A
male
age
36-40,
*an84
writes:I hope someone can advise what to do for the best. I`ve just recently found out a younger female cousin of mine has got a very big crush on me and its left me stunned. She was having a meal with my mum and two of my aunties (one of them is her mum) and she`d had a few drinks and she blurted out that she really liked me and wanted to be with me. My mum and my aunty assumed it was just the drink talking but the morning after when she was sober, my cousin said it again. She was really close to me when she was young and then from 2000 to 2005 I didn`t see her at all and when I saw her again she had grown up and turned into a stunner. Everytime I see her she always goes very quiet and hardly says a word to me and just keeps making eye contact all the time. I too have a little crush on her but I keep trying to turn it off because shes my cousin. Should I keep quiet when I see her again or let her know what i`ve been told and should I tell her how I feel? I`m 24 and shes 18 and shes the most beautiful creature I ever laid eyes on.
View related questions:
cousin, crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Listen its not wrong! I have had a crush on my younger cousin for 20 years and I know she feels the same way 20 years later. Guess what? We are still as close. We had our kids already with other people, so screw the people who think this is wrong! You know that we are not reproducing now! We are 40 years old! What's left in life? 25 more years and then I retire? I don't give 2 craps what they think and neither should you! If you connect to your cousin go for it! You'll be happy! Forget everyone else. It's your life together. Be happy![Edited by moderator to add missing punctuation and make it readable]
A
female
reader, dolla18 +, writes (25 June 2008):
 hi,
being with your cousin is no great shame, an is legal in the UK aswell. The very reason i know this is that im in a relationship with my 1st cousin, so all this i have done plenty of research on in the past.
why shouldnt you be happy if you both feel the same for each other, family will get used to it in the end? you also dont need to tell anyone till you are both ready to face ppl, then you face family together. keeping quite for the moment will give you both the time you need together with out being judged by ignorant ppl who know nout(belive me i no).
a relationship with your cousin can work really well.....let us all know how you get on an what you decide to do.....i wish you an your cousin all the luck in the world.....god bless you both xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): She loves you, you know it, she knows it, her parents know it, there is no secret. Don't leave her hoping and wishing, tell her your decision so she can go on with her life without you, knowing for sure that no matter happens she has no chance with you. It may hurt her and she may be angry and sad, but better you tell her than she continue to love you and wait for you.
I think your wrong, and your giving up a lot of potential happiness, and making a beautiful creature very, very sad, but she's not in love with me, and it's your life. Take care of you, good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, ian84 +, writes (23 June 2008):
ian84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i`ve made a decision & i`ve decided that dating her would be too weird & it would cause too much shit with the family, but i`m sick of seeing her get her heart broken by guys who don`t know how to treat her right. If she was mine, I would treat her right, but it will never happen. I`d rather keep what I already have with her, instead of me & her not getting on at all. And when I mentioned about what she looks like, she looks like the actress Verity Rushworth who plays Donna Dingle in Emmerdale Farm.
So thanks Guys & Gals for your replies, this really is a great site. I`ve only got one more question & that is should I try talking to her about it or should I say nothing at all?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): I understand your feelings about cousins being taboo, but I would remind you that it is not illegal for cousins in the UK to have a relationship or to get married. You must do as you feel, but as you have the support of her parents, and there is nothing legally wrong. There seems to be nothing stopping you from having a closer relationship except for these values and beliefs that you hold strong.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): I don't understand something. If she is a such a stunner, is the most beautful woman you have ever seen, and she has a crush on you and wants to be with you, how can you NOT want to hump her brains out????
If I were you, I wouldn't be looking a gift horse in the mouth. A woman wants to be with you, and she's a knockout, and you're going to turn her down???? So what if she's your cousin? I think you should go with the flow, give her what she wants, and live in the moment and enjoy the experience. Just because you start something with each other doesn't mean that you're both going to end up together.
...............................
A
male
reader, ian84 +, writes (22 June 2008):
ian84 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, what can I say, thanks to everyone thats answered & given me their thoughts on the matter. Her mum & dad have sat her down & talked to her about it & they`ve both said that they will be ok if something does happen between us, but i`ve made it clear to her mum that i`m totally against something happening because it`s taboo & I think two family members should not date each other, i`ve been brought up with very old fashioned ways.
What I didn`t mention is that I turned upto her 18th birthday party with a girl i`d just started seeing & my cousin also had a boyfriend at the time. She was very quiet the whole time & when my gf started getting close, I could see she couldn`t stand it. Two days later she dumped her bf & then 2 weeks later she let her feelings known. I really want to get her alone & talk to her about it all, but i`m afraid if I mention it to her as it might screw up the special bond that we still have. I`d rather try & get on with her as a cousin, than hump her brains out! I`ve even thought about giving her my mobile no. so she can tell me everything in a text, if she can`t tell me to my face.
Ta everyone from one very sensitive gentleman.
...............................
A
female
reader, bday121  +, writes (22 June 2008):
 Well, first of all, I think your age differences would make a problem here. I can't imagine an 18 year old and a 24 year old having that much in common. There's a TON of maturity that happens within those 6 years. I mean, she's just starting her adult life. She's just starting the whole wild-partying-dating thing while you're probably growing out of it. You've done a lot more living than she has, and I can see that causing problems. I'm speaking from experience here. Maybe you two won't have that problem, but I think you should at least consider it, ESPECIALLY if you're looking for a serious relationship.
Many people see cousins dating as taboo. The latest research that I've heard says that cousins reproducing doesn't really have any detrimental affect on their children. Still, many people don't know this so you'll probably face quite an opposition. Just something to be prepared for.
Another thing to remember: This girl is part of your family. No matter what, no matter how this relationship works out, you're connected for LIFE. What if the relationhsip ends badly? What if you two end up hating each other? Well, there'd be no escaping the awkwardness, because you're related! I know I'd rather die then run into my ex, and many others feel the same way. Just keep that in mind, because if this relationhship turns sour, you can't just write her out of your life! You'll still attend the family parties and reunions and what-not, so you'll always have those awkward little run-ins. That could really get weird when you get married or get a new girlfriend, because this cousin of yours and her will have to meet, and how will that go? You new girlfriend will find out that you dated/slept with your cousin, and how will she feel about that? How will your cousin feel about your new girlfriends if she's not "over" you yet? I see a plethora of potential problems here.
Also, think about how the rest of your family will feel about this. You and your cousin could cause quite a little family uproar. I mean, maybe they'll be ok with it, but you're cousin's parents could get angry, or your own parents, or grandparents, etc. And even if they don't get angry about it, per se, they'll still most likely have some reservations since dating your own cousin is so taboo. Just realize that this decision could cause some embarrassing rifts within the family.
I think if you're looking for a serious relationship with your cousin, you're going to have a hard time. Society's prejudice and your age differences will make it very hard, not to mention all the family problems this could cause. If you're looking for a little fling, that'll be easier. If you two can keep it secret, and keep emotions out of it, then I say go for it. If the rest of the fam doesn't find out, they can't get angry!
But I really feel that I should stress that this could cause A LOT of awkwardness down the road. Just keep in mind that your future girlfriends probably won't like this very much. And you'll always have a family connection to your cousin, and you'll always have her in your life, so just be prepared to handle everything very maturely. Be sure that you're ready to deal with any negative emotions, embarrassment, and awkwardness that might result.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): not healthy. try dating someone in your own age-range. she's young. live your life and see what happens later in life. if you two are feeling exactly how you do now... much later in the future... then, see what happens. not now though. not now.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): You are both of age. Give it a try. But remember, family and friends my find the relationship taboo. Love is love. I pray all things work out for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): Dude, you are both of age. I personally feel that there is nothing morally, or ethnically wrong with this relationship. Give it a try. But you must keep in mind that family, and others may find it taboo. Good Luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): well if u feel the same about her then i think u should go ahead!!!y hide feelings and play games..u both are grown ups now..so just make a move!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): well, you need to ask your self what will be the consequences of your action:
will you harm your relationship with your family or relatives,
Also, now that she is older, she probably doesn't have the same feelings, so you need to find out for sure,
ultimately, I am against it, because if you end up marrying your cousin you will reduce the gene pool of your children which will result in genetic desiese.
good luck!
...............................
|
