A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 34 year old woman and I have a friend whom I really love. I just have one problem. I dont think he really cares for me and I need to seperate myself from him, I just dont know how. Everytime he ask me for something I do my best to get it for him. He has never bought me anything. Hes leaving tuesday and he asked me to help pay for his trip, I had every intention on paying its just that my money didnt get in my account on time. I texted him and told him how sorry I was but he didnt respond. I feel really sad and I want to cry, I feel used and unloved. I just want to distance myself from him.how do I get rid of him becausbecause he has really hurt me and I know ive been foolish
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): Wow, fate stepped in for you didn't it, am so pleased the money didn't go into your account because his reaction has just highlighted what a user he is. You must have a guardian angel.
If he's off on a trip Tuesday, good riddance, do not let him back into your life.Do not part with a penny.
He can only do what you let him do, so cut ALL contact and start building a future for yourself - do not let any man treat you like this again
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (19 February 2012):
 Side with Cindycares, if your co-dependant, you keep him because you need to help someone, then doing it gently will see you giving up and not doing anything at all.
I bet it took a lot of strength to write to us. If you don't use the little energy you got, you'll stay and he will take all your money away and you'll never find happiness.
I know it's hard, but it's the best way.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 February 2012):
 I have to disagree with my friend Uncle Shawncaff ( hi Shawncaff, nice to see you back on DC ).
If you know that you have been foolish, and you know that you have been / are being used, and you still have trouble controlling yourself- then it is an addiction, - same as cigarette smoking. Now, what works best for quitting smoking and leaves less chance for relapses, is quitting cold turkey, no ifs or buts or later. And accepting that there WILL be withdrawal symptoms, there will be cravings and moodiness and even depression, it's all normal. It won't be a bed of roses , but you CAN handle it and you will.
Next time he hits you for money , just e-mail him . HECK NO !- And if he gets in touch to argue or plead ,...just block him and delete his numbers. No more access to you.
If you want to be free - you know there's an emotional price to pay, but it's totally worth it !
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (19 February 2012):
 I would agree with the other posters...except I think it might be hard to completely break with him all at once.
You can also distance yourself gradually. Don't return his calls right away, don't initiate contact and let him contact you, etc. Give yourself space so that YOU remain in control, instead of letting him call the shots.
It sounds like you might be co-dependent. I think it may be worthwhile for you to look into this so that you can change your way of relating to men in dating situations. It IS possible to change...and to find a decent guy who will NOT treat you like this!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (19 February 2012):
He's only using you for money. You don't have to do everything for a man and pay him, that isn't love at all. Write him a letter, tell him he is too expensive for you to keep and you are tired of a man who never has any money because he's too cheap.
You've got a lot of love to give, this guy aint the right one. He just takes and gives nothing back and leaves you feeling unhappy. Send a letter then lose his number and never speak to him again.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 February 2012):
 HE's a USER! No real man would be asking a girl to pay for his trip! Put your pocketbook away! Don't give him another cent! No. No way. Not ever. Never. Not on your life.
Do not call him back. Let him pay for his own trip. Stop crying. Stop pining. Stop! STOP! STOP STOP STOP!!!!
This is your chance to separate from him. The fact that he has the gall to be asking you for money and then turning a cold shoulder gives you the perfect opening to drop him. How much more simple can this be? If you're needing help to emotionally separate, get your best friend, mother, sister, aunt, mentor, to help you. If you have a brother, they are VERY useful! If you feel weak and want to grovel or give him money or even contact him, call a friend or loved one and do not give him any communication or attention.
This guy is a con artist. Do you really want a con artist? He will not love you. Paying someone to love you is the worst, and you have *got* to pull yourself together NOW, do not give him money, and start believing in your own loveability, because this guy is taking advantage of your low self-esteem.
Get rid of him! Leave him a message that he's not the one for you, that it's over, and that he needn't bother calling back!
Then get your friends and family to rally with you, because they've probably already think he's slug slime and will be happier than happy for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): "How do I distance myself from a friend that only uses me?"
Say "NO" once or twice and he'll disappear in a flash.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (19 February 2012):
 Wow, what a dick!!! He asked you to pay for his trip away???? And because you couldn't get the funds in time he's now ignoring you???
Here's what you do...
BLOCK EVERY FORM OF CONTACT YOU HAVE WITH HIM!
I'm talking cell numbers, email addresses, facebook, twitter, anything and everything. Get them changed or blocked. He can't ask you for stuff if he can't get hold of you!! At least then you can stop wasting your time on this male golddigger!!
Trust me, you need to do this so you can be happy! Good luck!!!
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