A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Oh my god, this is so petty, but I'm reliving memories I just don't want to relive at all!!!!A few years ago, my boyfriend and I partially broke up because he met this girl who got to a part of his soul. It wasn't the only reason, but she was the icing on the cake that ended our relationship. He actually never ended up dating her though. She is currently friends with him, and I am currently friends with him as well. She and I are loosely associated as friends, but she especially has never liked me, which is okay. She seems territorial, or am I?A few years down the road, I meet someone else I really like in a completely different part of this world. We date. I guess I made the mistake of traveling back with him to my old town and introducing him to a group of female friends that included her and a few other intriguing women. He and I had some major problems while together, but we did like one another very much. But I knew there was someone else more meant for him. I want him to find someone who is more suited than I am for him, but I don't want to witness it happening within my social circle. I don't want to know TOO much about the girl he actually falls in deep love with, because I will always compare myself to her, and feel like a failure because I can't be her. We broke up early last year, and he hasn't been with anyone else since, in a serious way. Just casual hookups and short lived endeavors.Today, she (the girl that contributed to my breakup with my other ex) or he made 'friends' with the other on facebook. I can't tell who initiated it, but I'm guessing him. They really only interacted with one another for a couple of hours once upon a time, and he told me she was already driving him crazy (not in a good way) right after meeting her. I can't even believe I'm writing here about facebook, but I am!!! Anyways, she and he are now "friends". I have another "friend" on FB that he met at the same time as the other girl, who is best friends with the girl that I am talking about above. When he met her (when we were still dating), he pretty much told me he could see himself and this girl working together much better than he and I did. I don't disagree with him entirely, but at the same time, I just don't want to go through this again. He will also make 'friends' with this chick (who he met for 5 hours at the most more than a year ago), and somehow they will meet up because they both randomly travel, and they will date or something and get married or something, and I will be forgotten even as a friend of his and she will hate me for being his ex, and I will feel like a failure because I know I can never be as great as she seems. Selfish much? Yeah, I guess right now I feel kind of self absorbed about this and selfish. It's taking over me at this current moment like a tumor.I know I don't own him, and I don't want him to be unhappy. He meets people every day that he falls for. He is also attractive to many people. I actually don't know if my female FB "friend" spotted him first or if he spotted her first. I'm guessing he's feeling social right now and wants to branch out. When I use FB, I really only want to be connected to my closest friends in real life, but that's just me and I seem to be a minority here. I hate that it pisses me off so much. I don't try to advance over his territory. I don't pick up on his male friends or 'friend' his friends (but I met very few of them). I don't try to steal this chick's boyfriend. I don't try to talk people out of what might make them happier, but...I am obviously feeling inferior to these two girls, always have, and probably always will. A part of me knows that I'm being a complete douche over feeling so bad about this, but it is like a visceral reaction. I almost feel nauseous. I don't know if I should ask him about this? Who decided first to be 'friends'? He and I are kind of close friends at the moment, so I might be able to ask without any difficulties arising. I guess in the long run, what will be will be...Maybe he met me so he could meet someone much more suited for him...Ultimately, there's nothing I can or really should do, except to seek advice regarding how to cope with myself when I see history repeating itself to some degree.
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best friend, broke up, facebook, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, curious0hot +, writes (1 February 2010):
 OPPS EDIT:
You guys broke up early last year**, it's time to move past it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): I posted the question, and I wrote about 2 guys here. One from 3 years ago, and a new one from last year...
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A
female
reader, curious0hot +, writes (31 January 2010):
It doesn't seem like he is hooking up with anyone who is actually your friend. You guys broke up a few years ago, it's time to move past it. It doesn't seem like you can just see him as a friend. Maybe you should just break all communication off...
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (31 January 2010):
I have to wonder why on earth you choose to stay with men who tell you so openly that they like other people.
I feel all your problems could be solved with a little self respect, so that when they say "I find her intriguing" or talk about finding someone more suited.... Instead of saying "Great, well sleep with me until you find someone better!! Your happiness is all important!!!" You simply say "good luck with that" and walk away.
Why continue to hang around with guys who are using you as a stop gap when you have already had "major problems."
Learn to walk away when things go down hill and find a guy who wants you and only you.
Plus, delete her and your ex boyfriends off facebook.
Good Luck!! xx
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