A
female
age
41-50,
*ixieGwen
writes:I'm not sure how to treat my ex.I broke up with him because he stopped spending time with me. When we met he was working, had a car and a motorcycle, house etc.. and 4 months later he got suspended with pay(though he lost his job), then had to sell his truck because it was having issues and then he started FT school. He started complaining hes fat,unnattractive, always tired and us getting together was hard because he'd make plans but break em cos hes tired or not feeling well but once we'd actually get together hed be super happy. I told him he has to make himself happy, i cant do it for him. I broke up with him cos i didnt know what to do, and i regretted after - i still see him ocassionally.. but recently his life took a 180 - he got his job back - so now hes workin ft and going to school ft, he bought a truck.. This all happened within a week. He seems sooo happy but ive seen him once within this wk and a half.He used to stop by on his lunch hour when he worked graveyard..and they put him back on days for now until the end of this month.. and so aside from working and going to school ft.. hes canceled plans with me 2x because hes fallen asleep in the breakroom/was too tired to come over for dinner.so my question is.. im hoping itll go back to how it used to be when he was originally working, once he starts his new schedule later this month.How do i become more supportive or deal with him being soo busy? he claims he'll see me more and that us not seeing/talking to each other..will definitely change.I'm a student too but i do all my classes online and im going to be doing alot of more schooling, plus i do physical therapy etc..so im not just sitting here..and i told him i dont mean to get frustrated with him.. i love that hes happy and that things are working out for him.. and my frustration is only because i miss him..which is exactly what i told him..
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Maybe he does need time? Maybe you're reading too much in to some of his actions and making them into bigger problems, but maybe not. You need to decide what's right for you. I would suggest that you listen to him though. Give him a little time and space, and take some for yourself. Maybe in a week or so you two will have figured out your individual needs enough to solve it.
A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (4 April 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question i had asked him the other day if we were together.. and he said i dunno.. and i said why dont you know? i told him i thought we'd be together, seeing you started working again. and hes all i just started working. i said well seeing you dont want to be with me - i wont call you anymore and i guess ill see other guys. and he said i never said that.. and i said well if i told you "i dunno" about us being together wouldnt u think thats a no? he said "no, i just think that we would be together at some point". he says hes not seeing anyone else, that he still loves me and never gave me a reason why we shouldnt b together. the main reason he gave me was that hes not sure how much time he can devote to me. (thats y i broke up with him in the first place, cos we hardly spent time together n the last few months of our relationship) and he later threw it in my face that i broke up with him. Also, i told him if he really wanted us to work..he would make time. That any busy person even if theyre working and going to school full time would make time for their bf or gf. he hardly had anything to say the whole time i talked to him.when i said id date other guys..he got kinda pissy and said "FINE then!" and then later said come here..n hugged me..and kissed me. when i was leaving he tells me "just give me some time to think about it" im not sure what theres to think about.. but ohwell.. i guess. he kept reminding me that his schedule changes at the end of this month..he starts working the graveyard shift, (same shift he worked when we met and we saw each other alot at that time). I told him that he'll still be goin to school n working ft.. so i dont see how he'll have more time for me then.. - so i dunno whats gonna happen now with him. :(
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (3 April 2011):
My mom is the same wya about my relationship and I understand how you feel.
What I've ended up doing is instead of allowing little doubts and fears to fester in my brain, I just go right up to him and tell him about them. I'll tell him what my mom has said and what my worries are about the two of us using words like "sometimes I feel like..." and we talk about it. Because he really does care, talking to him stops all the doubts as well as shedding light on little things he does that he doesn't realize are hurting me.
Try doing this with your boyfriend. It will either make your relationship incredibly strong or it will reveal that it's time to move on.
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A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (3 April 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto be honest i dunno if we're together. We had this discussion awhile back where he said he wants to be with me but he might have to move and so we didnt get back together. but then he got his job back = not moving. but i need to hear that we're together, not assume. We prob are together, seeing he doesnt want me to be with others. It's hard for me.. i try not to take things personal..but like today i needed his opinion about something important/left him a voicemail 5-6hrs ago and havent heard anything.. i dunno if hes working or what hes doin today.. but i got help with my problem.. so i sent him a txt sayin "nm my voicemail, other people helped me with my problem."i start thinkin things like.. hes prob doin whatever, saw i called and doesnt care to call me back. i know i shouldnt think this way.. but its hard for me. i guess along with him canceling on our plans here n there.. i start to think stuff like that. I start to think he doesnt care. I'm usually positive but my mom is super negative and its hard for me not to talk to her bout my relationship etc. so..her opinions make me think more like her.I keep thinking..if he didnt care, why would he tell me right away that he got his job back, or that he bought a car? etc. I'm going to try to make lil gestures.. but its hard to get him to agree to things.. its like when hes tired/sick.. he doesnt allow me to come over n do lil things with him or for him.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (3 April 2011):
I take it you two got back together? Cangrats :)Maybe ride this out for a little while? If he is important to you, you guys can work through a little time apart until your schedules stabalize. Maybe when he cancels to come over for dinner, grab some take out and a movie and head over there for a nice, calm evening over at his place. Then, even if you are falling asleep on each other, you're still spending time together. Best of Luck
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