A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this great guy for about a year. He treats me perfectly, is fully trusting and trustworthy, appreciates my honesty (I'm a bit too honest for most people, so this is a big deal), does nice things for me constantly and we never fight. I don't understand why, but I just don't feel like I've fallen in love with him. He's a definite catch and I am scared of losing him. I have been in long term relationships in the past (that obviously didn't end up working out) and feel like I had feelings for others that I just dismissed to be faithful to my current boyfriend. Now I can only look back and wonder what could have been. I do not want to lose this guy because I really enjoy being with him, but at the same time I don't want to settle. I want to get married someday, but I am not married yet, so I feel like I should explore now before things get too comfortable and I never leave. We never have declared that we are boyfriend and girlfriend, and neither of us has said "I love you" to eachother. We never talk about getting married or a future life together. That being said, I know he would be very hurt if I told him I wanted to see other people too because I think this is the most serious relationship he's ever been in. Is there any way that I could explain it to him so he can understand? Or do I have to decide to stay completely or go completely? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): I am in a similiar situation with someone i love but she could not take the distance but still loves me so much. To make sure this guy is the one you have to date other people. It may not be what he wants to hear but if you love each other enough you will end up together and there will be no what if this or that.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): You should let him go. You're not being fair to him. Let him find a girl that's more deserving, because you're not ready and are still looking for Mr. Right.
You never know, maybe you'll find each other and be together again one day.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dani28  +, writes (9 January 2009):
I would be concerned that you havent exchanged any 'i love u's' after this time. Maybe he senses ur totally happy? maybe he is cared of getting hurt? i think the bottom line here is that if u r having doubts now u probably always will. I would take that as a sign. This guy seems perfect though. im surprised he's not what u want. Think carefully. You need to have a very serious chat. tc xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Do you think your feelings are fair on him? Angel if he is such a great guy but you are not seeing the sparks you might be better of with someone else, you cant start a relationship with this man, if you still have what ifs haunting you, and it almost sounds as if you know what to do already. If you feel like this and stay with him you will only hurt him much more would it be right to keep him in a loveless relationship don’t hurt both of you.
He sounds like a real gent, gut him lose and give him the opportunity of finding a girl he can give his love and hart to and will get all that and more in return, don’t you think he deserves that chance?
Good luck with this one I know it can be tough, but what might just bruise his ego now, or give him a couple of sleepless nights could destroy both of you in the future.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): I'd say that if you've never discussed being boyfriend/girlfriend or told each other that you love each other after a year, then that's a conversation you need to have real soon. How it reads to me is a FWB scenario. If this is what it is, you should be free to meet other people - as should he - while continuing to 'date' each other. That way, you wouldn't lose touch for the short term. However, once one of you did fall in love with someone else, your current scenario would probably stop abruptly. If there is no 'love' after a year, then I can't see that there will be a change going forward. You have both formed some sort of attachment to each other that isn't quite hitting the mark in the love stakes. You really need to clear this up as you could both be denying yourselves what a love should be - you should definitely have fallen in love by now, both of you. Talk this through soonest with him, the current situation seems to be wasting time, and conciously or unconciously, you may both probably filliing in time until Mr or Mrs Right pops their head up and ignite that spark in you. If you do decide to split, it would be a short term low but in the long run, you would be free to really fall in love with someone else. I know it doesn't seem like there are other fish in the sea when you are wrapped up in someone, but there really are other fish in the sea - go and get your snorkel on!!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, Aech135 +, writes (9 January 2009):
 If it was me it would be a stay completely or go situation but i don't know his views on open relationships. You seem to believe that he wouldn't like which to me sounds like you answered your own question. Your only other option is cheating on him which is not fair to him and wrong to begin with. If you really want to know though then you'll have to sit down and explain how you feel about it with him and see what he says.good luck.
...............................
|
