A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I need some advice on how to deal with a situation. Firstly I am 23 and do not intend to act on my feelings. So I have fallen for a guy I work with. He seems a lovely, genuine guy and I very much enjoy working with him. To paint a picture of me I am quite a flirtatious person, not in your face but subtle with the ways I say things etc... however I flirt with my best friend - it's just the way I am. I know this guy probably hasn't fallen for me but is at least attracted to me. He tells me often how good I look or how pretty I look that day etc... there is also flirtatious comments between us as well as looks (you know where I am going with this). We often share a hug when the day isn't always going our way. I have noticed over the past few weeks how close we are getting and that if we were both single it would be fine...Well... I am single he however is not and that has never been a secret. I have no intention of asking how I can get this guy. I am a firm believer that when someone is with someone you leave them alone and find a way to deal with it. I just need that way to deal with it, I'm fairly sure he would like what we have to go further and for me since he has a girlfriend that is a big no no. Since I work with this guy it is very hard to avoid him and recently I find myself questioning everything I do and say hoping I haven't been too flirty and give him the wrong signals. I'm, finding myself exhausted after work just from making sure I don't give him the wrong signals. He is very touchy feely with everyone (as am I) but a lot more with me i.e. holds my hand, kisses my forehead/cheek etc... I need to nip this in the bud. I like him, very much but the thought of him wanting to cheat with me taints his lovely image and I know deep down he is nice. (cliché I know but he is).I will be leaving my job in September for a career change but I need a coping method for these next few months. Any advice? It's not like I can discuss it with him since nothing has actually happened except some sort of emotional cheating maybe? It needs to stop. Please help, and coping methods with my feelings for him would be great. He is the first guy to give me butterflies since my ex nearly 3 years ago. So its a big deal for me and I simply refuse to act on it. Thank you very much :) x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (29 January 2014):
 Well, if the idea that he'd like to use you to be a liar and a cheat REALLY doesn't cut it in terms of making him undesirable to you...
Imagine him with awful food poisoning every time you see him or think of him. The kind that has you vomiting and on the toilet at the same time. Be as vivid as necessary and sooner or later you'll get 'sick' of thinking about him.
In the meantime, stop all unnecessary contact (hugging, flirting, etc.) at work and focus on your job duties as you are certainly being paid for that and not your quality time with this guy.
Good luck and best wishes!
A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (29 January 2014):
 Greetings,
Firstly allow me to say good for you. Too often I hear about people so willing to break something up just for their own slice of happiness. I myself have a same rule in law about people with partners. So much so that I've been through this in almost the exact same way with a female former colleague.
It might sound strange for many people but meditation actually helped me. I learnt how to separate out my needs and feelings into manageable amounts and thereby avoid the pain of desire.
You might want to look into meditation.
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