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*sons
writes:I am the mom of 3 sons ages 18, 16 and 13. I just found out that my 16 yr old son got his 16 yr old girlfriend pregnant. We have been very open about sex and had MANY safe sex talks. I knew that he had a girlfriend but didn't know that they were sexually active. I want to be there for my son but I have such strong feelings of anger, disappointment and embarresment that I cannot even be in the same room as my son right now. I have no idea how we will tell our framily and friend that our 16 yr old is going to be a father. I feel so ashamed of him right now that I feel like slapping him silly. How could he be so irresposible and stupid? How do I get over the feelings I have and be there for my son. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Mom2goodboy  +, writes (24 March 2011):
We are dealing with this now. My son, (16), has a 15 year old girlfriend. He is devastated that her parents want to give the baby up for adoption. He is refusing to give up his rights. The girl's mom is divorced and hates men in general. She was the sponsor for the youth group at our church before this became common knowledge. She has now resigned. We are supporting his desire to be a responsible parent and take this baby if the momma wants to give her up or to be supportive if she decides to keep her and her own parental rights. We are facing possible statutory rape charges with possible 9 months of jail for my son. Even so, he refuses to give up rights to his daughter. He fully expects to marry his girlfriend when they are both 18 and able to make their own decisions.
I refuse to be ashamed. God did not create this situation but He WILL see us through it. I am scared, worried, and determined. God is in control of our lives and though the storm we face is terrifying, the baby will have ALL our love and we will find a way to provide everything she needs and strive to help her mother in any way we can. That's all we can do. Please pray for all of us. It won't be easy!
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female
reader, jessN35 +, writes (6 October 2010):
i just want to say that i totally understand how you feel i am 35 a mother of 3 a girl(17) and two boys ages 16 & 12. we recently just found out that my 16 year old got his 17 year old girl friend pregnant. I completely feel that same way as you.. but in my situation my son and his girlfriend are happy about this.. i always talked openly to my children about safe sex and sex in general being a young mother myself i have been through this .. at this point i have accepted that there is nothing we can do about it now. Im at the point where i feel like i shouldnt be even a little excited about a new baby.. anybody with some advice please HELP!!!
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reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 February 2010):
 Right or wrong , he is your son . Be there for him and give him all the help and support and solve all his woes because he is too young to understand his actions.
Don't throw him to the dogs or wolves.
If you want to blame , then only blame yourself because you did not watch over him carefully.
Do not be judgmental .Accept the reality and move on . It is a mistake and seek the best solution so that everyone can be happy.
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reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 Ah mum, I've calmed down now, because it's not my son. I was feeling so angry on your behalf before, cause I can understand how hard you tried.
Reading the posts from the younger aunts and uncles on this board got through to me, and hopefully it'll get through to you as well. I forgot, they are 16 year old children, and when they make mistakes, they get all frightened, and just want mum to step in and take all the pain away. Thank you Mr anonymous male for sharing your story with us all, that helped put things into perspective.
Your son must be absolutely terrified, not only did he mess up, but he's put you and his girlfriend under stress. He also has a baby to consider. He must be feeling so guilty, scared and overwhelmed. A couple of weeks ago, he had no responsibilities, now he's got tons, and he can only blame himself. That's not a nice position for anyone to be in. As you say, he's your baby and you want to support him. Remember that, he's not full grown and sensible yet. He still messes up a lot, he still gets things wrong and needs your advice. He probably needs your help to clean up this mess, just like you cleaned up all the other messes that he makes. You can imagine how scared he must be feeling, you were young once, you made mistakes, things you did that you wanted to take back. Remember what it's like to be young and wrong, hopefully this will take the edge out of some of the reasonable anger you have.
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reader, vamp-gal +, writes (7 February 2010):
 Your son obviously didn't mean to get his girlfriend pregnant. Have you spoken to him? He may have been using contraception, in which case he was being responsible, but contraception isn't 100%.
The only way for it to be 100% is not to have sex at all, which is pretty rare for teenagers (of course not all are sexualiy active, but most of the teenage population are) - so it shouldn't be a complete shock that your son could have been part of that.
You say you feel ashamed and embarrased, but think about how your son feels. You can't even be in the same room as him, how does that make him feel?
He probably feels as if he has let you down, which he might have. However, if your sons girlfriend decides to keep the baby, he will be a father.
He needs your support, now more than ever. If he wants to support his child then he will need his own families support. Right now he doesn't need all the disapointment, he's probably beating himself up as it is.
There is no easy route to get over what you're feeling, it may go in time. However, right now your son needs you
Find out if he used contraception and what he and his girlfriend have decided to do, if they have made any decisions and go from there. Take it one step at a time.
Good Luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): I got my girlfriend pregnant at a point in our relationship at the time she was 14 nearly 15 her family were and still are extremerly christian her dad being a vicor made things extremerly hard when she first found out she went to her best friends mum because she knew she wouldn't judge her she managed to get her to tell me and my parents my parents werenshocked because they were not aware that we were even having sex but my mum told her whatever happens with her parents and whatever she desires to do with the baby she will be there for her she was extremerly grateful. When she told her parents they disowned her and kicked her out of there house and told her she was a dissapointment to her family she then went on to live with her sister But then disided to live with us she disided she couldn't deal with a baby so she terminated it her parents bcame even more dissapointed with her but she said what my mum said to her was the most supportive thing she had and was extremerly gratfull to this day well I guess what I'm saying is be there for him and his girlfriend and I can relate to what your son is going throw and just be there for them like my mum was I may be 16 butt he needs you
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reader, Miamine +, writes (7 February 2010):
Don't get over them feelings, they are proper and natural. You did your job, you were open with him about sex and told him how to protect himself and his girlfriend. He was stupid, he was irresponsible, you have every damn right to be angry, disappointed and on the verge of violence.
Same as when I put stupid answers down on my exam paper. Drove my teacher crazy enough to slap me in the head. It's a human emotion for disappointment when we expect the person we are guiding to be able to do better.
Don't keep your anger in, he's not carrying the baby, so it won't hurt him. You'll calm down soon enough, and be able to sit down with him, the girlfriend and her parents to make suitable plans about how you all will go on to deal with this.
Your a good mother, I would have hit him. A slap is nothing compared to a lifetime of raising children in poverty. And it's not all his fault, the girl is just as stupid and idiotic too, and it's definitely not appropriate to take your anger out on her or the baby.
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reader, jc82 +, writes (7 February 2010):
 Maybe it would help to remember that your son is not doing this TO you. You were probably the farthest thing from his mind while this was happening (as well you should be). He wasn't trying to hurt you or defy you, he was just making fairly common-place teenage mistake. One that has everything to do with him, and the rest of his life, and not that much to do with you. You can be as involved or uninvolved as you choose to be. But, since you are so angry, I can also assume you are a caring parent, and I'm sure you will eventually want to be involved in this new child's life.
Foreseeing that one day you will probably want to hug and kiss your grandchild, you should gracefully accept this event, with humility and love, and get back on civil terms with your son. People usually come out of situations like this stronger, and better. Just try to aim for those kinds of results. Best of luck.
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reader, Angzw  +, writes (7 February 2010):
You need to ensure that your son takes full responsibility for his actions. He needs to step up and do the right thing. This is one of those situations calling for an objective counselor to talk him and his girlfriend through their options. Try phone 1800 230 PLAN and ask them how to deal with this. I remember my brother did this and although the girl ended up getting a termination, it was a huge shock to him and he went from aimlessly wandering the streets and failing his high school exams 4 times, to now where he has an MBA and now engaged to a lawyer. The ex girlfriend is now happily married with 2 children. Unfortunately it took this traumatic event to wake them up but really, we can only offer our children the best guidance we can but at the end of the day we don't have total control.
Perhaps also tell him he needs to start working to provide for his child if they decide to keep it because if you do it all for him then there is no lesson learnt. I hope things work out for you all.
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reader, ReturningtheFavor +, writes (7 February 2010):
First off I want to say CONGRATULATIONS on getting read you have your first grandchild. I know your not excited but read this and see if it helps. Please do not be ashamed of this,I know its far from an ideal situation but your son and his gf are really going to need an adult to guide them through this difficult time. They need your wisdom and support to get through this as painlessly as possible. Being a mother of three you know the difficulties tha come with having children. I have dated a woman for nearly 10 years and her 16yr old sister became pregnant. SHe thought it was the end of the world for her sister and cried every nite for months about it. But ya know everything is fine. Her baby just got past its 1 year birthday and she is a fantastic mother. It really changed her life for the better at this point. She was a bit unfocused educationally and not really responsible in her personal but once the baby came her life changed. She is enrolled in her first semester of college and i couldnt be more proud of her!!!
Now i know that you are ashamed but dont be. Boys, men we think about sex all the time,probably going all the way back to late elementary school and middle school. we are just wired to be procreators. Your friends and family might not know how to act or what to think at first, but realize the joy that your first grandchild is going to bring you!!! You are obviously a great mother raising three sons, and just think a grandbaby on the way. What is more precious than a beautiful little baby, from one of your own babies. People will understand maybe not at first, but when they see how much strenght love and support you have provided for your child and how well he has stepped up to the plate as a father to his baby they will be proud. Time heals all wounds. Just think in 5 or 6 months you can start planning a baby shower and buying little baby onesies, toys, adorable little socks, and everything that you derived pleasure from when your sons were babies. Although you cannot see it now, these things happen for a reason, just make the best of it and enjoy the wonderful gift of having a grandchild on the way!!!
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