A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, so I know I'm going to get alot of hate for this topic, and I've never seen myself being the type of woman to get myself involved with a married because I know how that ends. But anyway, I have a 9 year old with my ex who is married and has been married for 7 years he has 2 sons with his wife. Him and I have been good at co parenting and getting along since we broke up when our daughter was 8 months old. I must admit that co parenting with him hasn't always been easy and I used too could not stand him. But things changed in August. Normally we would only talk when it had to do with our daughter, and then out of no where in August he started texting me asking how I was and stuff like that. I automatically knew something wasn't right. He texted me here and there every day for a week and then one day said " so there's been something I've wanted to talk to you about and idk how to ask you". Right then I got scared because I thought maybe it was something about our daughter. Well then a few days passed and he wanted to talk to me in person about it so I agreed and he came to my house. So he came over and things was so awkward to begin with because he doesn't come to my house very often and I don't really talk to him. So we have small talk to a few minutes and then he says " so P (our daughter) has been telling me that she wants a sibling by you and I was just wondering if you would want too". I was shocked, and I didn't know what to say. So I was like " how would we do that!?". And he was just like " really how?, you know where babies come from?". Honestly I was in disbelief. So then he said " so do I tell B (his wife) before or after you get pregnant". I right away said no. No I'm not having another baby with you, your not exactly single. So then we talked for a few more minutes and then he was getting ready to leave. Mind you, I'm already shocked, speechless and unsure how to react. Then he kissed me!A few weeks go by, we text every day, we hangout, then one day we have sex and it definitely wasn't planned.. A few times while he was texting me he told me that he loves me and he always has and always will and that he has loved me since we was together. And he has said that he wasn't happy in his marriage and that he hates knowing he is stuck being with someone everyday that he doesn't want to be with.. I didn't know what to say to that, so I never said anything. Fast forward to now. We have both said " i love you". We have hungout in public, we have even went out together with our daughter a few times. Our daughter has caught us kissing once. He tells me all the time he misses me when we can't see each other. Every time we see each other he always kisses me, and holds me, holds my hand and just treats me how a guy treats a girl that he loves. He has given me money that he didn't want me using for our daughter. There's been several times that I have told him I wanted to end things. And every time I tell him, he doesn't want too. A few weeks ago I told him I wanted to end things because I feel like he just wanted sex and I don't want just that. So then he said that he wasn't just wanting sex because if he did he wouldn't cuddle with me, kiss me, or text me everyday. He has said he can't go a day without talking to me. And when I don't text him first sometimes he gets mad that I don't. So now after 6 months of us doing this. I'm feeling like I want to end it. Things but when I mention it, it's like he gets mad or gets in a weird mood or something. Because I know that we will never be together and I'm just ready to start dating. I don't want to waist more time doing this with him, because I feel like there's no point in it when I can be looking for someone who is single. But it's easier said than done. He's the father of my child so it's not like I can just cut him out of my life and never see him again, and I can't go a day withouth wanting to talk to him. So since Friday I have ignored his texts and haven't texted him back. Does anyone have any advice on how to make ending things easier since we do share a child together?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 March 2020):
 You want an easy way to end it ? Try this : tell him that you made up your mind, you do want another child from him, you do love him and want him forever- so all it's left to do for the both of you is going together to talk to his wife, and give here the good news : from now on she's out, you're in.
Just hint something similar, you don't even need to be persistent or convincing… and I bet all you want he'll disappear so fast that you won't be able to see his back among for dust clouds he'll be kicking up running.
Of course, you don't need to be so inventive, and to give him such a scare. It's enough that , from now on, you do stick strictly to co-parenting , and limit communications between you to matters pertaining to your daughter . How hard can it be, once you do decide ? He's just some guy, not an heroin addiction ,that you need to wean yourself off !
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 March 2020):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-having-sex-with-my-ex-who-is.html
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (4 March 2020):
I remember you asking a previous question on this topic.
Seems you didn’t listen to the advice anyone gave.
Advice this time? Really simple, keep any conversation strictly to discussing your child and only that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2020): Is it possible that when it's time for your daughter's father to spend time with her, that you drop her off at his house, where hopefully his wife is and pick her up from there too? No door stop surprises from him at your house.
He sounds horrible, trying to control you with his anger and quite happy to get you pregnant without a thought for his wife. So well done for wanting out.
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A
female
reader, CarrieSoa +, writes (2 March 2020):
 I'll tell you at first hand how this will play out. My sister has been with a married man for almost 20 years. She has 2 children with him and he has never left his wife for her. He has used her all these years yet she still stays with him. She has wasted the best years of her life with someone who will never put her first, uses the excuse that he's stuck in a marriage blah blah blah. She was 18 when she met him, she is now 38, out of shape and a single mum to 2 kids who sees there Dad once a week. Is that how you want your life to be?Wake the hell up. He's using you and you are falling for it. Who the hell cares if he kisses and cuddles you, goes out in public with you. That only tells me that he is using a smoke screen of affection to make you think he really wants to be with you. In fact he wants to be married and have you for sex as well. He is a loser. He is a bad example for his daughter and you need to have more respect for yourself than to tolerate this bullshit. How would you feel if your daughter was doing the same with a married man? What would you advise? I can guarantee it wouldn't be what you are doing right now.Your daughter can still have a relationship with her Dad without you. Hand her over to him at the front door and return her to you at the front door. Distance yourself from this low life and find yourself someone who will always make you a priority, not a sex toy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 March 2020):
 I think the "easiest" way to end this is ask him to tell his wife or stop contacting you. (except about your shared child). I bet he rather stop contacting you instead of breaking his wife's heart.
So WHAT if he gets mad or moody? Just stop replying to his texts and stop meeting up and STOP having sex and making out. It's REALLY not that complicated. YOU do have the ability to CONTROL yourself. You know that, right?
Since you have already begun to detach from him by NOT responding to his texts, stick to it. If he calls or shows up DO NOT let him in your house, HAVE a VERY short conversation AT THE DOOR, telling him :"no, this isn't going to work, this is NOT what I want for myself and our child." I don't want to be some "side-chick" and I don't want to be part of the reason your wife and kids gets hurt.
Having another kid with this guy is NOT a good idea. But it seems you know that. So make DAMNED sure you don't get knocked up by this one.
Think about this for a minute, HOW would you feel if you had married someone, who has a child with someone else and then years later he is messing around with that woman again? HOW would YOU feel?
You already seem to know that this is wrong. He USED your daughter and her "wish" for a sibling to get into your panties. How low is that? Think about it. Why on Earth should he have the "privileged" to father another child with you? Or anyone besides the woman he married?
USE that common sense that you OBVIOUSLY have, and STICK to NO more of this. You should never have let him seduce you in the first place, but that is a day late and a dollar short. So from NOW on, BE smarter.
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