A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,There's this guy at work who I'm totally jealous of. He's younger than me, everyone at work adores him. He's considered, funny, witty, smart and brilliant. I get pangs of anger and jealousy all the time. Our careers have over the last 4 years pitted us against each other time and time again. We worked previously for the same company, where he was also much loved and accomplished. For whatever reason he is always more popular with his colleagues. I'd argue I'm a lot better at my job, but because he has such good relations with superiors his work gets praised though at times unremarkable.We've even competed for love interests before and seem to always be competing for the same friends. Though for the most part he seems to always win, which hurts. Especially when I try so hard and want it so bad.We're not close nor do we click, we're professional about things, but its clear 1. he sees me as a threat 2. I see him as a threat.I realize he is just as guilty of jealousy as I am. Though the difference is I am prepared to admit it and be smart to use it to better myself.What is the best way to simultaneously get over my jealousy, improve myself career wise and personally. Should I be studying him and appreciate what he;s doing right and then apply it to my life?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): I'm the OP, thanks for your response. I think partially him being "better" is in the minds of my colleagues around me, and therefore if you're told you're worse you think you're worse. We are very different in our skill-sets, and I try not to compare my life to his because at the end of the day, looking in on his life from outside, I can observe 1. There is a version of his life he projects (and others buy) 2. There is the reality of his life which I can see, and none cares enough to analyze. This is the case for everyone. How good you are at projecting a version of your life is not the same as actually being happy (fair to say?)
Some people are very good at selling themselves, they won't show their weaknesses, and though they are aware they have them. But truly brilliant people celebrate their strengths and weaknesses because thats what makes them human. Also, in life and careers, someone else might get that girl or jobs for reasons we are not privy too, office place politics, luck or some other underhand deal.
Things can change if I stay, but I'm not holding my breath because after two years opinions are formed and you can only hope to learn from the reasons why people viewed you in a certain way.
I disagree that people are born under a lucky star, yes luck plays into success but so does hard work. It's a combination of being at the right place at the right time and a lot of hard work.
I think the best thing is to distance myself which is what I have done. But to make the most of my remaining time at my current workplace (however long that may be). At the end of the day, if my colleagues don't think much of me, thats their opinion, everywhere you go you will be received differently, all you can be is a decent person and hope people can see that.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 Stop comparing yourself to this person. You're born alone, you die alone, so fucking live how you want to live. If this person has qualities that you wish to emulate then by all means, recognize the traits that this person has and read a book or two that focuses on those traits. But don't for a second think that this co-worker of yours is cut from a different cloth. He isn't.
The workplace is shallow as fuck. All that could be the difference between you two is a firmer handshake, a wider smile and a more confident body stance. They're all tiny tweaks that seem to be largely irrelevant to your work ethic- but seem to make massive differences.
P.S. Don't quit your job. Stand up to the challenge to better yourself and use your clarity to your advantage...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): I had a similar situation with my former best friend. I also tried "learning" from her and applying it in my life. But one thing I knew for sure was I could never win. So, for me the solution was to distance myself from her, that way I would stop comparing my life to hers. And I'm glad to say it worked out pretty well.
Have you considered looking for another job? Because it is unlikely things will change if you stay. People like that were born under a lucky star or something and everybody loves them, it is just their destiny and you can't change that. What you can change is their presence in your life.
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