A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm really torn and don't know what to do.Im married and with a husband. He's currently here on a working visa that expires in 2021. We started a process of him getting a green card, however, its already been a year and our case is still pending. Its been 5 years since he's seen his family and he constantly talks about how he'd do anything to see them.Me and him come from the same country, however, I've never went over there to visit. It never interested me and Ive adopted into the American lifestyle. However, since being with him made me realize and open my eyes that I'd love to know where I come from and where I grew up.I have a grandmother who is currently very old and my mom wants to see her before she passes, I've been given the opportunity to go with my mother and I took it.I leave in a month for only 3 weeks and I feel so extremely guilty for going.When my husband found out that our tickets have been booked he had such a sad look on his face and said he was jealous. Ever since my flights been booked he has just been very distant from me. I know he doesn't mean to hurt my feelings by acting that way he just can't hide the fact that he'd give anything to see his family.When I tell him that one day it'll be me and him going there he'd respond bt saying "yea right, who knows, this process is taking forever"What can I do to make this situation better? How do I make myself feel less guilty?please help me. I love him and I know he loves me, I don't believe this would break us up. I just don't know what to do..How do I ensure him that he will one day be able to go with him over there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2019): He's not a child, and he made the choice to come to America. He also has the choice to return home. He's trying to lay a guilt-trip on you; but he's a grown-man! Stop treating him like he's a little-boy. We make adult-choices, and we deal with the consequences.
Did he only marry you for a green card? Being mean and distant doesn't shine favorably on him! It shows weak character!
Your aging grandmother won't be around much longer; and you're going under an invitation from your mother. He'll get over it; and if he starts resenting you for it, maybe he was a bad choice for a husband. A good husband is understanding and supportive. He should only be sad, because he'll miss you; if he cares about you!
This is no frivolous venture! You can't deny your grandmother, nor yourself, this possibly final opportunity to see her! Just to keep him from pouting and being resentful. He's old enough to know better. Go, and enjoy yourself. If he wants to go home bad enough, he'll figure-out a way.
If he doesn't behave, and give you his blessing; he may be returning home for good if his work-visa expires! He may never get that green card! You should never shun others for the blessings they receive; it will only place a hold on your own blessings!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2019): I wonder did you even discuss going with your mom to your husband before you got the tickets? Did you just get them first?If you did it that way I can see how his feelings would be hurt.You think he would divorce you for going to see your dying grandma? Almost every post I read on here the problem would be solved if you just talk to each other.Sit him down look him in the eye and say honey I really need to have a talk with you it is very important.And then when he talks really listen. This is how you make a marriage work. If you can not even talk to him then you both need marriage consuling. You have to learn not to hold things in and just not guess what the other is thinking. Talk.
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