A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my friend is always the centre of attention, and when she isn't she acts like someone has just knifed her. I can't ever get a word in edgeways, so i need tips on being more assertive.However, i was asked by the guy i like to prom and to my face she was like wow and behind my back she's telling my friends i'm abandoning them for him (i would have gone with them if i could afford the limo), she's also now start to talk to him and beg him for hugs, so he's getting pissed with her too. Please help me to become more forceful with her as i'm a sharp person, i don't want to hurt her.Oh and p.s., myy friends don't like her spitefulness, but they like her. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Zanie  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 In some ways, I feel bad for her. She needs to attention to assert her self esteem, but that doesnt mean you have to suffer for her shortcomings. The truth is hon, everyone talks about everyone behind each other's back. If you didnt talk shit about your friends, you would end up killing them. It's ok to let off steam as long as your friend comes clean and talks to you and settles the problem later. However, if someone is constantly, repeatitiously, maliciously talking behind your back, then they have other motives. She is attempting to rally your friends against you. She is a very insecure girl, and she had all your attention and now because your attention has turned towards your boyfriend, she feels it necessary to get it elsewhere. She needs to draw attention to herself by making you look bad.
As for your friends, well her spitefulness is her.... lol. Your actions and character make you who you are so your friends need to decide if her behavior is suitable of a friend. You need to consider that same notion.
I'm an ultra observant person. Watching others and learning behaviors benefits you in your life, and certainly helps gain perception in relationships. When I make a friend, or have a friend, I always observe how they act and how they treat everyone, and every situation. Even if it has nothing to do with me. The truth is, If they'll do it to someone else, they'll do it to you. So if she'll stab you in the back, she'll eventually stab your friends in the back too.
This is the deal. You need to take the reigns here. You need to tell her that you know what she has been saying and you dont appreciate it. Explain to her that you have every right to go to the prom however you want to. The truth is, your friends shouldnt care if you choose to go with this guy instead of them as long as you make an effort to chill with them during the night too. Your happiness should be your friend's number one care.
Confront her and tell her, that you have spoken with your other friends, and that she can continue to talk as much crap as she wants but she is only making herself look bad. Then decide, do you want to break off the friendship or not. If you want to keep it, then ask her why she wanted to say those things, and then discuss with her and come to a resolution. Forgive but dont forget! Tell her that you are willing to forgive her but you if this situation occurs again, you will cease to be friends with her.
A
female
reader, KaileyLove  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Sounds like my friend, Kristen.Yeah, personalities like that aren't the best to be around. But she, obviously, doesn't know how to behave appropriately.When she gets out of line and seems to steal the spotlight, don't try to compete. Just look at her and say, "Stop, seriously." Although, if she needs attention then it's probably because she lacks it at home, and she feels that no one else can give it to her. Maybe you should give her more attention?She's more than likely jealous that you were asked to prom. Perhaps she liked that guy? Especially if she's asking for hugs from him. But I think that you should, basically, keep her on a leash (not literally).My teacher had taught me that you can easily train a human as easy as a dog, without the trainee knowing about it, of course. I think that if she annoys you in any way, give her attitude, or just be sarcastic, just so that she gets the message that it's not O.K. with you. But whenever she's behaving well, be happy and really nice.If I'm correct, then most likely she'll realize your different behaviors to her actions and unknowingly seem to behave more.
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