A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi Dearcupid Members, thanks for clicking this post and for any feedback.I am 20yrs old and finding life really difficult at the moment. I had been with my ex-girlfriend for about 10 months and we both said we were in love.However we broke up just under 3 weeks ago and I am heartbroken!Simply the breakup was because she just wasn’t in love with me. She told me she didn’t want to come on holiday with my family after we booked the tickets and then said she wasn’t ever in love with me. Gutted!I have read countless blogs on the Internet about how to deal with a breakup but it’s so damn hard. One day I think I’m fine, next thing I cant sleep and get bombarded with a wave of memories about her. She told me on that day to not look back and believe it was all fake, but I can’t help it the memories now hurt.I had to text her today to get her address so I could send her possessions back to her. After her reply, which wasn’t conversational I really really struggled not to text back and ask how she was. I didn’t though.I know other people have suffered so much worse in their lives and believe it could have ended much worse for me, but the feeling of loss is overwhelming. Can you tell me how to deal with breakups and the dragging time afterwards?Thankyou
View related questions:
a break, broke up, ex girlfriend, heartbroken, my ex, on holiday, text, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Blackjack  +, writes (19 July 2008):
Honestly I understand where you are coming from with the reading all the blogs on the internet telling you different things, and one day feeling fine and the next feeling like crap. I am going thorough all of it right now. As for how to get through all this time right now this is my own opinion and take it as you may.... I am exercising alot pretty much every day and it kinda sucks cause I am not in shape but it will help you feel better with the endorphins and making you tired so you fall asleep better. Other things that I am doing is I joined a club sport team and signed up for some volunteer work , it may not be your cup of tea but it might help keep you busy cause when you are not your mind will wander back to everything. There are also lots of great books to read or video games or movies..... honestly I am telling you this as much as I am telling myself all of it, but there are lots of things to do in the world.
I made a list of goals I would like to achieve some are small and some are large but putting it on paper helps you move in the right direction at least. And for that matter writing down how you feel and then getting rid of the letter has been told as a suggestion to me as well, but a word of warning do not let your letter go to your EX if you put things in it that are words of hurt and anger it might come across wrong, or whiny, but thats just what I feel.
As for the not talking part..... well they say its best to not talk and give space.... now I know that is easier said then done, I have tried not to talk to my own ex much for the last two weeks and its sucking but if I do talk to her I try and keep it brief and tell her the good things that I am doing, and not bring up any heavy topics or events.
Again I understand the pain you are feeing right now, I am sorry it truly does suck.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (15 July 2008):
 You did incredibly well not to text back today - well done. Give yourself a hug. (I'm not joking - you really are on the right lines, and doing so well.)
When this happens, it's like grief after someone has died. Because, let's face it, you have lost someone. It's almost worse, though, that she is still walking around and talking and living and doing stuff without you. Trust me, I understand. And it hurts even more when you aren't even allowed your memories - when you've been told she never even loved you in the first place.
I am in totally the same situation, and although I am older and female, it feels just the same - when I read your post, I knew 100% how you felt, because I feel the same. And in my situation, he told me 5 days after the birth of our baby. Nice, huh? He is still around, but I am not allowed to touch him, or be affectionate in any way, or ever talk about 'us'. Apparently he too never loved me - and never will (so he says). He now says he never wanted me - whereas he is the one who chased me!!
I'm telling you about me so you can see it's not just you and me - there must be loads of us out there in the same situation. How do I feel looking at my beautiful baby girl, seeing him there, and loving him, and I can't even give him a tiny kiss of love? Bad, I can tell you. And I know it will be even worse when he goes, as go he must.
But look: my dad died, and it felt the same. And how did I get through it? Exercise. Honestly, it's the best thing. Any time you feel bad - even at night - get down the gym or, better still, the swimming pool. Cycling and swimming. Pushing myself to the limit physically, and tiring myself out so that I slept from exhaustion. That's what I did. And from that you will get lots of good things - you will get the natural high of exercising hard, you'll get the comfort of repetition (length after length after length), you'll get time to reflect and grieve (I cry in the pool - about length 4, usually ; ), and you'll see other people working on their bodies and feel good about being part of that, and you'll get out of the house, and... you'll see lots of fit girls and begin to realise there's a great future somewhere for you, out there. And you'll get fit and hot! (not to say you aren't already!! But if so, it will only get better!) ... and then you'll be in perfect condition to meet someone else. Only this time, be really careful. Don't get close until you really can trust them. That's my plan. I need someone who likes babies, as welll! (I am trying to keep my spirits up, but it isn't easy)
...............................
A
male
reader, doddster_24 +, writes (15 July 2008):
 hi, my own personal experiances can come into play here.
i was with my ex for four yrs a similar situation to your only i had a child with her!!, one day she just upped and left and i was dumbstruck, i was so depressed i dint know what to do so i found myself a new hobbie to take things of my mind warhammer painting while listening to rock music helped me, i think to get over a broken heart you dont nessacerly have to replace that special somone just take your time. and if you do find that someone make sure you dont give your heart to cheaply.im the happiest ive been since i split with my ex as i have a new girlfriend and we chat for hours hug kiss but nothing else, i want her to earn my heart which she is doing.so u can get over this period in your life just stick with your heart you will be fine.
...............................
|
