A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 4yrs. It hasn't always been easy, but it's been worth it. Thing is, his father is very controlling of him. He's now 22 and his father still controls everything he does. He's not allowed to come out with my family or even stay over at my house. It annoys me so much!He has tried to stand up to his dad, but it doesn't seem to work. It's ruining my happiness, and I'm starting to take it out on my boyfriend. I want my future with him, but cant see a resolution to this problem...Do you think I can be happy in the long run? Any suggestions on how to get freedom from his father? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for replying!
I agree that he needs to stand up and become independent, but at the minute it's not possible for him to move out - he's in his final year of university and simply couldnt afford to.
Ive talked to him about it alot, and he is making an effort to change, but at this moment in time it just seems like a never ending battle.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Apparently the solution is very simple. Your bf only needs to become self supporting and move out from the family home, then he can do whatever he wants. And since he is 22, the time is close when he'll have to do that anyway, he just needs to speed up this process as much as he can, and be patient in the meantime.
In practice, it's not so authomatic. There are some ethnic groups /cultures where patriarchal authority lasts forever , and it has become too interiorized to be challenged. I have an ex who is a very strong, self confident type ... yet when he went visit his family he could never wear anything sleeveless. Because he had got a tattoo without his father's permission, and Father would have freaked out. We are talking about a grown up man, not a boy.
Let's not even talk about important decisions like buying a house or getting married etc.- in some close knit, traditional environments/cultures, there 's no such thing like " it's my business" - EVERYTHING is the family's business too.
If you and your bf are in this type of situation, I would advise you... to be coward and throw the towel now. It's gonna be a lifetime battle, and one that can only be fought if you have really exceptional reserves of love, patience and devotion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): I believe if your boyfriend doesnt take a stand for his own life and what he wants, then if your not happy now you most likely will not be in the long run.
I had an ex whos parents were very controlling over him and i hated it. It caused fights and eventually (as well as other reasons) we drifted apart.
Have a talk to your guy about the situation ots probably the only thing you can do. Perhaps he needs to be less dependent on his father? If that has anything to do with the control. I can fully understand your frustration, it just depends if his willing to stand up for himself and your willing to wait, because his certainly old enough
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