A
male
age
41-50,
*om9
writes:Hi guys. I am seeing a girl for like 4 months. She is younger than me but we are very well connected and enjoy our company very much. Lately she has been going through some troubles at her home and with friends and she moved to live alone recently as well. She broke up with her ex just before we started to date. She is sad at times thinking abt all her problems and its good that she talks to me abt them. But she says things like "i like to take care of my man, but u seem so well formed that u don't need to be taken care of ". I told her that she was not right on this and that I wanted her to be part of my life and needed her to be happy at all times (else why would i call her, go out, cook dinners etc). Its hard for me to deal with her and I dont know at times what exactly is the root of the problem. How do i deal with her ? Thx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (21 November 2011):
 Let her take care of you then. Tell her she is free to do whatever makes her happy in regards to looking after you. She has deep root problems here about feeling needed and appreciated in a relationship. Take things slow and allow her to keep talking. Be careful because if she just got out of one relationship she might not be ready for another one just quite yet. Obviously she is upset about her life at the moment. My guess is she cannot find her purpose in life or what she should be doing to contribute to the world. It is good that she has the independence at the moment, it is also good that she is opening up to you. Keep allowing her to open up and ask her any questions that confuse you, to show her that you care. She is just looking for her purpose in life and trying to find out who she is, this can take time, especially with so many changes in her life lately, she might just feel a bit lost as to who she is.
A
female
reader, mammaboo  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 The answer is you don,t deal with her. You allow her to keep talking to you and let her get this out of her system. She has issues with being needed.Its not your fault if you are self sufficient. While she has a place of her own she will become as independant as you and if she falls on common ground with you, she will invite you round for meals, she will listen to your problems. Then you can let her know how much you appreciate her. Send her flowers maybe!
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