to the point to where I'm constantly thinking about what kind of trouble this girl is up to and what she is talking to my boyfriend about. This girl is up to no good.. She is hurting me on purpose, and even talks bad about me! She will invite everyone to talk or hang out except me. There has been nothing but drama and stress ever since this girl came along. I have never had a problem with any of my boyfriends friends besides this girl. I am so stressed and sick because she flirts with my boyfriend but is so very mean to me..I don't know why this is happening but nobody seems to understand what this girl is doing to me...I have been friends with these people for several years and it's annoying that this is happening. I'm losing all of my friends. It's stressing me out that there is a trouble making girl being flirty with my boyfriend. Why is she doing this? How do I deal with her flirting with my boyfriend and pretending like I'm not even there or acknowledging me?I know my boyfriend wouldn't cheat, that is not really the problem here. It's the fact that this whole situation is going on and I don't know what to do about it. None of this is my boyfriends problem. He is all I have in life and losing him over this would just be very sad. He has no idea how upset I have been over this. I have been absolutely worried sick over this. So much drama and confusion..My god. How do I deal with a situation like this? I have no idea what to do and it's making me insane.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 March 2013):
 Ok I read this… let me recap what I got from this (so if I’m wrong you can correct me OP)
1. You are with your boyfriend for a couple of years
2. You are insecure (a bit you say maybe)
3. You both have a large circle of mutual friends
4. A new female has entered your group and she is not playing nice with you the way you would like so you feel threatened by her.
So this new woman was brought into the group by someone other than your boyfriend? If so, there is not much you can do about her being a part of the group. If she’s really trying to exclude you from the group (and since your BF was in the group before you, then YOU will be the one tossed if there is an issue not him)
IF your friends are not bothered by her, then I think you may be over-reacting.
Just because a woman flirts with a taken man, does not mean she will take him. IT does not mean anything at all other than she’s got no morals or ethics. Also it depends on what you mean by flirting. You say she’s vulgar and sexual. I’m betting you would find me that way too but that’s neither here nor there, just saying that to make the point that we all interpret folks behaviors as it pertains to us and while someone else may find her not vulgar, you do. And that’s ok. WE don’t have to like everyone and everyone does not have to like us. Once I learned that life got easier.
It’s been going on a week… that’s not really a long time and it’s not even enough for folks to get tired of her being stupid if that’s what’s going on….
Your post is all about how she’s hurting you and being mean to you… and I BET if we got her side of it, it’ would be something along the lines of “I can’t be nice to her, she gives me the evil eye all the time” I’m not saying you do, I just think that perhaps she’s picking up on your insecurity and using it to her advantage.
It’s been A WEEK, how can you say you are losing all your friends after A WEEK? I’m wondering who the drama queen really is here…. And how are you losing your friends? Have they stopped calling or texting? Are they unfriending you on social media? HOW are you losing your friends?
IF you know your boyfriend won’t cheat, then you have NO PROBLEM. Just carry on and kill her with kindness.
I am concerned that you said “He is all I have in life and losing him over this would just be very sad” WOW no he’s NOT all you have in life….. you have friends, and school and work and family and so many other things… making a man all you have in life to live for is NOT healthy.
I think the drama and confusion is in your own head dear. Have you asked your boyfriend what his take on her is?
Seriously, let me tell you that if a woman came into our group and did to me what you say this woman is doing to you, (flirting with your boyfriend and ignoring you) well two things would happen.
I would have talked to my husband about her and ask him what his take was on her. IF you have not done this, that’s the first thing you need to do… if you haven’t talked to him why haven’t you said something to him? I ask this because the reason for you not talking to him about it will tell me so much more about why this is such an issue for you. You say he won’t cheat but yet you have not talked to him… why are you afraid to talk to him about it? I would talk to my husband about it and his response would probably be “she’s flirting? I didn’t even notice…” truth be told, men who are happily committed don’t even notice casual flirting… they will be clueless they are getting hit on… their radar is just totally turned off to this sort of thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): Outside of being a total "drama-queen," have you explained any of this to your boyfriend? If all this is going on, how can a total stranger come along and just steal all your friends, including your boyfriend? Are you just a little jealous and feeling you're not the center of attention? Maybe she senses your dislike for her and she's only responding to your insecurity. Everyone in the group welcomed her but you. How come?You sent out signals that you were protective of your boyfriend, based on your first impression that she's after him. Yet you claim to trust him. Your words and actions contradict each other. You are sick with envy. She's fresh and new and getting a lot of attention. That bother's you.If your boyfriend isn't responding to her advances, then what is your problem? If she didn't include you as one of her social contacts, it's because you feel she is a whore and too flirty. Somehow I sense you made your opinion known to her. You were probably snobbish and offered no welcome.She saw right through you. You see her as a threat.You obviously have a very low opinion of her, and it wouldn't surprise me if it is apparent to everyone else around you. You're stewing in your own juices, and accusing everyone of dumping you for the likes of this girl.Why don't you invite her to lunch? Sit down and talk to her and just give yourself a chance to find out what it is that everyone else, including your boyfriend, likes about her.Face your fears, and keep your enemies close. You might even like this girl. Stop judging her before you even really know her.
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