A
female
age
41-50,
*ixieGwen
writes:I'm writing because I want to learn how to cope with the fact that my bf and I hardly see each other. We used to see each other frequently (he used to work the night shift 6pm-6am) and they recently changed his sched. to 6am-6pm. He's a night owl like me, so he's hating it and having trouble adjusting (going on his 2nd wk of day shift).When he worked the night shift - He'd call 2x a day, email from work alot, he'd visit on his lunch breaks frequently, after work - id sleep over and the following day we'd get food/hang for a bit and then he'd go to work and we'd hang n watch movies/chill on his days off, Now im lucky if i get to see him once a wk. (he still calls daily..but no more emails and so far ive only seen him once on his lunch break and thats bout it. Talking daily is great but I miss his face.. I miss sleeping next to him.He told me the day before he started his new schedule..that we'd see more of each other, that it'd get better (cos i told him that i didnt think we'd see each other that much..once this started) but he said that it def. would get better. On top of that, him and I hardly have sex.. and hes always too tired or upset/stressed out cos of work and isnt n the mood.He claims it has nothing to do with me.. its stress from work and being tired.I've never been the one to call him, ask to hang - it's always him and when he calls he still seems super happy to talk to me and he constantly talks about a future with me but theres soo much crap going on with work that i feel hes allowing it to effect our relationship. NOW he's saying he may lose his job.. and before that it was the shift change and before that he had to sell his truck because it was falling apart etc(he still has transportation..so hes not completely SOL). All this crap thats going on is something he cant help or fix and I wish he would just try to relax, do things to make himself happy and also spend time with me..but he'd rather sulk, be upset and sleep. Im guessing its depression but i feel soo hopeless cos i dont think theres anything i can do to get him out of it. I'm trying to be positive because i honestly cant see my life with out him and I love being with him but its hard and i feel bad for what hes goin thru..Sorry for the rant.. do you have any suggestions how i can help him get out of his funk and also a way for me to cope with the fact we hardly see each other. I try to keep myself busy but it still frustrates me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (3 December 2010):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question I think his boss and few others at the job are assholes.. so its makin it difficult.Im not even sure if he's thought bout getting another job & I never thought bout it cos well..hes also in the military (he works at a naval hospital mainly)& he gets paid well - it just seems to be one issue at work.I told him that I like him no matter what, i understand he has alot of crap goin on & I dont want him to shut me out..that we should be super open with one another (he avoids showing me how he gets when hes angry..so he shuts me out).I also gave him the option to break up with me..if he didnt want this & he said that he wants to be with me, (also, anytime I tell him ill give him space to do his thing/get back to me when hes free - he says "no!.. i dont want u to do that")
but at the same time he pushes me away and cant see hes doin that, he denies it.The other night i wanted to see him & jokingly said that i wanted to see him before i forget what he looks like..he said he was sleepy & seemed like he didnt want me to come over.So I gave up & shortly after he was like ok come over.So I went over & after we had a mini talk (this is when i said be open w/ one another/dont shut me out)he seemed super happy to have me there.Its weird cause he seemed soo tired/down & pouty over the phone but in person he was lively.. & joked around.He told me how cute/awesome I am & practically squeezed me to death & we had a good time & he even initiated sex (when hes stressed/upset..he not in the mood for sex)..
& today (few days later) hes back to being grumpy gus.When im there hes happy but apart.. its hard for me to even get an opportunity to talk to him/hes brief & moody & super sulky.Fuck this is hard.I hope his job prob smoothes out eventually..cos when hes stressed/upset - im upset/stressed & I just want him to happy & I want us to work out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Depression does that. If you check the symptoms (or Beck's Depression Inventory) then you will see there's a lot in common with his situation.
It's great that you still want to help him instead of leaving him, and he should appreciate that.
Are you helping him look for a more convenient job? It looks like this one is only going to get worse, so he'd better start thinking of quitting.
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