A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should women make the first move?There is a guy I really like a lot. We are good friends, but I would love to have a deeper relationship with him. We are both shy, and although we flirt etc, nothing has ever happened. We are both single, and have talked in the past about how we just click together, but he wont make the first move, even though to me, everything he says and does suggests he likes me more than just friends?Should I ask him out? Is it ok for women to make the first move, without seeming like a tart? And what if he rejects me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 If the woman wants something to happen that ain't happening for some reason, then yes.
You got two options:
1. Wait for something to happen that might never happen.
2. Make your own move and get your answer.
Sure, rejection is an option but at least you would know.
And tart isn't a woman who makes the first move but a woman who says yes to every guy, except to the guys who call her a tart.
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 I made the first move on the last 3 guys I have been with ... so that spans 20 years - mostly in relationships - and never was thought of as a tart. (hardly raking up numbers there)
I just trust my instincts in that dept and took the chance, ...but still, it was blooming scary to bite the bullet and just do it, ..even with my current man, ... and I knew for a fact that he had a crush on me for 4 years and still shit myself!!!
But hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained, and all were stoked that I did coz they were wanting to but procrastinating themselvces, ..so yeah, if your instincts tell you they like you, I doubt you will go wrong.
BTW - My current guy has admitted he would have quite likely never made the firat move out of his own fear of rejection, and wow, what a love that would have been missed out on if I had not have done it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): Nothing wrong with a girl making the first move. Some guys are just hopeless at doing it. A female friend of mine got her new bf (whom she adores) by making the first move herself and the relationship is progressing very well. Truth is NO ONE is ever fully comfortable making the first move, male of female, so just swallow your misbegotten pride and do it!
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A
female
reader, jc82  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 It IS ok to make the first move, if you think can handle getting a less than desirable answer. In lieu of "making a move" though, perhaps you can do something more subtle. When you are talking or joking, touch his shoulder a little too long. Ask him to help you with something (even if you don't necessarily need the help). Gauge his reaction to whatever kinds of increased flirting you do. This way, you might be able to gain confidence (and he might too!). Good luck, hope things work out.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (7 February 2010):
 Hi there,
My first impression reading through your text is that you are not comfortable making the first move. I wouldnt encourage you to do that if that is the case.
Give him time and if there is anything there he would let you know soon enough
Sincerely wishing you the best!
Kelly
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