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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: He and i were fwb in the past but we're just friends now. I went to see him at his place because he's going away for a month and we wanted to see each other before he left. We've always been pretty flirty around each other but nothing has happened since our FWB thing ended because he has a girlfriend now who lives near him. He lives hours away from me. He came down last week to visit. He was staying at his dad's house and invited me over to watch a movie. Nothing happened but he did keep cuddling me. Yesterday we were talking on Facebook and he started taking about how soft my skin was and that he feels like I don't want him near me. I said I did but only as a friend because he has a girlfriend and I'm dating someone now, which he already knows. He wants to see me again and go for a drink or to the movies. I asked him what he wanted to do and he said stay in and watch a movie at his and that he'd have more time for me this time.I'm just confused about why he can't just act like a friend. He said he was sorry if he made me uncomfortable yet the next day he's making vulgar comments about me and my boyfriend again. He's making these comments to me on Facebook chat while posting on his girlfriend's wall at the same time pretending he cares. It's like he sees the whole thing as a big game and never feels guilt at all. How can that be normal? Is he some kind of sociopath?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (20 February 2012):
 It's up to you to leave him.
It shouldn't even get to this point. Who gives a flying rat's behind whether he's right or wrong? YOU shouldn't be talking to him!
So leave him alone!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 February 2012):
 It's up to you to tell YOURSELF what's right or wrong. Pls. re-read well YouWish's answer, it may help you grasp the concept of personal responsibility with which apparently you have some issue.
So you just wanted to be friends and you acted in all and for all only out of a friendly interest, which he could not possibly misread uh ?
Then let me ask you : what's this " friendship " based on ? What 's the connection, other than sexual ? what past do you share, out of your past episodes of casual sex ?
And, did you treat him as any other friend of yours ? meaning, do you always flirt with your FEMALE friends too ? Do you cuddle with them too ?
If a female friend would touch you in an inappropriate way, I guess you'd be quick to tell her : Hey,take your hands off me or I'll chop them off "- how come you did not say anything to this great male friend of yours when " he kept cuddling you " ? ... And , if friendship is all you had in mind, then why didn't you introduce this guy to your current bf, in fact why did not invite your bf to join you for movie night , you could have hung out all together, the more the merrier...
Moral : you want to know why this guy acts inappropriately when he knows that's wrong to his GF ... : Maybe for the same reason why you act inappropriately when you know that's wrong to your BF..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's ridiculous. I like how nobody is blaming him at all and saying it's up to me to tell him what's right or wrong.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 February 2012):
Not until you keep being " flirty " with him and let him cuddle you !.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually, i have told him. I told him that him talking about me and my boyfriend wasn't appropriate, i didn't like it and i wanted it to stop. Can't he figure out it's wrong by himself?!
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male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (19 February 2012):
 He doesn't feel guilty because you have not made it clear that he did anything wrong. From your description, you've been very passive about the whole thing, letting the vulgar comments go without telling him they bother you, and not making clear in no uncertain terms that as a friend there is to be no physical affection from him.
It may be that he does not feel guilt, but you have not given him reason to. Tell him how much it all bothers you and give him an ultimatum, and then see how he reacts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not saying i'm some kind of saint i just wondered why he didn't feel any guilt that's all. I didn't go and see him to cuddle or watch a movie. He said he wanted to stay friends and i believed him then.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (19 February 2012):
A sociopath ? he sounds just like an average guy trying his sexual luck with what he perceives as potentially available and recptive subject.
If he acts this way it's because you LET him. You cooperate , in fact. If you have a boyfriend, why are you cuddling and having cozy movie nights with another guy ? Why are you so concerned about being friends with someone who posts vulgar comments about you all over the net, - is that a friend worth keeping in your opinion ??
He can't stay friends because he does not give a damn about your friendship- he wants to f..k you , no more and no less. What platonic friend would wax lyrical about the softness of your skin ?... But , unless you are Snowwhite just out of the fairytale, ... you must know this already in your heart, so if you haven't stopped these inappropriate attentions, it's because ...probably you don't dislike them at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): Why are you even bothering to communicate with this low-life, he's trying to cheat on his girlfriend by having sex with you, and who knows who else.He doesn't care, he's a player.
You have a boyfriend who your showing no respect for, you spend time with and chat to some bloke you used to have sex with. Your asking about him on here. Why?
Block him everywhere,delete his number, forget he exists. Focus on your boyfriend before you lose him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI only said "sociopath" because he doesn't seem to care about what he does at all. Yes, i do feel guilt and i haven't seen him and won't be seeing him again.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (19 February 2012):
 Like shawncaff, the reason I don't see him as a sociopath, is you only mention bad treatment of women, not of all human beings.
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male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (19 February 2012):
I think YouWish summed it up pretty well. The whole situation is wrong, whether he is a sociopath or not.
Regarding being a sociopath, I would just add that the distinguishing feature of a sociopath is that he/she views others as objects and means toward ends, rather than people. Womanizers may do that, but that does not mean they are sociopaths. To be a sociopath, you need to do that with everyone.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (19 February 2012):
Not a psychopath. But he has no respect for women. He only can relate to you as a sex toy, he doesn't see women as friends. He want's to have sex with you and still keep his girlfriend. He doesn't hide anything, he doesn't have to, who cares what women think about his behaviour. He'll lie to his girlfriend and make her believe that she's neurotic and stupid. He'll lie to you and make you believe that you are misreading his intentions or dreaming.Men like this are dangerous. Men who push you for sex, don't care who knows, show very little respect, aren't worried about other people seeing their disgusting behaviour, constantly make disgusting comments about sex... sorry babes, but such guys show the type of thinking that rapist do.Please don't be alone with this guy. Even better, dump him, block him on facebook and lose his number.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 February 2012):
I don't know if he's a sociopath, and I'm not a licensed psychologist. I do know that he's a jerk and a user of women. However, I must point out something here.
What in God's name are you doing?!?
First of all, you should not be friends or in any way connected with those who you've had intimate dealings with if you're trying to have a relationship with someone else.
My question is -- do you feel guilt? You have a boyfriend, yet you're hanging around this former FWB? How would you feel if your boyfriend were keeping contact with a woman he used to have sex with on a regular basis? My guess is -- you wouldn't be that happy, and you'd be in the right for not wanting to tolerate it.
Also, you should open your eyes and see this ex-FWB for what he truly is. Drop the psych evaluation and allow your emotions to react to the fact that his girlfriend doesn't know that he's flirting, cuddling, making vulgar comments about you and your boyfriend and clearly soliciting sexual activity with you behind his innocent girlfriend's back. You are an accomplice to his treating his girlfriend like crap.
So where is your sense of pride, guilt, and dignity? You should drop him, block him, lose him, run from him, disavow, and shun this guy. It's not normal for you to be associating with him while you've got a boyfriend.
You cannot be friends with him. You cannot be *just* friends with him. You have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend. How much simpler can that be?? Past sexual contact automatically disqualifies a guy from retaining a friendship with you if you're trying to be a loyal, honest, and good girlfriend.
Think of it this way -- if you have a sister, mother, or best friend who had a husband or boyfriend who treats her like your ex-FWB treats his girlfriend, would you not completely despise and loathe him?? Why is this not your reaction of your ex??
I'll tell you why, and it's the very reason why you have justified in your mind that you could possibly be friends with him.
Forget *his* guilt. Time to tap into yours for the first time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): Hes being a freakin cheater he wants to get in your pants and thats all he wants trust me i know guys i am one ..
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 February 2012):
 He's some kind of cheater. Seriously, who would cuddle with a girl and then follow up with comments about how soft her skin is and not be trying something on?
He may be a narcissist, a sociopath seems a bit extreme of a label, but whatever he is, he's trying to cheat. Drop him, don't bother being friends, he honestly isn't worth it!
Good luck.
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