A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi this may seem like a pointless post but it’s really bothering me I’ve been with my partner for 8 years we have a 4 year old daughter whenever I’m playing a game or tickling her or even reading to her he makes stupid comments as though I’m not meant to spend time with her he seems jealous he shows me no affection only when he wants sex so ive got the same way with him he’s boring and doesn’t make anytime for us my daughter gave me a kiss earlier so I gave her a kiss back he said get a room which really made me feel as though I was doing something wrong even tho I wasnt I was just giving her a kiss back what do I do about his jealousy it’s driving me up the wall thank you
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (23 June 2019):
 While I can fully understand and empathize that you do not feel like showing affection towards your partner, depriving him of affection as a "tit for tat" response to his lack of affection towards you is only making the situation worse. You are both adults and this is not an adult way to handle this, especially if you want to stay together. Hard as it is, leading by example would be a much more productive way of trying to handle this.
Have you met his parents? Have you seen them interact as a family? Are the family affectionate towards each other? If not, then I would suggest he has learned his behaviour from his family environment. If he is not used to people showing each other affection, it will feel uncomfortable to witness others doing it. This is not excusing his behaviour is any way, because it is obviously very wrong, but it might help to understand the reasons behind it, especially if he sees affection as a sexual thing (which is sounds like he very well might).
You need to consider the affect this will have - and is possibly already having - on your affectionate unspoiled innocent daughter. If he makes her feel that showing affection is wrong (or dirty or slutty), then she will start to believe it and it will affect her future relationships, not only with you but with friends and future partners. For her sake, as well as for your own, you need to get a grip of this and sort it out one way or another.
Sit him down when your daughter is not around and ask him why he comments the way he does. Perhaps he feels pushed out by your daughter (you would be surprised how many fathers do) and feels your relationship is suffering because you focus a disproportionate amount of time on your daughter. Your relationship needs to be nurtured as much as your child. You need to explain to him how unhappy you are and ask him if HE is happy - because he certainly doesn't SOUND happy. You need to listen to what he says; ridiculous or unreasonable as it may sound to YOU, it is how HE feels and that is what you need to work with. Equally he needs to listen to YOU and how he makes YOU feel. Most importantly, he needs to understand how this could impact your daughter's future.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2019): Talk about improper comments.You need to sit him down and have a talk with him.Maybe even couples consoling.Four year olds are like little parrots.At the worst time ever they repeat things they hear at home.Could you imagine being at church or school and your daughter tells the pastor..go and get a room.It happens.Your husband really needs to understand this.As for not showing you affection....maybe he was raised that way and to him it is normal.That is why I say couples consoling...If he does not go you go without him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2019): It sounds like there may be a few underlying problems. If you do not find to e to talk, it might flare up in to conflict. I would suggest a time when you can both have a talk, and schedule it in so he can prepare for it mentally. It might be that there are things he wants to get off his chest too. I would use the time to explain that you have been unhappy and that if you are unhappy, it's likely he is too and it might impact on your child. Give clear examples and explain how they made you feel. Ask open-ended questions, about how he feels about the examples you have used. This could help you both to understand what is going on with the other person. You might decide to have a monthly meeting - over dinner - to check-in. However, if he doesn't respond well, tell him this is crucial to the relationship and that you will give him some space to think things over and then try again. If he continues to bury his head in the sand, I would suggest couple's therapy. But also, get some therapy for yourself so you can be the best mother you can be and take legal advice - because if he won't meet you, there's a limit to how long you can keep up with this treatment.
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