A
female
age
30-35,
*ommy01
writes:I have been married for only two years monday. My husband and I have a 7 month old son. A few days ago I got on my computer and was really bored so I just started checking the history on the internet. I found pornography websites that contained really weird things like bondage and transexuals.I am open to new things and am very liberal when it comes to sex but am a christian and do not agree with what he is doing. I confronted my husband and he lied at first, but afterwards he admitted to it. My world seems to have fallen apart. He isn't happy with my body because I gained some weight after two miscarriages and a baby. I freaked when I found out he had been watching transexual porn. I didn't even want him to touch me and I felt so horrible when I wouldn't let him sleep next to our son. I hate that he has been watching this and he swears to stop because he doesn't want to lose us. I really hope for some good advice on how to cope with this situation and how to feel comfortable with him touching me. Please help me find some comfort.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 Since neither me or you are doctors and sexual addiction to pornography is not a recognised medical condition according to The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)published by the American Psychiatric Association, I can't agree with your statements.
Anyway the lady has updated her post and things seem to be working better in her marriage now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): Um, I don't see anywhere in my post that I think porn is new or that it is singularly addictive.
That wasn't my point, I think you know what my point was. This woman is in a problem relationship with a man with a problem, addiction.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
I'm very glad for you. Sorry I started ranting about stuff on your post, that was rude. Please try to keep your home a happy one, sometimes compromise and understanding work best. I know these things can shock and upset, but never believe your guy loves or worships you any less. Your his wife and you mean the world to him, and I'm sure he'd be very lost without you at his side.
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A
female
reader, mommy01 +, writes (12 March 2010):
mommy01 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I would like to thank everyone that has posted on here. You have all made some very valuable points. My husband and I are doing well now and are on our way to a better life together. We even made love last night and tried a few different things. Thanks so much!
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
Oh dear... got me started on me favourite subject..
Transsexual's of course are new, the technology didn't exist before to cause men to grow breast and become feminised. However, all throughout history there has been "lady boys", very popular is some Asian cultures. Lady boys are feminine men who can pass for beautiful women. There's a book from Victorian days in Britain which lists all different types of prostitutes to visit, and yes, there are "lady boys" recorded in these books too.
The idea of men finding pretty feminine men attractive, again is nothing new and was not invented by the 20th century. However it is new that wives are exposed to these things. For a long time women were trapped at home and men did sexual things with other people in the public space.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
Sorry, bans only started happening during the 19th century, with the cult of manners and sensibility and the rise of the Victorian societies.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
Prostitution is the oldest industry, the first pornography existed well before we even learnt to write or make laws. All societies of all times in all places have always have porn. Dosen't matter how much you try to ban it, dosen't even matter if you put in a death penalty. Humans are creatures that like to watch sexual things. Pornography did not start in 1970 and was only banned in the 18th century. The Roman's, Greeks, Egyptians, Chinese, Indian's, have ton's of art objects that show people having sex. When people painted pictures and made sculptures, they made sex objects. When the first camera's were invented they were quickly bought by people wanting to record sex. Same for the home video recorders and the home camcorders. The internet was not created to disseminate pornography, but right from the beginning, the earliest adopters of the internet did this to be able to pass around pornography. Pornography has driven the development of the internet, the video, even cities and towns. To try to pretend that it's something new, is very, very naive.
To take a quote from you, "So There"
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
Rhythmandblues let me assure you, I need no links to the research on porn addiction. I am very aware of all the studies, and also the fact that it is not currently accepted as a real condition by the American society of psychology, it is not in the medical manual that all doctors use.
They are taking submissions for the new manual, it might be included there. The study's you are talking about do show that brain area's linked to pleasure do get stimulated when people use pornography. But these same brain area's also light up when we eat food, listen to music, see someone we think pretty, see someone we love. We get pleasure from many things, and anything can be addictive. To say that pornography has a special addictive quality, ignores the fact that anything can be addictive if misused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): I don't know what world some of you live in, but the vast majority of heterosexual men are not into watching tranny porn, nor are women....it is a very small percentage of the population.Further, a man's practice (or woman's) of watching porn does not indicate that a couple's sex life is lacking something or needs to be spiced up in order to satisfy his craving for porn.It is a known fact, research has shown that porn has an addictive effect on a lot of people and sometimes weirder and weirder porn has to be watched to get the same jollies as the addict got in the beginning. I can't find the link to this study done by psychiatrists, but there was a brain study done, proving the addictive effects of porn.If this woman feels badly about her husband's addiction, she has a right to her feelings and it doesn't matter what the Christian or the non Christian world thinks about whether or not it is OK. What matters is that it is harming their relationship and his Behavior is disrespectful. If he is unable to choose to stop his Behavior, then he clearly has a problem as his problem is causing him problems in his life and relationships.The woman is not the one who needs to do anything to fix His addiction to porn. It isn't about her or her perfomance in bed. It just simply isn't. Porn exists because people get paid to do it for a living and people are like Pavlov's Dog and can be addicted to porn watching just like a rat in a maze that goes up to a lever and pushes it for a pellet of food.Human's are creatures of habit. What sets us apart is the fact that we do have brains, we have morals, we have values, we have priorities and we negotiate our relationships. What he is doing is nonsensical and it is ruining his relationship and marriage. It isn't her Christian attitude that is ruining it, it's the Porn maybe even the Porn industry.So there.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
Sigh... many men are interested in transsexual porn and many men are interested in bondage. Women are also interested in these things, so dose that men that these women want a penis too.
Sexual desire is a very strange thing. No matter how much people want to pretend that we all think about "straight" vanilla sex, when you ask sex researchers they will tell you that people are interested in lots of things. If your husband is a pervert, then so is most of the population on this earth. People have all types of sexy dreams, threesomes, bondage, the list is endless. Did you imagine that when your husband has a nocturnal emission "wet dream", he was always dreaming of you having wonderful married sex together.
Sorry to shock you, but this is the way humans are, something some churches tell you to fight hard. If we didn't think about such strange things, do you think the church would talk so much about sexual sin.
Now, a lot of heterosexual and married men do look at transsexual pornography. No they are not homosexual. Homosexual men don't like transsexual pornography, the transsexuals are much too feminine for them. They prefer to watch video's of two masculine men having sex. Check on Dear Cupid, search for "transsexual pornography", there you will find many heterosexual men explaining why this interests them.
It's a form of narcissism.. A porn video is sexy, but the heterosexual men get disgusted because the porn video includes another man. With a tranny, there is no man involved. Instead there are two women, one who has a penis but also has breast. The best of all worlds, now he gets to look at porn, but he dosen't have to look at a hairy ugly guy.
Bondage, usually just fantasy, but sometimes it may be an indication that he would like to try this at home. Alongside the tranny porn, I'm thinking that your husband wants you to be more dominant in bed, he may be tired of being in the lead and would like you to take control.
Sometimes pornography is a way to see what is missing from your sex life. Of course this is not acceptable in your Christian world, and it goes against your beliefs. Explain this to your husband, explain why it is adultery and sacrilege to a believer like you. Ask for his help to make yours a porn free home.
I think however you need to spice up your sex life some. Don't be horrified by what you saw, but tell your husband if there is anything you can do sexually which might excite him and therefore minimize his need for porn.
PS: Do not use your son as a weapon. Do not create barriers between a child and his father. You will seriously damage your child's emotionally welfare if you do this, and he will grow up with big issues around trust and love in relationships.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): This was advice from someone other than myself, since I am not into the whole porn thing.....as to answer your question about his shemalel porn watching. I think he makes a valid point....perhaps:
I think he is probably at least bi, if not gay. I do not buy that straight men can find "shemales", or more correctly "dudes with boobs" sexually arousing.
In the EXACT same breath that a gay man is not attracted to female features....a truly straight man is NOT attracted to male features (penis) on a woman.
I dont think it is at all unusual for a straight male to like anal play, there is a highly sensitive prostate there. But, straight men have their ladies strap on....and if they are straight that is exactly the porn they like...women with strap ons doing straight men. Straight men dont mind seeing penis in porn....when it is attached to a male that is putting it into a vagina. The whole,
'bored with normal porn" also doesnt hold a candle.......there is soooooooo much freaky, wierd, fettish things out there that still involve vagina that I dont buy that argument for a second.
So, where does this leave him?? It leaves him in an area of denial. A "shemale" is the perfect stepping stone for someone not ready to openly admit they are bi or gay. May be because of societal pressure, pressure from family, etc. But in the end, straight men do NOT find males with boobs sexually arousing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): People who are all for porn of any kind can say anything they want about it not being a big deal and it is normal or what ,ever.
None of that matters except how it makes you feel. You aren't taking it personally because it is wrong for you to feel that way. You are taking it personally because it is disrespectful for him to be watching porn when he has a wife in the next room.
The type of porn is even more perverted. He's a pervert, oh well, there are worse things I guess.
Tell him to knock it off or he can Play with himself from now on and you are off limits. Put a lock on the computer of block the porn websites.
It is just a nasty habit that he can break if he wants to.
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A
female
reader, mommy01 +, writes (11 March 2010):
mommy01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell our sex life is great but it has slowed down a bit since we had a baby but that just makes it more fun to sneak around. He said he was just curious but i'm still confused but thanks for your post...
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (11 March 2010):
 alot of men watch pornography on the internet to learn new things but transexual pornography are you sure his not confused about his sexuality maybe he is confused id talk to him about it rather than bottle it up if you dont talk about why he felt the need to look at it in the first place then nothing will be resolved and hel probably continue to do it behind your back
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (11 March 2010):
Well you didn't look at the browsing history cause you were bored. Let's be honest. You had a reason to see what your husband has been looking at on the computer. How do you deal with it? Ask him what you can do. How is your sex life? Normal heterosexual porn is one thing but transexual porn? Is he confused about his sexuality? You might need to start asking question.
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