A
female
age
26-29,
*ransforming destiny
writes:My boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me the other day and I honestly feel like I won't ever get over him. I still love him so much. It scares me to think that I may never find someone who I love that much again. Although I miss him, I know the break up was for the best so I don't want to go back to him. Any advice on how to cope with this?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 June 2017):
 You need to give yourself time. I am guessing it is the first time you are heart broken and it is very hard, but you will get over it and you will find someone who one day you will have an even deeper love for, it is to soon to imagine it, but give yourself time. It will heal you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 June 2017):
 Why wouldn't you find someone good again? Half the population is male. The likelihood of you meeting someone else (when you are GOOD AND READY) is pretty high.
And the fact that you picked ONE good guy means you CAN do it again.
For now, though LET yourself go through the motions of a breakup. Allow yourself to be sad it didn't work but take away what you learned from being with him, good and bad.
Right now, the LAST thing you really need to worry about is whether you can find a new BF. Because you aren't ready for one.
Give yourself a couple of months to move on from this, to find your feet again. Do things that make YOU happy, see friends and family, ENJOY being single a bit too.
KNOW what you want in a partner. Not an:" I want a guy who is JUST like John" (the ex) but what qualities, values, and morals. Have a standard and stick to it.
Knowing that a breakup was for the "best" doesn't help right now because your feeling and emotions are a bit raw but in a few months, it might.
People come into your life and in a sense teaches you a lesson, some move on, some don't. This guy taught you something about you and about how you love. And that you will always have with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2017): I think there should be a law that stops us getting emotionally involved to the extent we become unable to enjoy anything else!
Consider it a time of withdrawal from a chemical dependancy!
You are going to feel wierd and sick and disadvantaged but you must value yourself.
This guy did not define you even though you did lots of stuff together and saw a future before the mist of being dumped got you lost!
Just like it is with survival on a mountain you think survival first ahead of everything else!
So you take it bit by bit!
Perhaps its time to downgrade him a bit in your mind because he might not be as wonderful as you thought!
To be honest he is not as wonderful as you think he is because he dumped you which makes him no longer wonderful in your life!
Because you are wonderful!
Every little fibre of you is wonderful but this guy is not wonderful enough because you have a different route!
Get working on that route now.
What have you got planned for the future?
Uni? College? A year off?
Dream about what you would like to do if you could such as which countries you will visit one day and how excited and guilt free you will be when you meet your next wonderful fella.
Avoid all romantic music for a bit!
Go for angry stuff like nirvana or anything that doesnt make you feel you want to cry and if you can join a gymn or already belong to one then go daily!
Its time to transfer that loving him to loving yourself and make a list of his faults.
He farts!
He does!
And all that being loved so much was just making it worse!
So thats why its over!
Its not easy to deal with the sadness but you need to cope and most people find a way eventually!
All guys fart so Im not telling you any porkies!
Dont be romantic for a bit or you will just end up known as an easy catch.
Head high, kill em with the 'No!'
Plan a new life.
Redesign yourself and if he has no faults just tell yourself that one day he will have faults!
Now what about your future children with your hubby who you havent met yet?
Do you think they'd want mamma crying over someone who she will have forgotton about by the time she meets papa?
No, no, no!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2017): I think there should be a law that stops us getting emotionally involved to the extent we become unable to enjoy anything else!Consider it a time of withdrawal from a chemical dependancy!You are going to feel wierd and sick and disadvantaged but you must value yourself.This guy did not define you even though you did lots of stuff together and saw a future before the mist of being dumped got you lost!Just like it is with survival on a mountain you think survival first ahead of everything else!So you take it bit by bit!Perhaps its time to downgrade him a bit in your mind because he might not be as wonderful as you thought!To be honest he is not as wonderful as you think he is because he dumped you which makes him no longer wonderful in your life!Because you are wonderful!Every little fibre of you is wonderful but this guy is not wonderful enough because you have a different route!Get working on that route now.What have you got planned for the future?Uni? College? A year off?Dream about what you would like to do if you could like which countries you will visit one day and how excited and guilt free you will be when you meet your next wonderful fella.Avoid all
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A
female
reader, luvlikewater +, writes (15 June 2017):
Your destiny awaits you beautiful! Things in life happen for reasons known and unknown...doors open and close for us all the time. Sometimes we want to make things that are only meant to be seasonal, a lifetime expectation for ourselves when that's not on your life's itinerary. Take the lessons that you've learned so far and ?? smile. Don't know your beliefs but hun God doesn't make mistakes. Of you were able to see your future like He can you'd understand why the removal was necessary.
Love again hun...there's a blessing in every lesson.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (15 June 2017):
 You get over it one day at a time. Don't think into the future too far as that is too scary. Every day, when you get up, promise yourself that, just for TODAY, you will try to have a good day, doing things which will distract you from thinking about him.
Set yourself small goals. For example, "today I will try to spend 10 minutes absolutely totally not thinking about him". Then find yourself a distraction which will take about 10 minutes, which will require your complete concentration.
Build this up and you will suddenly one day think "Wow! I haven't thought about him for an hour/a few hours/all day". It won't happen today, or tomorrow, or next week, but it WILL happen, I promise.
While you are going through this tough time, be kind to yourself. Allow your friends to support you and to distract you. Reconnect with friends who you have perhaps not been able to see much of while you have been with your boyfriend. If you have hobbies or pastimes you enjoy, throw yourself into them. Indulge yourself with a new hair do, a make-over, a spa, whatever is your bag.
Most of all, remember your life is not over just because you have lost your first boyfriend. The first one is always the hardest because usually, as in your case, we are young and we don't know what to expect. Allow yourself to grieve for your loss but, at the same time, don't allow the grief to drown you. Fight back and insist on going forward with your life. One day you will meet someone and realize why it did not work out with this guy.
Hugs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2017): Let the emotions flow. You'll feel like you're on a roller-coaster. One minute you're up, and the next minute you're in a dive; like you're going to crash into the ground. Then the loop-Di-loop; when your feelings are all over the place and out of control.
You'll feel grief and loss. That's your human response to becoming detached; and letting someone go that you care about. Just like when someone you love passes away. The difference with that is, you know they're not coming back. So your mind lets go. Breaking-up makes you feel grief and loss; but they're still around to work your nerves, and mess with your emotions.
Get out with your friends and reconnect. You have neglected them, while you gave him all your time and attention. Seek comfort from your mother, father, and/or siblings. I hope you are in a close-nit family. That is comforting and soothing in times like these.
I feel so old-fashioned when I suggest people turn inward to family for comfort. So many are estranged, dysfunctional, or on bad-terms. Times like these are when we need someone close and loving.
Don't give him complete ownership of your feelings. Take some of "you" back. You're your own best-friend right now.
Reach deep-down for your self-love. It's there for self-preservation. It's a built-in reserve of love-energy. It helps carry you through it.
Tell yourself you'll get through this, the feelings are only temporary, he's not the last guy I'll ever love. There is someone out there even better for me than he was. You better make yourself believe this, sweetheart; because it's true. This is what they mean when they say not to put all your eggs in one basket. No guy owns your heart. Just the affection you cut-out out for him. He doesn't get to take it all. Nobody takes nothing! It's what you gave-away!
A piece of your heart is your gift. You can make more to give to someone else when the right one comes along. All he has were the feelings you had for him. Love is something you have in endless supply. We're built that way. Because we're designed not to run out of it.
Your heart creates feelings that are tailor-made specifically for each person who touches your life. Some may only be around for a short-time. Never say you'll never love anyone like him; because like a spider, your heart will weave a new web of love over and over; and it will catch someone different every-time. A spider doesn't run out of thread. They only use as much as they need.
Different people stir something different in us. Some offer us only so much, and stop. Others will match you equally. Than you may run into someone who loves you more. Keep this in-mind.
You can cope. Keep telling yourself you'll get over him. He will get over you, even if you don't. He leaves only with those fragments of love you made for him. Someone else is coming in your future who will refill your heart again; but you will have forgotten the old loves. So the next great guy gets his share. It's a fresh batch!
One person I loved for 28 years died from cancer. Another came along and dumped me after only 10 months. It was still a good thing; because he reawakened in me, what died with my first-love. He told me I deserved someone better. I thought he was just saying that to make a clean getaway. It was nearly three years later; but there is someone very very special in my life now. I struggled through my losses, but I kept it together. I was rewarded for being strong. He is wonderful, and I am happy he's in my life.
The same is going to happen for you. I can actually promise you that. Just don't let that be all you live for. You are young, and you must also live for yourself. Be a strong and independent woman. You don't need a man, you can do it on your own. You could live until your 80's, 90's, or older.
You will have many loves between now and then, sweetheart!
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A
female
reader, Enlightenme +, writes (15 June 2017):
 Oh! Young love how I remember it. Just remember that every person and every experience you have in your lifetime makes you the person you will grow up to be. It makes us who we are and what we will become. You will always remember him and 20-30 years from now you will smile and perhaps even run into him and say... thank you. You will love again and even deeper and stronger than ever before. Hang in there and try not to be a stalker following him on social media. That does not help at all. Go have fun with your friends and meet new people. You will be just fine.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (14 June 2017):
 a brake up is the same as a deadt of a loved one , you have to go through all the stages , i know this is the last thing you will want to be told but with time the pain will become less
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