A
male
age
41-50,
*r.mike
writes:Well,My girlfriend and I just had the discussion about where we want to go with our lives, and it was rough, we've both been thru lots in our lives, however she still is a wonderful woman, But recently we've tryed to figure out what we want from life, I'm 35 and she is 28, we both are Canadian citizens and live in Canada, she wants me to quit my job and move to another country (california,USA to be exact) she has a disability (cp) witch prevents her from working, so the government gives her a disability check here in Canada, she wants to live in LA to try and live her dream in the modeling and radio business, and I want to plant my roots here and have a house and my own family here, I feel that if I quit my job ( city transportation) wig a pention, I wouldn't be able to find work and support her, I get a bad gut feeling on it, 5 years ago I tryied to plant roots in another country and it didn't work, and I told myself when I got back home it was time to stop fooling around and get a good job, and I did, I don't really feel comfortable giving that up, to try and become something I'm not, Now she is sleeping on the couch and told me she was going to leave, that she has just wasted her time, and that if I truly loved her I would try! Am I in the wrong for not wanting to move? What should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Mr.mike +, writes (17 March 2013):
Mr.mike is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey every one,, I'd like to say sorry for not replying to this, sooner, I know it's been a while, I thought I'd let you know, I decided I wasn't going to move at all, and I've told her if that's what she wants to do then I'd support her decision to follow her career,,, she decide to stay with me and were still together, however I can tell she still hopes that one day I'll change my mind,, but most likely not gonna happen, Thanks for all your input, I did read it befor and it defiantly helped me confirm my feelings,
Thank you all
A
male
reader, Mr.mike +, writes (16 April 2012):
Mr.mike is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, ok so all your advice is pretty well exactly how I feel, and we've made some progress, I've been watching the economy for a few months now, and your right, I'd be foolish to move away from what I have had to work hard for, So we're staying put, thank you all so very much!!!!It's helped me bring light to this discussion and I was able to get her to realize how difficult it would be, if we moved, by the sounds of it, she's gonna stay too and make the best out of life here, For the record, my gf has had a long hystory of modeling and acting, and she has several friends that are willing to help her in the radio business, it's been on and off for years, but this last year, I've seen and herd of quite a few of her friends have been laid off or had to move because of no work, So ya, if she wants to go, she's more then welcome too, I just can't go with her, I think she's comeing to terms with it, Thanks everyone, if I could express my gratitude in words, this was a big help
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (15 April 2012):
No, you're not in the wrong for not wanting to move. You're happy where you're at and there's nothing wrong with that. Being someone who lives in California, near L.A., it's not easy. It's very expensive and California has a high unemployment rate right now.
I think your girlfriend feels that if you really loved her, you would sacrafice what you have and let her pursue her dreams. Some people do that and other people just aren't up for that.
Honestly, though. I think you should let her go and do it. If she has a disability, I don't understand why she's trying to work if she supposedly can't, but whatever, I guess that's not what the question is about. But you don't want her to become resentful then blame you for not "following her dreams." I'm not saying she won't make it, because she very well could. But trying to become a famous model (28 is considered "old" in the modeling industry) or radio personality isn't easy, because there's A LOT of other people trying to do the same thing. I mean celebrities lived out of their cars for a while before even starting to make any money!
So let her go try it. I don't necessarily think you're in the wrong as long as you let her go see for herself. Don't hold her back, consider seeing her if/when she goes out there and taking a look and seeing if you like it. You can at least try in that sense. But definitely do leave site-unseen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): I don't think you're in the wrong here, based simply on the facts of the situation (I'm not even going to touch the question of how she'd get a visa to go experiment with this - I don't think the US hands them out to people who can't work and are going to need financial handouts from the get-go.)She wants you to quit a solid steady job to move to another country so she can be one of a million women trying to make it big in Hollywood? Not to be cruel, but at 28 she's already "over the hill" for many acting/modeling gigs. Why hire her if they can hire a 21-year-old with smoother skin and perkier tits? I'm sorry to be crude but that's what she's going to be judged on - shallow physical beauty.I am a former (now laid off, along with dozens of my coworkers) public employee in California and I'm dating a Canadian guy, who moved here to work for the state before I met him and is likely to be laid off also in a few months (along with dozens of his coworkers) when the new fiscal year begins. I can therefore tell you from experience that California is a tough place to find and keep a public job right now. As our governor makes more and more cuts to agency budgets, the agencies turn around and cut jobs across the board because they have to. People who have worked for a given place for years still aren't "safe" from being let go. Honestly, I'd not advise anyone to move here for work right now, let alone drop a good job they ALREADY HAVE and uproot their lives because their girlfriend thinks she wants to be a movie star.You need to explain that her life is hers to choose what she does with it, but she can't expect you to gamble what you have for an unrealistic fantasy. In the long run, she may not be the one for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2012): "Am I in the wrong for not wanting to move? What should I do?"
You are not wrong for refusing to give up your life for your girlfriend's childish fantasy. California is filled with gorgeous 19-year-old nobodies so a disabled inexperienced 28-year-old amateur has no shot at a career "in the modeling and radio business," and if she did she wouldn't have to relocate to California to find opportunities.
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