A
female
age
36-40,
*iya
writes:hi im going through a lot of depression.of late my boyfriend is just acting very weird with me.hes always to rude and harsh with me i love him to death and i cant just live without him.im helpless.what do i do i have done everything from my end to be good to him.im fed up.he abuses me,yells all the time and he only tells me one thing he is stressed.ive been hearing this since 2 years Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): Have you considered the possibility that you are feeling depressed because of how your boyfriend is treating you? Even if there is more to your unhappy feelings than that, he certainly will not be helping.
You CAN live without him. In fact, although it may seem impossible now, your life will be much, much better without him. You say that he is abusive to you. And it sounds like he doesn't really care about your feelings at all. So why are you staying with him? Because you feel you need him? That you can't live without him?
Why do you need him? What does he do to help you, to make you feel good? From what I have read, not much! Quite the opposite in fact! It can become a cycle though, of relying on a certain person, whether they are good to you or not. But this relationship sounds very worrying, and if he is being abusive to you, you should get out as soon as possible.
Do you have friends or family you could turn to for help? I know it may feel like all you have is this guy, but really, is there anybody who could help you? Perhaps the idea of walking away from him is scary, but if you stay in this situation, what is going to change? How is it going to improve? I don't think it will. You will just feel worse and worse.
So why not try taking a brave step into the unknown, and stand up for yourself by leaving this relationship? You are not helpless, and you can live without him. But if you keep telling yourself negative things, it will make it harder, and you will believe them. So tell yourself you CAN do it, you can be strong, you can cope with this. The first step will be getting out of this abusive relationship. Then, you will be in a better position to heal, to recover, and to move forward with your life. You might even surprise yourself at how strong you really can be.
Please do try and take care of yourself, and stay strong. Good luck. x
A
male
reader, foz88  +, writes (2 March 2010):
from what i know (being male) men act like that with guilt. Id get gone if i was you. Everyone can move on and forget people but its not easy. Get rid.
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A
female
reader, Marlene02  +, writes (2 March 2010):
Let me tell you that you do not need to allow that behavior from him. Dont wait for him to change you need to change and get out of the relationship. Theres going to be someone out there for you that treats you better and cares for you. Good luck
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A
female
reader, BagLady +, writes (2 March 2010):
1) Read: Don't be That Girl-it's a book that actually helps instead of preaching.
2)You need to set your boundaries. example-" I don't like it when you talk to me that way, it devalues me, makes me feel insecure,__insert feeling___. I can't stop you from talking to me that way, but I can stop being here to listen to it. When you can talk to me without being verbally abusive-then i will be here to listen."
But you need to actually follow up on it. Everyone almost always says DUMP HIM, but the fact is-as abuse works-you are also to blame. Most people in abusive relationships are abusive themselves or enablers that allow the other to walk all over them.
3) You don't NEED him-you need a companion...in fact you can LIVE without him...you have been doing it sometime before you met. You place all the value you should have in yourself onto someone else. You are not a babe who needs to suckle upon his teet to survive. The book I recommended helped me find what I wanted in a man-not try to get what I wanted from a man I have designated to have what I should need.
4) You both have to make a commitment to bettering yourselves and actually go through with it. If you are with a screwed up guy it's because you are as screwed up yourself. If you want a happy ending both of you have to journey together toward this same goal.
5)If he is physically violent-GET AWAY FROM THAT RELATIONSHIP-you won't be any good battered or dead in any relationship.
6) Test it out the possibility of whether you 2 can make it-Let him read your question and the responses. Does he defend himself? Does he become more angry? Will he belittle you for going to a site like this to find information to better your life? Does he help make a solution? Does he hold himself accountable for the things he has done regardless of your actions? now ask yourself the same.
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